helen
Well-known member
hi everyone, nice to meet you (well, figuratively speaking anyway...)! i've been trying to think of some kind of pleasant preamble to start with, but i thought it would just be better if i cut to the chase. ah well.
i'm helen. i'm 22, and i can honestly say that i don't have a single friend or family member on earth. my parents were... not nice people. yeah, i know how ungrateful/melodramatic that sounds but sadly, it's true, and it feels good to say it. yeah. i have a job (in a call centre... i thought it would do me good if i was forced to speak to people on the phone. it didn't.) but i don't speak to anyone in the office. i sit in a toilet cubicle during breaks, and at the end of the day i hang around for ten minutes so i don't have to get in the lift with anyone. i've tried - i overheard people talking about peep show one day, not long after i'd started, so i actually got the dvd that night and watched it so i'd have something to talk to them about. and then i didn't have the courage to say anything about it, because doing something like that is weird and i think they'd realise how odd i was. well, the dvd was funny so at least it wasn't a total waste.
i think what bothers me is a. the thought that i'm so completely wasting my life (i get very down when i hear about people dying because i think that whoever they were, at least there would be someone somewhere who'd miss them) and b. the sheer boredom. on weekends, i do literally nothing but lay in bed and get drunk. over christmas, i seriously considered walking out into traffic or something so i'd spend it in hospital... after all nurses have pretty much got to be nice to you, and i thought it had to be better than having nothing but the queen's speech for company. i realise how sick that is and how low it is to take advantage of a hospital's resources... but that's how i feel sometimes.
i hope there's such a thing as reincarnation because i've made such a mess of this life. there are so many things i've never done - eaten in a restaurant, seen a film in a cinema - that are probably just mundane to other people. i used to convince myself that i'd just been unlucky, but now i realise that if you make it into your twenties without a single contact in the world, there's something pretty wrong with you. even if i did make a friend, how would i explain that to them?
wow, this has become pretty long. sorry that my first post here is such a downer, but hopefully it'll make you feel better about yourself if nothing else. thanks for letting this freak get all this off her chest.
i'm helen. i'm 22, and i can honestly say that i don't have a single friend or family member on earth. my parents were... not nice people. yeah, i know how ungrateful/melodramatic that sounds but sadly, it's true, and it feels good to say it. yeah. i have a job (in a call centre... i thought it would do me good if i was forced to speak to people on the phone. it didn't.) but i don't speak to anyone in the office. i sit in a toilet cubicle during breaks, and at the end of the day i hang around for ten minutes so i don't have to get in the lift with anyone. i've tried - i overheard people talking about peep show one day, not long after i'd started, so i actually got the dvd that night and watched it so i'd have something to talk to them about. and then i didn't have the courage to say anything about it, because doing something like that is weird and i think they'd realise how odd i was. well, the dvd was funny so at least it wasn't a total waste.
i think what bothers me is a. the thought that i'm so completely wasting my life (i get very down when i hear about people dying because i think that whoever they were, at least there would be someone somewhere who'd miss them) and b. the sheer boredom. on weekends, i do literally nothing but lay in bed and get drunk. over christmas, i seriously considered walking out into traffic or something so i'd spend it in hospital... after all nurses have pretty much got to be nice to you, and i thought it had to be better than having nothing but the queen's speech for company. i realise how sick that is and how low it is to take advantage of a hospital's resources... but that's how i feel sometimes.
i hope there's such a thing as reincarnation because i've made such a mess of this life. there are so many things i've never done - eaten in a restaurant, seen a film in a cinema - that are probably just mundane to other people. i used to convince myself that i'd just been unlucky, but now i realise that if you make it into your twenties without a single contact in the world, there's something pretty wrong with you. even if i did make a friend, how would i explain that to them?
wow, this has become pretty long. sorry that my first post here is such a downer, but hopefully it'll make you feel better about yourself if nothing else. thanks for letting this freak get all this off her chest.