Have you always known you were going to be alone

[LonelySutton]

I think, since the day I could first think I knew I was going to be alone. In my gut, I knew it. When I was in high school in Sophomore year, I decided I was going to go to prom. But in my heart I felt it wasn't going to happen. Not in a very "woe is me way" just I always felt people were just sort of intimidated by me. I did my best to look attractive ( and I was) and I tried to be more out going but, in the end, no one asked. Which is amazing because the school I went to was small and it was sort of the "culture" that everyone would look after each other and make sure no one was unhappy. It was as if people just didn't think of me.

It didn't bother me anyway (on the day of the prom my brother bought home a kitten) and I did get asked to Senior prom but declined because it was a pity date set up by a teacher.

When I went to college I kind of did a similar thing. I was invited to a lot of parties and went but even though I did have friends... and male friends who I did think were interested, mostly nothing.

I am not sure what it is but I think it is related to this one idea that I am strong and independent. I just don't really go along with people too easy. But there is just something about my entire personality that screams ... get away that people pick up on. Even now, a lot of my "friends" are kind of lite friends who kind of don't really stick.

In my heart, I know, I am always going to be alone... I don't say that in a woe is me way, just something I know. I just don't inspire people to want to get closer or think of me.

You?

 

[Peaches]

well, when I was small I WAS alone way too much, but honestly I was hoping in something better for the future

I guess the things that made me different as a child are still there... I sure set my mind on changing my personality to become more approachable, but I don't know if there will ever be a result.

Some people are more "lovable" than others, regardless of the fact that we all deserve to be loved, but I really don't know why that is.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I think, since the day I could first think I knew I was going to be alone. In my gut, I knew it. When I was in high school in Sophomore year, I decided I was going to go to prom. But in my heart I felt it wasn't going to happen. Not in a very "woe is me way" just I always felt people were just sort of intimidated by me. I did my best to look attractive ( and I was) and I tried to be more out going but, in the end, no one asked. Which is amazing because the school I went to was small and it was sort of the "culture" that everyone would look after each other and make sure no one was unhappy. It was as if people just didn't think of me.

It didn't bother me anyway (on the day of the prom my brother bought home a kitten) and I did get asked to Senior prom but declined because it was a pity date set up by a teacher.

When I went to college I kind of did a similar thing. I was invited to a lot of parties and went but even though I did have friends... and male friends who I did think were interested, mostly nothing.

I am not sure what it is but I think it is related to this one idea that I am strong and independent. I just don't really go along with people too easy. But there is just something about my entire personality that screams ... get away that people pick up on. Even now, a lot of my "friends" are kind of lite friends who kind of don't really stick.

In my heart, I know, I am always going to be alone... I don't say that in a woe is me way, just something I know. I just don't inspire people to want to get closer or think of me.

You?

It's a good question and something I often wonder about.

I was a good looking kid and my Mam would tease about girls wanting to go out with me. So early on, say 13 or 14 I was confident about my ability to get a girlfriend. So I waited and waited and nothing happened. The first times I went out drinking when I was 17, I would most likely get laughed at then anything else. All my friends got dances and started going out with girls but it never happened to me. I asked girls for a dance and they look horrified. I was a leper and I never knew why. My so called friends would take the piss out of me. Girls would either ignore me or laugh, giggle as I walked past.

I was surprized and upset about it and it went on for the next 15 years. (I gave up when I was 31) I would go with a group of people and they would all meet somebody and I would never. It didn't matter how hard I tried or whatever I said or did. Nothing worked.

 

[LonelySutton]

Some people are more "lovable" than others, regardless of the fact that we all deserve to be loved, but I really don't know why that is.

I have often thought there is something about me that isn't needy. Sort of like dogs vrs cats. I don't show extreme excitement at someone even if I am inside because I don't want to embarrass them. But I also don't discount the idea that it can't *just* be behavior because my behavior changes all the time and in response to situations.

In the end I know for a fact that I will be spending my life largely alone, from friends, relatives, suitors etc.

 

[Niantiel]

Yep.
Since I was 13 or so.
Had a few girlfriends here and there, but I always knew I'd end up alone.
Friends moved away and got wrapped up in their own lives, women came and went, some I let go, and well, I've got myself, my roommates cats, and my boa constrictor and band mates (for right now).

 

[lifestream]

Yes, I always knew. It made me very moody when I was an adolescent. Perhaps it's why I hung on so tight to the few meaningful relationships I had back then.

Nowadays, I've come to see that I genuinely function better alone. I'm probably more at peace with myself than I ever have been because of that.

