How can I tell if a girl likes me; also how to ask her out

[el Jay]

(Despite the generic topic title, I'm asking only about the scenario below)

So there's this girl in a couple of my chemistry classes that I've been talking to more and more the past few weeks. She seems more responsive to me lately, and I don't know if this is just because of just becoming friends, or if she might be showing a little (just a little) interest in me.

I'm basically completely and totally blind to all but the most blatant signals, so I really have no idea of what would (or even could) constitute some sort of signal, much less whether it's just basically opening up to me as a friend, or indicating that she's interested in something more than that.

Anyone have any tips for how I could gauge potential interest, so as to avoid making a fool of myself?


Also looking for tips on how I could possibly ask her out, or suggest some elevation in our friendship without putting myself out there too much. I'm even worse at (successfully) doing that than I am at reading subtle signs.

For what it matters, she lives on campus and I commute (from like 5 minutes away). I'm also only 95% sure she's single, so a good way of divining the truth of that assumption would also be appreciated!

 

[Badjedidude]

If you want to gauge potential, just be a man and ask her.

Don't pussyfoot around.

Just straight-up tell her that you kinda like her and ask how she feels about you. You've been talking to her some already, so it shouldn't be weird at all to assume that you're at the level where two people want to figure out where they stand together, if at all.

You can go on and on about signals and signs of behavior all you want, but asking is the most direct, obvious way of knowing.

 

[Zak]

Lol BJD too direct... might not work all the times. It depends. Well ofcourse if the easiest way to find out. hmm well maybe ask her out, coffee or something?


Edit : Ok ok steve ^ that's just MY opinion. Just straight-up tell her that you kinda like her and ask how she feels about you. might work. I have no clue since I dont know them.
Happy now? (UN)

 

[Badjedidude]

^^^It's not too direct.

Just ask her how she feels, or ask her to a movie or lunch or something.

 

[Regumika]

Just ask her how she feels, or ask her to a movie or lunch or something.

pretty much it. i personally would tell her how i feel, then ask her out for a meal.

she will know to respond if she likes you back or not without you directly asking her if she likes you, as long as you tell you how you feel. asking her to join you for a meal after confessing is basically asking her out without the 'pressure' of just saying no to your face.

 

[ladyforsaken]

el Jay, I'm really glad to hear that you've managed to make a friend there. You said before that you lack real life friendships.... so what's wrong with being friends with this girl first? There is no harm in building the friendship first and by the sounds of it, the friendship is still pretty new? You can then try to let her into your life bit by bit and show interest towards her.

I don't know, the guys above have a point there too. But because you said to me before how you're seeking real life friendships because of the lack of it... I think this is a good opportunity for that.

Wish you all the best with what you decide to do.

 

[Drew88]

There is never a way to know, even if a girl tells you or acts likes she likes you. Truth is she will not like you unless your what fits her needs.

 

[el Jay]

el Jay, I'm really glad to hear that you've managed to make a friend there. You said before that you lack real life friendships.... so what's wrong with being friends with this girl first? There is no harm in building the friendship first and by the sounds of it, the friendship is still pretty new? You can then try to let her into your life bit by bit and show interest towards her.

I don't know, the guys above have a point there too. But because you said to me before how you're seeking real life friendships because of the lack of it... I think this is a good opportunity for that.

Wish you all the best with what you decide to do.

Well, I don't really know how to build the friendship beyond just our casual interactions before/after class and if we see each other on campus. But the same can be said about everyone I get along with at college, even people who I get along with really well. On occasion, I've suggested something like we should get something for lunch or similar things (not to this girl, but other people in general), but it usually fails because of different schedules and them being busy during the day.

Also, just to clarify for other people, I'm not that close to her. We've only been really talking the past couple weeks, and I see her twice a week usually. That's the main reason I'm so hesitant to try and make a move.

What sorts of things could I do to better foster a friendship (and maybe something more) between me and her, though? Stuff that isn't too overtly some sort of move (or that could be interpreted as one)?

Thanks for the suggestions so far, though. I appreciate it!

 

[Revengineer]

Honestly, I think you need to show her that you're interested in a possible dating relationship as well as friendship. You already appear to have feelings for her, so why pretend otherwise? That would just make things complicated and awkward down the road. Best to let her know the truth early on so that misunderstandings don't pile up.

It seems the issue is that you haven't had a chance to get to know each other very well. Ask her to hang out with you! Doesn't really matter what you do as long as you're spending quality time together. So what if it'll look like you're making a move, it's kind of the point right?

Also, keep in mind that busy schedules have a tendency to open up when it comes to spending time with a romantic interest...

 

[VanillaCreme]

Not sure how to tell you if she may or may not like you, but if you do decide to ask her out, just be casual with it. Ask her out to lunch or a drink or a coffee... Anything to make it seem like it's not to be such a serious suit-and-tie kind of date.

 

[duff]

It's a fools game trying to figure out if a woman likes you. All women are different. Nothing is set in stone, even if a third party says the girl is interested, proceed with caution.

Find your own way of asking her out. Don't wait too long. Whatever you feel comfortable with. Just do it !

