NightHawkJohn
Well-known member
I have found for a while now i have trouble thinking of anything to say to people, i don't have anyone to talk in real life so i mainly try to here but i find myself sitting in chat trying to be part of that but i cannot manage it.
I feel like what ever i say is stupid and not worth saying and also a lot of the time i cannot get the words right to put together a coherent sentence in time to respond to what someone has said in chat, i try to answer posts on this forum and i find my self just making up a post and then deleting it because i feel like it does not convey what i meant to say.
Its there in my head but when i try to write it out i cannot seem to make sense of it.
I wanted to post some things in that thread about "what you like about other forum members" but after trying about 10 times to write something i just gave up, i also kinda felt like even though i see those people as my friends i am not really sure they would think the same way so it worries me to say something about them.
I think part of me thinks that the great way you all seem to chat to each other is the way i communicate with you all but i know deep down it is not the same.
In real life i start to stutter and cannot pronounce words right or my mind goes blank and i cannot think of anything to say when i am around people i think it may due to anxiety as when i am by myself i can think of things to say but when people are involved i just cant do it it like all my memory becomes confused and i can see tons of different things from my memory so many of which i cannot pick one out to respond with.
It does not help that i can remember perfectly every time someone has said something negative no matter how long ago it was with perfect clarity like its happening to me right now.
Which makes me feel worse and worse as i just feel like people think i am stupid so i try to think positive and think next time it will be different but it never is.
I cant also seem to express any emotion and even though a very close friend of mine passed away last week i cannot seem to feel anything i felt really sad for a split second and tried to cry but then i just shut down.
I don't think i really talk to people about my problems as i don't like being a downer as i kinda sense that people here are getting tired of me and my issues.
It may be just that i need to try to find a new place to belong or something but i end up feeling the same way whenever i stay in one place for too long.
I don't really know what to do about it and i wondered if people have had the same feelings and managed to solve it.
(i am thinking this whole post is stupid but decided to post it anyway plus it took me over an hour to write)
I feel like what ever i say is stupid and not worth saying and also a lot of the time i cannot get the words right to put together a coherent sentence in time to respond to what someone has said in chat, i try to answer posts on this forum and i find my self just making up a post and then deleting it because i feel like it does not convey what i meant to say.
Its there in my head but when i try to write it out i cannot seem to make sense of it.
I wanted to post some things in that thread about "what you like about other forum members" but after trying about 10 times to write something i just gave up, i also kinda felt like even though i see those people as my friends i am not really sure they would think the same way so it worries me to say something about them.
I think part of me thinks that the great way you all seem to chat to each other is the way i communicate with you all but i know deep down it is not the same.
In real life i start to stutter and cannot pronounce words right or my mind goes blank and i cannot think of anything to say when i am around people i think it may due to anxiety as when i am by myself i can think of things to say but when people are involved i just cant do it it like all my memory becomes confused and i can see tons of different things from my memory so many of which i cannot pick one out to respond with.
It does not help that i can remember perfectly every time someone has said something negative no matter how long ago it was with perfect clarity like its happening to me right now.
Which makes me feel worse and worse as i just feel like people think i am stupid so i try to think positive and think next time it will be different but it never is.
I cant also seem to express any emotion and even though a very close friend of mine passed away last week i cannot seem to feel anything i felt really sad for a split second and tried to cry but then i just shut down.
I don't think i really talk to people about my problems as i don't like being a downer as i kinda sense that people here are getting tired of me and my issues.
It may be just that i need to try to find a new place to belong or something but i end up feeling the same way whenever i stay in one place for too long.
I don't really know what to do about it and i wondered if people have had the same feelings and managed to solve it.
(i am thinking this whole post is stupid but decided to post it anyway plus it took me over an hour to write)