 

[Tealeaf]

I doubt anyone would have been surprised that the child who read encyclopedias and designed games is still bored by everyone else who is similarly bored by her. Some people are just a poor fit for the world they were born into.

 

[Tiina63]

It is something I wonder about as well.
Like TripleBogey I have had people say to me that I will get someone but for some reason it hasn't happened. I feel like a leper as well but don't know why, though have tried and tried to analyse what it is that is wrong with me.
As Peaches says, maybe some of us are more loveable than others.

 

[ardour]

I didn't want to think too much about it in case it happened.

No-one, including family, told me I would find someone eventually. A couple of school friends mentioned how women might like me if I did this etc. Had one female friend ask if I had a girlfriend yet, what I was doing about it, but I think it was more she was worried that I might have been interested in her. I don't actually do anything about it, so I shouldn't complain.

 

[Lost Drifter]

This is an interesting question, and one which I can honestly answer yes to.

My childhood was a very isolated experience and I was left alone from quite young. By the age of six, I was accustomed to waking up in an empty house, getting dressed and walking to school alone, then coming home and having to feed myself before, perhaps, getting to spend an hour or two with a parent just before bed. I was essentially the child when they needed me, and expected to disappear when they didn't.

I had a very small group of friends as a teenager but was always made to feel like the last thought. They would always hang out together, while I may be asked to join if they needed an extra person or wanted something I had. Again I was discarded once I had fulfilled a purpose, this taught me that friendships were conditional and that I was forever disposable.

These feelings continued into many of the adult relationships I've had. Girlfriends have pursued me for as long as I have been of use. Some have wanted protection, some excitement, some have just needed me to take care of their problems. I don't view people in a bad light because of this, but I've become used to being the temporary friend or the part time lover.

So yes, I've always known I'd be alone. Not necessarily forever as there will always be someone who needs a crutch, but I'm used to being put back on the shelf once I'm no longer needed.

 

[matt4]

Never had a girlfriend at all. Spend a lot of my childhood alone then was mildly bullied.

I've never had much social contact at all. Apart from when I went to university. Left and returned home and my life continued on just lonely. A lot of friends have graduated. Some have moved on. Majority were never real friends anyway.

I've wanted a girlfriend since around 16 or 17. Someone to just want me for who I am. I've never been taken off the shelf to be put back up!

 

[lonelydoc]

I've known since about 2008 or so, when I finished medical residency, and I didn't have a job at first. I had a a lot of time on my hands, and read on the internet about the financial crisis, peak oil, and the coming collapse of industrial civilization. I think subconsciously I understood something was wrong post 9/11 and with these endless wars in the middle east but it didn't hit home until later.

Since then I realized everything is BS and I have no part to play in this story anymore. I'm divorced from the outcome and am not that interested in what happens to people. As a result, I'll probably be alone.

The above is 100% true, I swear to God as I write this. I know it may be upsetting, but I definitely don't wish people any big misfortune. Maybe if you do well you can enjoy life for me.

 

[LonelySutton]

Since then I realized everything is BS and I have no part to play in this story anymore. I'm divorced from the outcome and am not that interested in what happens to people. As a result, I'll probably be alone.The above is 100% true, I swear to God as I write this. I know it may be upsetting, but I definitely don't wish people any big misfortune. Maybe if you do well you can enjoy life for me.

Actually Lonely doc you do sound depressed. I feel like I know because I went something similar in the immediate aftermath of 911. At that time I was at a job I thought was the key to my success and watching *that* happen I could not imagine how the world could possibly go back to normal. I was sure there was going to be a nuke or dirty bomb or something. How could there not? I was like over here going -- HEY 3000 people just died -- and what was the point of anything? And I still have some of that view. But the reality is that messed up as it is, the world just goes on. Never count out the power of greed. Things didn't collapse. The dire predictions in print didn't come true. And now I know... just because someone writes about it, doesn't mean it is going to happen. No matter how plausible / probable it seems. I suppose my saying so isn't going to convince you but think about it because already you can see that the financial collapse pretty much did nothing. Employment is back to normal etc.

My childhood was a very isolated experience and I was left alone from quite young. By the age of six, I was accustomed to waking up in an empty house, getting dressed and walking to school alone, then coming home and having to feed myself before, perhaps, getting to spend an hour or two with a parent just before bed. I was essentially the child when they needed me, and expected to disappear when they didn't.

Maybe we are seeing a theme here... independence -- being alone -- probably leads to behavior where people think we don't need help / companionship etc.

 

[Despicable Me]

No offense to anyone here, but this is a ridiculous concept. If you "know" you're going to be alone then that is because you're making a conscious decision to be alone.
Let's not pretend to be psychics here. You're not. No one can "know" the future unless they are actually making a conscious decision about it.

