Bird_Flu84
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- Jul 16, 2014
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Warning: long text ensuing. I have never written out my story in full. It might look self-pitying to many of you but the truth is unless you are in my situation, it is difficult to understand.
Hello, I am a 29 year old person with physical issues. These issues prevent me from living life as a 'normal' person.
Basically, from a very young age my body is not that of a normal male. My body has never really developed into that of a man. I have the wide hips of a woman, slim and rounded shoulders, very slim arms and legs and a general lack of muscularity. I have found a picture on google that accurately describes the difference between me and other guys:
As a result, I have a lot of difficulty in social circles. I do not resemble a man, nor do I resemble a woman. People generally pick up on this pretty easily.
Even though I am in general a good-natured, intelligent and often funny person the first impression people have of me is a negative one. Men sometimes do not consider me as one of them, and even go so far as to ridicule or dismiss me. I can handle that.
My main problem though is that women just are not attracted to me. Since I do not exhibit many masculine features, this is normal. Other than having a weird body I have a lot of other turn-off features: male pattern balding, bad breath, bags under my eyes, stuttering and thin lips. I consider myself nature's exercise in physical unattractiveness.
For me, this has placed a huge downer on my confidence. So apart from being particularly unappealing, I have developed self esteem issues as well. I am also very immature and cover my flaws through lying/embellishment.
I had zero(!) romantic or sexual experience until 25, when I got together with a girl who knows me and has liked me for a long time. Of course, she fell in love with my brain rather than my body. Our sex life is not great, both due to my lack of virility and her disattraction to my physique. Our relationships is somewhat unhealthy, since she is the domineering type and I am the doormat type. We do love each other though and I do not long for the single life.
A couple of years ago, I finally decided there had to be a reason for this anomalous body of mine. I researched and found the cause to be a general lack of testosterone, the condition is called hypogonadism. Most guys with hypogonadism have this due to a chromosomal defect (XXY instead of XY) but in my case, this is not so.
Lack of testosterone also explains why I am still so painfully immature at 29. Where other people generally go out and do things I flit from my job (chem. engineer) to my couch and vice versa. I have a bad relationship with alcohol and other drugs, since I lack the strength of mind to say no. Luckily, I am not easily addicted.
I am not depressed, do not really have social anxiety and realise I could improve myself. I have a good job and a loving family. I will never be happy or 'whole'.
TLDR: I'm a guy without testosterone. It sucks. Really.
Hello, I am a 29 year old person with physical issues. These issues prevent me from living life as a 'normal' person.
Basically, from a very young age my body is not that of a normal male. My body has never really developed into that of a man. I have the wide hips of a woman, slim and rounded shoulders, very slim arms and legs and a general lack of muscularity. I have found a picture on google that accurately describes the difference between me and other guys:
As a result, I have a lot of difficulty in social circles. I do not resemble a man, nor do I resemble a woman. People generally pick up on this pretty easily.
Even though I am in general a good-natured, intelligent and often funny person the first impression people have of me is a negative one. Men sometimes do not consider me as one of them, and even go so far as to ridicule or dismiss me. I can handle that.
My main problem though is that women just are not attracted to me. Since I do not exhibit many masculine features, this is normal. Other than having a weird body I have a lot of other turn-off features: male pattern balding, bad breath, bags under my eyes, stuttering and thin lips. I consider myself nature's exercise in physical unattractiveness.
For me, this has placed a huge downer on my confidence. So apart from being particularly unappealing, I have developed self esteem issues as well. I am also very immature and cover my flaws through lying/embellishment.
I had zero(!) romantic or sexual experience until 25, when I got together with a girl who knows me and has liked me for a long time. Of course, she fell in love with my brain rather than my body. Our sex life is not great, both due to my lack of virility and her disattraction to my physique. Our relationships is somewhat unhealthy, since she is the domineering type and I am the doormat type. We do love each other though and I do not long for the single life.
A couple of years ago, I finally decided there had to be a reason for this anomalous body of mine. I researched and found the cause to be a general lack of testosterone, the condition is called hypogonadism. Most guys with hypogonadism have this due to a chromosomal defect (XXY instead of XY) but in my case, this is not so.
Lack of testosterone also explains why I am still so painfully immature at 29. Where other people generally go out and do things I flit from my job (chem. engineer) to my couch and vice versa. I have a bad relationship with alcohol and other drugs, since I lack the strength of mind to say no. Luckily, I am not easily addicted.
I am not depressed, do not really have social anxiety and realise I could improve myself. I have a good job and a loving family. I will never be happy or 'whole'.
TLDR: I'm a guy without testosterone. It sucks. Really.
We all have things we don't like about ourselves.
