Hey

Rand · Jul 10, 2024

I'm Rand. It's short for Randy. I'm a very lonely 54 age married man. Intimacy is gone. Not sure of even why.

Thanks for having me.

okidoke · Jul 10, 2024

Hey Rand. It can certainly be a sad situation I know. All I can say is people change in different ways and at their own pace, and I guess we sometimes don't change the same way as our partners and things get out of sync, and feelings, emotions, opinions and expectations become so misaligned that we might even get to the point where we're even resenting our partners. BTW, I'm 57 and been married for 26 years.

TheRealCallie · Jul 10, 2024

Not sure of your situation or your partner's age, but if you have a wife, it could be related to menopause and/or a lack of estrogen. It's pretty well known that menopause tends to decrease sexual desire. Now someone is going to come at me with a "intimacy isn't all about sex" and yes, I know this, BUT....when you don't feel sexual desire, sometimes you don't feel like being touched or showing affection and you don't feel desirable, so you just stop everything. It could be as simple as that. It could be much more complicated than that.

If you have a husband...well, I'm not sure because I'm a woman, but a lack of testosterone could do the same thing as a lack of estrogen.

Have you tried discussing your concerns with your spouse?

Rand · Jul 10, 2024

okidoke said:
Hey Rand. It can certainly be a sad situation I know. All I can say is people change in different ways and at their own pace, and I guess we sometimes don't change the same way as our partners and things get out of sync, and feelings, emotions, opinions and expectations become so misaligned that we might even get to the point where we're even resenting our partners. BTW, I'm 57 and been married for 26 years.

We're definitely out of sync. She doesn't like to talk things through, but is a good listener. I guess. Kinda like talking to my dog. Listens, doesn't respond.

I'm 54 male, married for 30 years, but honestly miserable.

Rand · Jul 10, 2024

TheRealCallie said:
Not sure of your situation or your partner's age, but if you have a wife, it could be related to menopause and/or a lack of estrogen. It's pretty well known that menopause tends to decrease sexual desire. Now someone is going to come at me with a "intimacy isn't all about sex" and yes, I know this, BUT....when you don't feel sexual desire, sometimes you don't feel like being touched or showing affection and you don't feel desirable, so you just stop everything. It could be as simple as that. It could be much more complicated than that.

If you have a husband...well, I'm not sure because I'm a woman, but a lack of testosterone could do the same thing as a lack of estrogen.

Have you tried discussing your concerns with your spouse?

Wife's age is 54 also. I think my T is ok. My sex drive is almost off the charts. Her's not so much. She likes it, but rarely if ever initiates.

My job is extremely stressful, which seems to increase my drive. Plus, other stresses.

I've tried talking to her in the past, but she only listens, but doesn't really respond, at least for the long term.

Thanks for letting me vent.