Think about this clearly. How can you know something is going to happen before it happens unless you're the one deciding it?
So either you're deciding this is how things will be or you have unrealistic and false expectations for your mental abilities. Which is it?

Just so I don't leave without some advice, I think if anyone here 'thinks' they know they are going to be alone, they are not really trying very hard not to be alone. If the past has given you reason to believe this it's very possible it is something you're doing, either intentionally or subconsciously, to be alone. Finding out what that problem is is a whole lot more important than psychic powers (which no one has).

 

[LonelySutton]

I think if anyone here 'thinks' they know they are going to be alone, they are not really trying very hard not to be alone.

I am not saying I am not. I would say though that it is subconscious. Then that in the back of my mind the reason I don't "stick" to people is that I want them on my terms or that I only want to give so much and still expect them to be with me. And so then it is a conscious decision to act in certain ways that will likely keep me alone for ever. Such as being very independent about things and not giving people opportunities to get in / bond.

But I dont think it is a ridiculous concept.

 

[lifestream]

I don't think it's a ridiculous concept. There are so many reasons why somebody might be alone, and most of them don't involve any kind of choice or lack of effort on their part.

 

[Despicable Me]

I think if anyone here 'thinks' they know they are going to be alone, they are not really trying very hard not to be alone.

I am not saying I am not. I would say though that it is subconscious. Then that in the back of my mind the reason I don't "stick" to people is that I want them on my terms or that I only want to give so much and still expect them to be with me. And so then it is a conscious decision to act in certain ways that will likely keep me alone for ever. Such as being very independent about things and not giving people opportunities to get in / bond.

But I dont think it is a ridiculous concept.

I agree with you there. It can definitely be a subconscious act that is causing frustrations.
Still, though, 'knowing that you're going to be alone' is way too dismissive of a statement. If you say this you're basically giving up even trying to overcome this problem. Either way it's not realistic.
If it's truly a subconscious issue then you need to keep working on it and on yourself to always become a better person. Simply believing that you 'know' you're going to be alone would therefore just be one of those subconscious behaviors you need to improve on!

So if this applies to you, look deeper in yourself and try to discover these issues. Get to know yourself better. Take some time out of your day and just think about yourself and your life and your relationships and just let things come together for you. Eventually you will realize these behaviors and accepting them is the biggest step. After that it's just a matter of willpower to overcome these issues and adjust to a new life without them, and some vigilance to ensure they never return.
In many cases there are layers and layers of issues to work through, so starting as soon as possible is always best. In my case, though, it's like Wonderland's rabbit hole. You never know how deep it goes because it just keeps going. That's why I'm constantly trying to improve myself, even if I'm not doing so well at it sometimes. I don't stop trying. I will never stop trying.

I don't think it's a ridiculous concept. There are so many reasons why somebody might be alone, and most of them don't involve any kind of choice or lack of effort on their part.

That's not what I was saying at all.
You can be alone or be lonely for many reasons, as you say.
But 'knowing' you are going to be alone and you are going to be lonely, as in the future-tense? That requires some form of action, even if it is on the subconscious level. Because the future can always change. We are the true master's of our own fate.
That's all I was trying to say.

 

[BeyondShy]

No offense to anyone here, but this is a ridiculous concept. If you "know" you're going to be alone then that is because you're making a conscious decision to be alone.
Let's not pretend to be psychics here. You're not. No one can "know" the future unless they are actually making a conscious decision about it.

That's true.

And it is a ridiculous concept. I never once woke up years ago and said to myself that no matter what I do from here on out I am always going to be alone. How do I know that a week from now or a month from now I will meet someone? I don't. And if that does happen I am not going to do anything to sabotage it just because I think I will be alone for the rest of my life.

Am I making a conscious effort and decision to be alone? In all honesty, yes. Even though I do not like it one bit I am used to how things are with me. Maybe at some level I am comfortable with it.

 

[Despicable Me]

Am I making a conscious effort and decision to be alone? In all honesty, yes. Even though I do not like it one bit I am used to how things are with me. Maybe at some level I am comfortable with it.

Well, like I said above, not everyone is alone for a reason.
I just don't want anyone to think they are 'supposed' to be alone, or are somehow destined to be alone, for some reason. There's no point in that and it only causes the problem, solving nothing.
But blaming yourself for being alone is not really going to help either. So I don't want you blaming yourself if it's not really true. And if it is true, just work on it and do the best you can do every day. Then there is nothing to blame yourself for, since you'll be doing your best.

 

[stork_error]

I feel that I don't have enough common traits with any one " group " of people to fit in.