How can I calm down and stop being a f****** weirdo?

[The Replicated Man]

So, a bit of background information: I've known this girl for a little over a year. Met her in a class, asked her out once and was let down gently. There was a bunch of bitterness on my part and things just spiraled from there and we had this huge fight. I mean, my business was in everyone's ears by the end and I was mortified.

We patched things up before the summer break. A lot of people told me to get over her but I never have. Spent a lot of that summer just sulking/obsessing over her. Texted her a few times to ease my mind. Her responses were usually trite and superficial (if any) but on occasion, we had conversations of actual depth. I became interested in other things and other people and didn't need to talk to her as much but we did often enough. Eventually, I figured that I just didn't care anymore.

Recently though, almost halfway through the school year, it's gotten weird again. I've semi-joked about asking her to prom. Her response is that I'll need to "properly" ask. Which I'm more than willing, obviously, but I don't know if that's confirmation that I'll get a yes or what... We've become pretty open about our relation to each other. She understands I like her alot, but hasn't really reciprocated it or rejected it. Maybe the fact that she hasn't reciprocated it is the same as rejecting it? She's a very honest and forthright person. Speaks her mind and feelings with no problem. So, probably she doesn't feel the same. But then, why wouldn't she say so? She's rejected me before. Uh, the problem now is that we're sort of at this weird stage where I feel that I have a 50/50 shot at best. But I'm not willing to really take it. It's at the point where often I'm just awkwardly joking about it with her. I look back on most of our interactions like "ugh".

The main problem I have, the point of the thread I guess, is that she scares me. And I consider myself a person of exceptional bravery. She scares the crap out of me. I'm usually good with words, but around her, my brain literally stops working and often I'm awkwardly staring and making her do most of the talking. It's so bad.... I just, I just can't haha. I just can't even imagine what she thinks about it, jeez. I also feel that I'm too clingy. We aren't even dating. I'm usually the one seeking her out or striking up conversation. Not all the time, but usually. She actually hasn't sent me a text in forever. I'm always the first one. And I feel horrible each and every time I send her one. So I just don't know... I just don't know. I don't really think it's worth pursuing. I don't want to believe that either. We will, at the very least, remain friends. But I really need to calm down and stop being a ******* weirdo.

 

[ardour]

I'd just go ahead and ask her to your prom in a straightforward way without any awkward jokes. She gave you a semi-positive signal so it's not inappropriate to ask, then at least you'll know once and for all.

The main problem I have, the point of the thread I guess, is that she scares me. And I consider myself a person of exceptional bravery. She scares the crap out of me. I'm usually good with words, but around her, my brain literally stops working and often I'm awkwardly staring and making her do most of the talking. It's so bad.... I just, I just can't haha. I just can't even imagine what she thinks about it, jeez. I also feel that I'm too clingy. We aren't even dating. I'm usually the one seeking her out or striking up conversation. Not all the time, but usually. She actually hasn't sent me a text in forever. I'm always the first one. And I feel horrible each and every time I send her one. So I just don't know... I just don't know.

I've been terminally tounge-tied around women, even coming across as aloof or aggressive. That along with my appearance has made for a terrible impression.

Sometimes you can undo this, sometimes you can't. It's part of life but it can feel devastating nonetheless, particularly if it was someone you really respected, had plenty in common with...imagining all those conversations that could have been...torture.

The problem isn't only the attraction but that you (think) you've made a fool of yourself in her eyes and need to change her opinion of you. Right now she's the gatekeeper to your self esteem, and that desperation compounds every time you don't get the desired reaction.

The solution, assuming she rejects your offer, would seem to be going complete cold-turkey and not contacting her again. You're young so there's plenty of time to learn to relax and relate to women you're attracted to a little better.

 

[The Replicated Man]

Your advice is close to spot on, thanks.

 

[Edward W]

Yeah, I agree, you NEED to know where you stand so you can continue. If there is a chance of something then run with it, if not you probably should try and accept that she will only ever want to be friends.

If thats enough then be her friend, take some time away if you need it. Otherwise you should probbly get some distance as you will be unable to move on otherwise.