 

[EveWasFramed]

Not sure how to tell you if she may or may not like you, but if you do decide to ask her out, just be casual with it. Ask her out to lunch or a drink or a coffee... Anything to make it seem like it's not to be such a serious suit-and-tie kind of date.

^^ This.

Im surprised at all the advice you're receiving telling you to "tell her how you feel."
DONT "tell her how you feel"...just ask if she wants to hang out sometime or grab some coffee or something. The word "feel" has no place in a conversation before you've even been out with them. Trust me on this.

 

[el Jay]

Not sure how to tell you if she may or may not like you, but if you do decide to ask her out, just be casual with it. Ask her out to lunch or a drink or a coffee... Anything to make it seem like it's not to be such a serious suit-and-tie kind of date.

^^ This.

Im surprised at all the advice you're receiving telling you to "tell her how you feel."
DONT "tell her how you feel"...just ask if she wants to hang out sometime or grab some coffee or something. The word "feel" has no place in a conversation before you've even been out with them. Trust me on this.

Oh, I know very well not to tell a girl how I "feel" just out of the blue like that. Though in this case, I don't really "feel" strongly about her. We just sort of get along and talk a bit more than we did earlier in the semester. So it's not like I'm "in love" with her, or spending my time dying for her while never revealing how I feel, or anything like that.

I'll start looking for opportunities to ask her out to a late lunch after our first class. I talked to her some more today though and have reached the conclusion that I absolutely cannot discern any signals she may or may not be sending.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Not sure how to tell you if she may or may not like you, but if you do decide to ask her out, just be casual with it. Ask her out to lunch or a drink or a coffee... Anything to make it seem like it's not to be such a serious suit-and-tie kind of date.

^^ This.

Im surprised at all the advice you're receiving telling you to "tell her how you feel."
DONT "tell her how you feel"...just ask if she wants to hang out sometime or grab some coffee or something. The word "feel" has no place in a conversation before you've even been out with them. Trust me on this.

Exactly, well said Eve.

 

[duff]

Not sure how to tell you if she may or may not like you, but if you do decide to ask her out, just be casual with it. Ask her out to lunch or a drink or a coffee... Anything to make it seem like it's not to be such a serious suit-and-tie kind of date.

^^ This.

Im surprised at all the advice you're receiving telling you to "tell her how you feel."
DONT "tell her how you feel"...just ask if she wants to hang out sometime or grab some coffee or something. The word "feel" has no place in a conversation before you've even been out with them. Trust me on this.

agree

 

[lusker]

Agree with Eve. Don't scare the poor ***** away by coming across as needy, desperate, anxious, intense, serious, or anything that goes beyond friendly banter at this point. At this stage the only safe option is coffee. I'm not even sure I'd go one-on-one with her yet; is there a mutual friend (female) you can bring in on your side? Somebody that could put in a good word for you when you casually excuse yourself mid-frappucino and disappear for a quick stress-wank in the men's room? What other women think of you is equally as important as her own first impressions. For example, if she thinks your cute and funny, but a woman who knows you better says otherwise - then your chances are slim at best. If you can pull off the chaperoned coffee date, then you might look for an excuse to eat together; again, go for a casual, easygoing vibe and absolutely no pressure. At the same time, start giving her the impression that you enjoy her company, and not just because you are mentally transposing her face onto the body of that brunette from the latest porn vid you have been fapping to lately. Face it mate, women are bloody hard work, but they are worth it.

 

[el Jay]

Still haven't had a chance to ask her out to lunch or anything. She usually leaves class flanked by two (2) other girls, and when she doesn't, she has another class right afterwards (only sometimes), or something else to do. Not really sure how to get past that and be successful in asking. Come to think of it, pretty much everyone at my college is constantly busy every day. Maybe that's why it feels like it's difficult to feel like I've made friends there in general.

It's also hard to get past my general fear with women that, if I try to ask them out, they'll think I was only being nice to them so I could ask them out. I think I'm just gonna give up on the idea of asking this girl out, because while she's nice, it doesn't seem like it's worth the effort of worrying about how I'm gonna manage to ask her out and whether she'll be up for it.

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Give her a chicken egg and say, "I want to have babies with you in the future." "As long as you keep this egg intact, our love will survive." Works EVERY time... My advice is sound.

Just give it a try and ask her out. Just psyche yourself up. Wait for the opportunity, when you feel the most nervous, that means you are doing things right, and when you are about to give up, just say to yourself, "don't be a *****, ask her out." Courage is hot.

 

[jeffcallahan]

Always assume that she's single.

One question: Are you putting off taking action because it's more comfortable to postpone a potentially awesome/awkward outcome?

If so read this: http://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=27445

Invite her to go make paper airplanes with you on the quad. Do something childish and fun.

Big thing is: Make it LOW PRESSURE...this will make it easier for both of you.

 

[MajorCitizen]

Even if she rejects your interest, smile that you have had the heart and enough about yourself to ask in the first place and remember rejection isn't always a reflection of you, the said person could have all kinds of personal issues they are dealing with that is being kept within its not always a reflection on you but once you ask believe me you will do it again.