How do I fell?

[Green Rock]

A few years ago when I was about 21, my soon-to-be wife left me. You see she wanted kids and at the time, and I told her we should wait until we were more stable, she said that if I wasn't going to give her kids then she would find someone who would. The boy friend she got beats her. I still see her from time to time, she has a little boy now with one on the way, and a black eye and a broken front tooth. How should I fell about all this, I mean when I think about it, it makes me mad and sad all at the same time, but she got what she wanted right?

 

[Punisher]

i think if you see her you should try make her leave him. Or kick the fu**ers ass, i seen it happen to my mum and my sister in law. It makes me feel sick that im related to the people who did it.

 

[SighX99]

uhhh you should feel a little bit better now that shes in the shits?

unless u still love her.
then you try and save her from the hellhole.

HP LOVECRAFT IS AWESOME

 

[Unacceptance]

You don't own her. She made that choice of her own volition, now she will have to live with the consequences. Instead of tangling yourself up with problems you had no hand in doing find someone worth your time. What is going to happen if you can't give her the house she wants, or the car she wants, or the life she wants, is she just going to go out and sleep with someone else who can? fresia that.

 

[Minus]

I would think that waiting until you have some stability in your life before having kids would be reasonable. She must not agree. As you describe it, it seems that she has made other questionable choices. I would be angry and hurt, but realize that it was her life and her choices no matter how much i may disagree with them. Domestic battery adds another element and it just isn't acceptable. For her children's sake and her own, hopefully she decides to get out of the situation.

 

[Punisher]

atleast try to help her because no one deserves that. She's a ***** but thats not the point.

 

[Unacceptance]

atleast try to help her because no one deserves that. She's a ***** but thats not the point.

At that point she can only help herself.

 

[Punisher]

atleast try to help her because no one deserves that. She's a ***** but thats not the point.

At that point she can only help herself.

Its not that easy for some people. They need help sometimes

 

[Unacceptance]

atleast try to help her because no one deserves that. She's a ***** but thats not the point.

At that point she can only help herself.

Its not that easy for some people. They need help sometimes

How is he going to help her in this situation?

 

[Punisher]

atleast try to help her because no one deserves that. She's a ***** but thats not the point.

At that point she can only help herself.

Its not that easy for some people. They need help sometimes

How is he going to help her in this situation?

When he see's her he can talk to her about it, tell her to call the police or what ever. She can listen or not, or green rock can call the police. No ones giving the kids any choices.

 

[Punisher]

Ahh thats a hard one man,I dont really understand why women stay with guys like that but I suppose if she has kids with him its hard for her.
I guess my advice would be to talk to her a bit and see how she feels about the situation,help her out as much as you can.

I know it must suck that she left you but its horrible if she is getting beaten.
She might not want the help and maybe she will stay with him even though he hits her (Plenty of women do ) but you might as well try.
What harm could it do?

Jonny man ! I could kiss you, but i wont

 

[Green Rock]

I think I'm with Unacceptance on this, I'm inclined to just let her rot. I don't think I wont to be her white knight, not any more any way. But on the other hand maybe I should file a police report or give CPS call. Its true that her kids didn't ask for any of this.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Please do some reserch on abusive relationship before you start shooting from the hips, so you
can get a better understanding of what's involved in an abusive relationship.
Perhapse you'll get a better understanding why men/women find it difficult to leave an abusive
relationship. Why the cops gets the same domistic violent call to the same household over and over
again. Yes, it sucks when there's children involved.
If your intensions or motives are pure...You simply know that, that couple needs help.
Of course...you can't help people that don't want help.
There's plenty of help for couples with marrital problems and what comes with the territory.

My ex-gf was a cps worker, especifically dealing with children from broken or abussive home.
The children are effected either way. She has to go remove the children and sometimes it can get
pretty hairy. That job trumatize the hell out of her..that's all I know. She'll come home crying from
time to time. To do her job more effective she has to keep a cool head and not be emotionally
involved. She's a trained professional but she still has a tough time.

It's a touch call...we're only hearing your side of the story. For all I know you're probably
just a family wrecker.

I garantee you...if you have a GF or a woman in your life ATM. That last thing on your mind
is to be wondering and worring about her or her kids.

 

[lovehurtme]

I would feel sad, angry, and hurt. I can imagine the range of emotions you are feeling. I hope you are moved to help her, though I understand your hesitation.

 

[Green Rock]

I'm just working out all the bitterness I got out of all this. I'm not trying to wreck anything for anyone. Like I said, I'm going to try to help as much I can, but I don't want to be in the line of fire so to speck.

 

[Unacceptance]

I agree with the kids concern thing. Just for the record.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

That why I don't date married women or women living with other guys....it's too messy.

It's hard to make sane decisions when there's emotional attachments involved.
The more contacts you have with her ( with her current situation ) ,the more you'll
be reminded that she left you. The sick abussive relationship is contaminating you.
You're emotions are getting dragged through the mud....even if it's not done intentionally.
You're already are in the line of fire by having contacts with her.

If you truely love her...there's a lot of marrital counseling you'll probably have to
go through with her if you wish to be with her.

Lets say she divorced the guy. And he is completey out of picture...(which probably won't happen)
Hualing the kids around or dropping them off every other weekend are extra responsibilites.....already.

Anyway, You'll be forever be remined about the other
guy that she left you for.....through the kids. You'll see a part of him everyday.

Can you love and cherrish the children as if they are your own and not just some extra luggage ?
Well you be able to restain your bitterness for her and not take it out on the children when you
get into an argument with her ? Arguments are part of a relationship....it comes with the territory.

It's no longer just her.

What if the child has a bond with his/her father ?

Then there's...if she left you once, she'll leave you again.