How can this forum be more effective?

[durantula35]

How can we help those here to better heal their loneliness and recover or make new friendships? Just wanted to get any creative ideas flowing.

Thanks.

 

[The Good Citizen]

Change has to come from the individual, I know when I give advice especially on matters of the heart, 99 times out of a 100 its in one ear and out the other, people know deep down what they need or want to do and whatever you say will act on impulse and do what they were going to all along.

I don't know maybe setting targets for people who were open to it. Like you need to go out and introduce yourself to one new person this weekend and don't come back until you have! Something pracitcal that people can report back on rather than the endles cycle of talking and not doing. If you are out of shape physically your given an excercise plan, if you are out of shape emotionally where's the 10 step plan to happiness? It might work to have something to stick by and know your are taking positive action and know where you're heading.

 

[Depressedology]

i was just on this post,
http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-unhappy-about-wasted-years-of-unhappiness

it was pretty much the situation I'm going through now.

I private messaged one of the guys for a skype talk

I will see how it goes. I'm trying to separate sharing an issue and stepping to solve it.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

People have to reach out to others.

Sadly, this is a problem that many seem to have a problem with, because society in general doesn't accept lonely people.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I say delete the forum. If lovers like us have less places to wallow together. We will either change or kill ourselves. Either way we win.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Wow...

I think sites like this and others are effective enough as they are. It gives people a place to go with like minded individuals they can talk to that get them. People who understand what they are going through. Without that I shudder to think what would happen to society as a whole. At least we know we are not alone out there, even when we feel so alone.

 

[deprived]

Even when I'm lonely I can go for a walk with, some cool tunes, breathe in the crisp air, and forget about me and just see nature. Then I get back home and everything seems better, if only for a moment.

 

[fox]

If I understand the question correctly...

I think to support people in what ever it is they seek here(of course, only if it is reasonable).. this is all that can be done. How it can be more effective, this depends on the person, why they come here and if there is some thing they wish for, and then it is up to that person to make it more effective for them.

What i mean, for example, if some person comes and has wish to make a friend, they can not play a quiet role and hope a friend will come to them, but what is best is this person tells they wish to make a friend and looks actively for it... that is the only way it can really be most effective, I believe.

 

[Lonely in BC]

Wow...

I think sites like this and others are effective enough as they are. It gives people a place to go with like minded individuals they can talk to that get them. People who understand what they are going through. Without that I shudder to think what would happen to society as a whole. At least we know we are not alone out there, even when we feel so alone.

Sci-Fi summed it up for me. I've found this site great as it is. I've made a couple of friends that I share e-mails with from time to time and appreciate the things they have to say to me. I've seen things said that I strongly agree with completely and others I just as strongly disagree with. I've had encouraging feedback from other contributers via pm and I've tried to do the same myself. My mind has opened up a lot during the last few months as I've come to see that I'm "not alone in my loneliness" and I've felt encouraged to change my life.

Things are better now than they were just a little while ago- I know it's not because of any magic being here on ALL but the genuine moral support here is uplifting. There was even a brief "flirtation" with someone that made me feel........desirable? Whatever it was it did rekindle feelings that had been dormant for awhile and when my ex (I guess that's not-ex now) opened the door I went through it.

Just a couple of months ago there wasn't a happy place for me, now I have a more optimistic outlook. Thank you everyone for your contributions on this forum- its given me food for thought whether I agree with what you say or not.

So sayeth me

 

[HappyYogi]

Well, people come here to vent, to share and be understood, to try to understand what is happening to them and for helpful advice to change.

If we allow simply listen, try to understand them and perhaps give helpful suggestions...we are doing a lot of healing right there.

 

[Felix]

Wow...

I think sites like this and others are effective enough as they are. It gives people a place to go with like minded individuals they can talk to that get them. People who understand what they are going through. Without that I shudder to think what would happen to society as a whole. At least we know we are not alone out there, even when we feel so alone.

Sci-Fi summed it up for me. I've found this site great as it is. I've made a couple of friends that I share e-mails with from time to time and appreciate the things they have to say to me. I've seen things said that I strongly agree with completely and others I just as strongly disagree with. I've had encouraging feedback from other contributers via pm and I've tried to do the same myself. My mind has opened up a lot during the last few months as I've come to see that I'm "not alone in my loneliness" and I've felt encouraged to change my life.

Things are better now than they were just a little while ago- I know it's not because of any magic being here on ALL but the genuine moral support here is uplifting. There was even a brief "flirtation" with someone that made me feel........desirable? Whatever it was it did rekindle feelings that had been dormant for awhile and when my ex (I guess that's not-ex now) opened the door I went through it.

Just a couple of months ago there wasn't a happy place for me, now I have a more optimistic outlook. Thank you everyone for your contributions on this forum- its given me food for thought whether I agree with what you say or not.

So sayeth me

I too am grateful to this site as it is and the people who help making it. It helped me realize some things.

 

[Ak5]

This site needs an Award. An epic one!

