TooMuchAnxiety
Member
Hey all, new member here. I guess I'll start with a little background...I've had panic attacks when it comes to dating since college. For a long time I just ignored it and chose not to date, but once I turned 30 a coworker set me up with a woman. She was understanding and it worked out for a while, but eventually she couldn't deal with the panic attacks and decided to call it quits.
It was after that that I sought professional help. I went to a counselor and she suggested I see a psychiatrist. I have since "graduated" from counseling but continue to use medication to help alleviate the symptoms. The medication has helped, but by no means is it perfect. I still get the occasional panic attack during dating. I've gone out on a few dates here and there and did have one other relationship, but I didn't really meet anyone I was that into.
All that changed about a month ago. A family member set me up with a friend and we hit it off. We've gone out a few times and things were going great...until our third date. I got inside my head, started to panic, and didn't really make a move all night, despite the fact that we had dinner and watched movies at my house. The night ended in quite possibly the most pathetic first kiss this world has ever seen.
So she texted me yesterday and basically called me out on it, asking me "What does a girl have to do to get a real kiss?" She was beginning to think I wasn't interested and that we were headed towards the friend zone. I opened up a bit and told her that it was actually because I am into her that I over thought the whole situation and basically just froze up. She seems to understand and we've continued to text, and our date for next Monday night is still a go.
On one hand I can't help but beat myself up. I've been down this road before, and recently I haven't really cared because l really wasn't into the girl. My anxiety level was through the roof today, and while the medication managed it to where I could function, people at work could tell something was wrong.
On the other hand, I really do admire her honesty. I mean if she wasn't into me, she probably wouldn't have said that. I mean she wants me to kiss her, so why the heck am I so stressed? I really need to put the other night behind me, realize that she's into me, and just nail this next date. I mean the pressure should be off, right? I know I have a massive fear of rejection, but that's pretty much been eliminated. I can't do anything to change the past, I just need to forge ahead.
But for me, it's really not that easy. I feel like it's just the vicious cycle starting all over again. I do feel some pressure because no one on my family knows I deal with this, and if this girl realizes I have an issue then chances are my family will find out. But would that be such a bad thing? Would it be better to just have it out in the open and not have to hide it?
Anyway, it's just nice to find a place where other people might understand what I am going through. I few of my closest friends know about it, but I don't think they really understand it. They have no problem meeting women and dating, so they don't understand why I lock up and panic. They've been supportive, but I guess I'm just trying out something new to help me out. Maybe by venting on here and just discussing it anonymously with people who gave similar difficulties, it will lessen my anxiety about the whole thing.
Thanks for reading and just letting me share, it brought me some relief just getting this out.
It was after that that I sought professional help. I went to a counselor and she suggested I see a psychiatrist. I have since "graduated" from counseling but continue to use medication to help alleviate the symptoms. The medication has helped, but by no means is it perfect. I still get the occasional panic attack during dating. I've gone out on a few dates here and there and did have one other relationship, but I didn't really meet anyone I was that into.
All that changed about a month ago. A family member set me up with a friend and we hit it off. We've gone out a few times and things were going great...until our third date. I got inside my head, started to panic, and didn't really make a move all night, despite the fact that we had dinner and watched movies at my house. The night ended in quite possibly the most pathetic first kiss this world has ever seen.
So she texted me yesterday and basically called me out on it, asking me "What does a girl have to do to get a real kiss?" She was beginning to think I wasn't interested and that we were headed towards the friend zone. I opened up a bit and told her that it was actually because I am into her that I over thought the whole situation and basically just froze up. She seems to understand and we've continued to text, and our date for next Monday night is still a go.
On one hand I can't help but beat myself up. I've been down this road before, and recently I haven't really cared because l really wasn't into the girl. My anxiety level was through the roof today, and while the medication managed it to where I could function, people at work could tell something was wrong.
On the other hand, I really do admire her honesty. I mean if she wasn't into me, she probably wouldn't have said that. I mean she wants me to kiss her, so why the heck am I so stressed? I really need to put the other night behind me, realize that she's into me, and just nail this next date. I mean the pressure should be off, right? I know I have a massive fear of rejection, but that's pretty much been eliminated. I can't do anything to change the past, I just need to forge ahead.
But for me, it's really not that easy. I feel like it's just the vicious cycle starting all over again. I do feel some pressure because no one on my family knows I deal with this, and if this girl realizes I have an issue then chances are my family will find out. But would that be such a bad thing? Would it be better to just have it out in the open and not have to hide it?
Anyway, it's just nice to find a place where other people might understand what I am going through. I few of my closest friends know about it, but I don't think they really understand it. They have no problem meeting women and dating, so they don't understand why I lock up and panic. They've been supportive, but I guess I'm just trying out something new to help me out. Maybe by venting on here and just discussing it anonymously with people who gave similar difficulties, it will lessen my anxiety about the whole thing.
Thanks for reading and just letting me share, it brought me some relief just getting this out.