Horrid social skills.

[timzor]

In groups I am usually the one who adds a random comment every now and then, these groups are usually just acquaintances, I don't really have someone I can call a friend.... I'm usually a listener...

I would like to be around people but feel uncomfortable around them because I often don't know how to act, what to say and its rather awkward especially in 1 on 1s, I don't really contribute much in groups either....

I have a work party this weekend and was wondering how I should act... I don't really talk much to my workmates at work and tend to hang out by myself at parties ;|

 

[Nina]

If you have even a passing raport with one of your fellow workers admit to them, before the party ,that you are a nervous wreck in situations like that. I had that happen one year when a new employee said that to me and I kept him with me for the whole party and introduced him around.

I think a good many men would do the same thing. Also if you get there and see someone else standing to the side, go up and say something funny like, We can just stand here togther and pretend we know each other. Then we won't look so lost." It could lead to a friendship.

Many times very shy folks can appear standoffish like they don't want to be bothered or are just unfriendly. Try to smile here and there and approach other folks who look uncomfortable.

 

[Cereal]

Be yourself, that is all you can be. Don't try and be someone else to fit in with your workmates. As Nina said shyness and social anxiety is so oftenly misinterpreted as just rudeness or anti-social behaviour, so I suggest if they comment on your quietness which most people tend to do because they feel awkward if they don't - reply with an honest answer, let them know you are just a shy/quiet person and there isn't really much you can do about it. Alot of people will see this as a positive thing. If 90% of the people at your work like to talk, and you like to listen.. you'll be popular.

 

[Luna]

In groups I am usually the one who adds a random comment every now and then, these groups are usually just acquaintances, I don't really have someone I can call a friend.... I'm usually a listener...

I would like to be around people but feel uncomfortable around them because I often don't know how to act, what to say and its rather awkward especially in 1 on 1s, I don't really contribute much in groups either....

I have a work party this weekend and was wondering how I should act... I don't really talk much to my workmates at work and tend to hang out by myself at parties ;|

Hmm...sounds like me except I do much better one-on-one.
In a group, I do not stand out.
My light is dimmer than the rest.

I have tried 'acting' and 'being more outgoing', but people can see through it. Best that you do not go that route, and simply not think too much of it.

People like to talk about themselves; try asking your co-workers if they did anything interesting this summer or if they have any other interesting plans coming up. Depending on the age group, you'll hear them chatter away about trips, family, themselves etc.
Then just offer a bit about yourself.

I am not an expert at socializing, but I noticed touching on simple chatter seems to warm people a bit up more.

Have fun and take care.

 

[timzor]

Thanks for your replies guys... I'll see if I can talk to some people at work tomorrow about it.

If you have even a passing raport with one of your fellow workers admit to them, before the party ,that you are a nervous wreck in situations like that. I had that happen one year when a new employee said that to me and I kept him with me for the whole party and introduced him around.

I think a good many men would do the same thing. Also if you get there and see someone else standing to the side, go up and say something funny like, We can just stand here togther and pretend we know each other. Then we won't look so lost." It could lead to a friendship.

Many times very shy folks can appear standoffish like they don't want to be bothered or are just unfriendly. Try to smile here and there and approach other folks who look uncomfortable.

I also tend to hang around people I know a bit better and can come across a bit clingy at times, I guess I'm just afraid to put myself out...

Cheers for the "We can just stand here togther and pretend we know each other. Then we won't look so lost.", that put a smile on my face.

Be yourself, that is all you can be. Don't try and be someone else to fit in with your workmates. As Nina said shyness and social anxiety is so oftenly misinterpreted as just rudeness or anti-social behaviour, so I suggest if they comment on your quietness which most people tend to do because they feel awkward if they don't - reply with an honest answer, let them know you are just a shy/quiet person and there isn't really much you can do about it. Alot of people will see this as a positive thing. If 90% of the people at your work like to talk, and you like to listen.. you'll be popular.

I do come across as rude sometimes I guess when I say the wrong thing instead of what I actually meant... As with the being myself thing, I'm just not comfortable at times to just "be myself" and right now I'm not really sure who I am at this point in life..

In groups I am usually the one who adds a random comment every now and then, these groups are usually just acquaintances, I don't really have someone I can call a friend.... I'm usually a listener...

I would like to be around people but feel uncomfortable around them because I often don't know how to act, what to say and its rather awkward especially in 1 on 1s, I don't really contribute much in groups either....

I have a work party this weekend and was wondering how I should act... I don't really talk much to my workmates at work and tend to hang out by myself at parties ;|

Hmm...sounds like me except I do much better one-on-one.
In a group, I do not stand out.
My light is dimmer than the rest.

I have tried 'acting' and 'being more outgoing', but people can see through it. Best that you do not go that route, and simply not think too much of it.

People like to talk about themselves; try asking your co-workers if they did anything interesting this summer or if they have any other interesting plans coming up. Depending on the age group, you'll hear them chatter away about trips, family, themselves etc.
Then just offer a bit about yourself.

I am not an expert at socializing, but I noticed touching on simple chatter seems to warm people a bit up more.

Have fun and take care.

I do try and prompt people to talk about their lives but sooner or later, the topics run out and usually ends up with an awkward silence but im working on it ;]

Any ideas for what I should wear for fancy dress? I was thinking regular clothes and wear a mask I have from camp a few months back...

 

[Luna]

I do try and prompt people to talk about their lives but sooner or later, the topics run out and usually ends up with an awkward silence but im working on it ;]

Any ideas for what I should wear for fancy dress? I was thinking regular clothes and wear a mask I have from camp a few months back...

Maybe it isn't because of you.
There is no harm in seeking improvement on your social skills of course.
But sometimes...you just do not 'click' with a person.
With some people, the conversation may flow naturally.
With other people, the conversation may seem to have barriers that come up.
Maybe you haven't found anyone you click with yet.

For conversations with my co-workers, I try to keep the conversations professional and light (No controversial subjects that could offend) because I simply only intend to maintain a positive work-relationship with them all.
I get paid to work, not to make friends.
For them to know me on a personal level would be too close for comfort, as there is often back-stabbing and also often gossip around the water-cooler.
Maybe your "running out of topics" is because of the limits that you have set in your mind?
I know it is for me; I'll usually stick in a joke about pulling a vanishing act, and then I exit haha.
Certain things, or even a lot of personal matters, you just do not touch with your co-workers especially when you do not know their true person.

( I know, I'm rambling, but that's just what I do. Sorry. <.< )

Anyway, you didn't ask for all of my blah-blah.
All you asked was...uh...what to wear.
Umm...look nice and clean, and not like a rainbow is all I can suggest.

 

[timzor]

Thanks for the reply Luna, appreciate it ;]

I guess I'm just looking for someone to be friends with and a group of people that I see regularly who are of course my co-workers since I don't have that many >.< , not good ones anyway... School is another place to make friends but, there's only one month left and don't think much would come out...