Hello

[hush]

Hi, I came here for some advice I think, or maybe just to tell my story to someone just to let it out.
Anyway, I'm a 21 year old guy. Used to have lots of friends, well not friends, buddys, people I hung out with and had good time with, but I wouldn't call them friends. A few years back I got into some trouble, decided to stay home for a few days, lay low, it was as simple as that. So I stayed home, I watched tv, played video games etc, had plenty to do. Days turned into days, days into months, months into years. I cut all contact with my friends, became completely isolated. I still went to school, where I'd meet people, but never made any close friends, and as soon as I'd walk out of school I'd go straight home. The thing is, I liked it. I was in that state for a few years. I liked being alone, had plenty of fun things to do at home and never felt the need to go out and be with other people. It only started to bother me about a year ago or so. I suddenly felt like I've had enough of this, as fun as it was, I suddenly wanted to get out, make friends, get a girlfriend etc. The problem is, I can't do that. I can't just go out and ask people to be my friends. I don't know how to do this. I feel like I've dug myself into a deep hole and now I can't climb my way out. I enjoyed being in that hole for a while, I'm ready to get out but I just can't, I don't know how. I've been depressed for about a year, recently my mother had passed away under tragic circumstances and I started considering suicide. I realize it's the stupidest thing I could possibly do, and I'd never do it, but I can't help feeling like death would be a relief. I used to be very optimistic about life, now I can't see a future for myself.
I realize that in reality I'm blessed. I have a roof over my head, I'm not hungry or poor and I have health (for now). I've had a rough life but I know there are so many unfortunate people in the world who would switch with me in an instant. It's just that I can't help feeling lonely and I can't seem to find a solution to that.

Thanks for listening.

 

[Guest]

Hey man, I won't say that I understand what you are going through, but I know part of it. I too had "friends" when I was a kid, but no one so close that they really stayed with me when we all grew up. Then I got married. Ooops. Between her Asian culture and her top-secret government job, I was never able to actually make friends, they might ask what she did for a living. Living a lie kept me from making any real friends.

Now we are separated, the divorce is pending. The only social activity I am active with is the martial arts, but since I am now working full-time as an instructor, I have to keep professional distance from everyone. So, I go home every night and watch TV, or play video games, or search the internet.

I know that this might not help, but hey, you're not alone.

 

[Leon]

I think we can take something valuable out of what Guest said: keep yourself active in something that involves other people. Get yourself into a fresh environment that allows you the chance to meet new people. It is easier to meet people when there is a first impression pending. Even so, this doesn't mean that making friends at school or university, where you have always given this image of a lone wolf, is impossible. Just show them that you are able to interact with people and not affraid to do so. Nonetheless, try to stay out of trouble, kid! I am not trying to scrutinize into your life, but you need friends that will advise you about what is right and wrong.

Always remember that suicide is plain dumb: life has a million possibilities! There is so much to see and do that it would be plain stupid to just drop it. You are 21 years old, having much ahead to live. Try just not to waste your time.