 

[LoneKiller]

I think that maybe trying to find a way to make threads
and posts a little more private would be nice. A lot of members, myself included are honest about some very personal things that the rest of the world doesn't need to see.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Do not get mad at me for answering the question. I stick by this forum. The problem with people is most would rather be miserable and around people than happy and alone. So why become happy if you are around another miserable person? This forum kind of reminds me of a manga I read called Confidential confessions. It is a set of short really sad stories. Anyway in the first one there is a girl who is lonely and depressed. Then she meets a girl who cuts her self. This girl introduces the other girl to cutting herself. Over time they eventually grow close. To the point of where they decide to make a suicide pact. Of course they did all the stuff they wanted to do before they died. However, the main character got cold feet when the time came. Because in the end she only wanted a friend.

I am sure that happens to plenty of people on here. We just do not see it. Everyone starts out miserable and buddy buddy. Then suddenly one changes and a friendship ends. I feel that places like this are really a terrible place to be. Like I said people are forced to change or die if they are forced into a corner. That is why we need places like this to go away.

groups, forums, whatever only encourage people to suffer. They also encourage people to cause suffering. Who is to stop someone from joining this forum and being mean? Yeah the mods can ban them if they break rules. However, what happens when there are no rules broken?

Either way this forum can be more effective by not being here.

only way that I can really see it being effective at all.y

 

[TropicalStarfish]

Nachos...

 

[durantula35]

Do not get mad at me for answering the question. I stick by this forum. The problem with people is most would rather be miserable and around people than happy and alone. So why become happy if you are around another miserable person? This forum kind of reminds me of a manga I read called Confidential confessions. It is a set of short really sad stories. Anyway in the first one there is a girl who is lonely and depressed. Then she meets a girl who cuts her self. This girl introduces the other girl to cutting herself. Over time they eventually grow close. To the point of where they decide to make a suicide pact. Of course they did all the stuff they wanted to do before they died. However, the main character got cold feet when the time came. Because in the end she only wanted a friend.

I am sure that happens to plenty of people on here. We just do not see it. Everyone starts out miserable and buddy buddy. Then suddenly one changes and a friendship ends. I feel that places like this are really a terrible place to be. Like I said people are forced to change or die if they are forced into a corner. That is why we need places like this to go away.

groups, forums, whatever only encourage people to suffer. They also encourage people to cause suffering. Who is to stop someone from joining this forum and being mean? Yeah the mods can ban them if they break rules. However, what happens when there are no rules broken?

Either way this forum can be more effective by not being here.

only way that I can really see it being effective at all.y

I admire that you speak what you believe. And there is certainly truth to what you say. If I can interpret correctly, part of what you're saying is that people come here eventually end up trying to make themselves feel better, but they do not necessarily follow up with making lasting changes in their lives. You seem to be a more senior member on this forum and know what goes on, and I'm sure you see a lot of people not making the best use of their time here.

However, I would not go as far to say that getting rid of the forum would solve any problem. Practically speaking, if this forum disappears, the members simply would flock to another site or create another forum. Even if we could somehow ban the internet for all the lonely people, what's to say they won't pick up another lonely habit to replace surfing the web? Drugs? Books? Workaholism? anything to be done alone? True, they may discover how to be happy alone, which is very important, but that doesn't mean they can't do that if they spend time on this forum.

I think it's more accurate to say that this website benefits some of those that come here and possibly wastes time for those that don't make it good use of their time. Some will benefit, some won't get much out of it. I don't think it will HURT anyone though. There's too much good advice here.

Certain people (and even on this very thread!) have taken some advice and put it to good use. They've had a chance to vent, make friends, and share ideas about how to improve

Why should this forum exist? I'd like to give an economist's perspective that the benefits outweigh the costs and therefore adds a positive value to society.

By the way, thanks to everyone who shared their ideas. Keep em' coming!

 

[Felix]

Do not get mad at me for answering the question. I stick by this forum. The problem with people is most would rather be miserable and around people than happy and alone. So why become happy if you are around another miserable person? This forum kind of reminds me of a manga I read called Confidential confessions. It is a set of short really sad stories. Anyway in the first one there is a girl who is lonely and depressed. Then she meets a girl who cuts her self. This girl introduces the other girl to cutting herself. Over time they eventually grow close. To the point of where they decide to make a suicide pact. Of course they did all the stuff they wanted to do before they died. However, the main character got cold feet when the time came. Because in the end she only wanted a friend.

I am sure that happens to plenty of people on here. We just do not see it. Everyone starts out miserable and buddy buddy. Then suddenly one changes and a friendship ends. I feel that places like this are really a terrible place to be. Like I said people are forced to change or die if they are forced into a corner. That is why we need places like this to go away.

groups, forums, whatever only encourage people to suffer. They also encourage people to cause suffering. Who is to stop someone from joining this forum and being mean? Yeah the mods can ban them if they break rules. However, what happens when there are no rules broken?

Either way this forum can be more effective by not being here.

only way that I can really see it being effective at all.y

It is a valid assumption. I tought the same.

However that's all it is: an assumption.

Things don't have to be bad. Things don't have to be anything. It's what YOU make of things that counts.

What I mean is, the website is like a tool. If a person chooses to stay here and find confort in what others think is misery, maybe is not so bad for that person, maybe is what he/she needs at this point of his/her life. We can't really know since we are not that person, we don't even know him/her. Maybe that's better for him than being completly alone, and later in life he/she will dare to get out more. Or not.

What I mean is, even therapy is like this. You can find confort on it and live the same life without improving. What is going to make the difference is YOU.

The rest of the things in the world are just "tools".