driftboy87
Member
- Joined
- Feb 13, 2010
- Messages
- 16
- Reaction score
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Hey ALL,
I'm joining this forum as part of a strategy to actually start my life over after 5 years of being stagnant. I'm also in talk therapy and am using the mindfulness and acceptance workbook for anxiety.
I wasn't always this lonely, but I've never really been happy. From the time I was eight until the time I was seventeen, my life was determined by my mom's bad decisions. She's an alcoholic who blames everything on her parents, and never thinks her situation is good enough. I went to a total of 12 different schools in four different states across the US due to her man and money chasing ways. Finally at the age of 17 I drove myself across the country and went to college. I thought I could fake normality with my peers, but after 2 years my mind finally snapped and I started having major panic attacks (I didn't know what they were at the time). I withdrew and spent nearly an entire year of college in a 12 by 9 dorm room.
Since may of 2006 I've been living back at home, finished college here. I have absolutely zero people to call/hang out with, and it's been that way for about 3 years now. Now whenever I meet someone new, I think of all the times I was mistreated and how I responded: usually with substance use or WAY too much anger. They pick up on these underlying feelings and take off. I don't really blame them anymore. The thought of being in the same place mentally where I was back in 2006 is too much for me to take, so for the most part I just stay around the house, pretending to look for work. I don't really feel like I've grown since about my freshman year of college 5 years ago. Hopefully the steps I'm taking lately will have me unstuck before too long.
Good to have a safe place to talk about this online!
I'm joining this forum as part of a strategy to actually start my life over after 5 years of being stagnant. I'm also in talk therapy and am using the mindfulness and acceptance workbook for anxiety.
I wasn't always this lonely, but I've never really been happy. From the time I was eight until the time I was seventeen, my life was determined by my mom's bad decisions. She's an alcoholic who blames everything on her parents, and never thinks her situation is good enough. I went to a total of 12 different schools in four different states across the US due to her man and money chasing ways. Finally at the age of 17 I drove myself across the country and went to college. I thought I could fake normality with my peers, but after 2 years my mind finally snapped and I started having major panic attacks (I didn't know what they were at the time). I withdrew and spent nearly an entire year of college in a 12 by 9 dorm room.
Since may of 2006 I've been living back at home, finished college here. I have absolutely zero people to call/hang out with, and it's been that way for about 3 years now. Now whenever I meet someone new, I think of all the times I was mistreated and how I responded: usually with substance use or WAY too much anger. They pick up on these underlying feelings and take off. I don't really blame them anymore. The thought of being in the same place mentally where I was back in 2006 is too much for me to take, so for the most part I just stay around the house, pretending to look for work. I don't really feel like I've grown since about my freshman year of college 5 years ago. Hopefully the steps I'm taking lately will have me unstuck before too long.
Good to have a safe place to talk about this online!
