ohsoalone
Active member
Hi all, don't really know where to start, I guess we are all here for feeling pretty much the same thing. I guess Ive always been alone in a way, never had many friends at school, always kind of a loner anyway etc. I guess I really noticed that people didn't seem to want me around, or didn't care if I was or not, when I was about 16. Over our christmas/summer break from school (aus), I pretty much stayed at home, like I had most holidays, thinking that was pretty normal. It wasn't until I began the next school year that I realised this wasn't normal. All my "friends" had basically been on a 7 week party. The year before we'd pretty much all been discovering drinking, drugs, parties etc, all of which I was (and still am) into. It was like, as soon as I was out of sight, I was out of mind. Then back at school I basically had to pretend like I still wanted to be around all those people, so I could go to the parties instead of being alone. For a while I met some new people and it was ok, but then the same thing happened, and has been on repeat for 10 years, and now here I am.
I still try sometimes, but it's hard, and painful, I don't really trust people not to burn and get rid of me. I've made a couple of good friends over the last 2 years, but I still have this fear that any day they could just ignore me and I'll be back to zero again. I've not told my current friends how I feel, that has severely back fired on me a couple of times in the past few years, so now I just go with whatevers going on, and hope for the best. I guess time will tell
*sigh* I've never really put anything like this about myself out there, and this is far from the whole story, though I feel a bit of that weight off my chest and shoulders...
I still try sometimes, but it's hard, and painful, I don't really trust people not to burn and get rid of me. I've made a couple of good friends over the last 2 years, but I still have this fear that any day they could just ignore me and I'll be back to zero again. I've not told my current friends how I feel, that has severely back fired on me a couple of times in the past few years, so now I just go with whatevers going on, and hope for the best. I guess time will tell
*sigh* I've never really put anything like this about myself out there, and this is far from the whole story, though I feel a bit of that weight off my chest and shoulders...
