how do you find out?

[man of one]

Well almost a year ago i called the girl i have liked for a looong time now to see how she was, cause we never see each other anymore and it had been a long while since we had talked in any form so i called her and man was i nervous when i did but i somehow got the courage to do it i guess that's how much i like her cause im horrible in anything social even talking on the phone lol, anyways she answered and seemed happy to see me calling, we talked for a while about different stuff, and then as we where about to say bye i said we should meet up one day to see each other, she answered saying she had a boyfriend and he wouldn't like that idea. I obviously was a bit sad to hear that but said no problem and we said our goodbyes...well now as i said close to a year has passed and i have no idea how to find out if she is still with the guy cause if i call/text her i wouldn't know what to say to find out if they are still together..i can't ask her out again cause if she is still with him she will think im some forgetful idiot...any advice on how to find out in an indirect manner? cause i really don't wanna just ask her flat out it would just get awkward im sure and i don't want that..

Only indication that she may have left the guy is she ALWAYS had a pic of her and him on messenger now it's just her and it has been that way for like a month, i know that it is pretty weak evidence and they may still be together but i have to be sure cause if by some miracle she is single i cannot let her get away again..thanks in advanced for the help

 

[IgnoredOne]

You could, y'know, just ask her how she is doing, is she still with that guy?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I would ask her out again. You said it has been a year right? You could also stalk her from Facebook as well.

 

[jjam]

It's really tricky and I'd be lying if I said I know exactly what you should do.
If someone has a boyfriend, I try not to think of them in "that" way at all. I let them be and continue searching for someone that's right for me. If she has a real interest in you after she breaks up with him, there's a possibility of her pursuing you and somehow letting you know. Without evidence to the contrary, I always assume a break up will not happen, despite the fact that it happens all the time.

I'm sorry you don't have this girl if you really believe you could love her amd feel loved by her. That is a pretty painful feeling. While my situation with a certain woman is different, I have made myself vulnerable to to acquiring that pain because I'm falling for someone who's not guaranteed to come with me. So considering what I'm going through with a woman I've been envisioning an everlasting marriage with lately, where the needle in my brain is that uncertainty about her level of interest in me (courtesy of some very confusing signals), I'd say don't give up. Keep her in mind and try again later. But again, your situation is quite a bit different from mine. As I said earlier, I'd be inclined to leave her alone if she has a boyfriend.

edit:
I missed the part that deals with your "evidence" that she's single again.
Hey, go for it! You could, just as a friend, ask her if she'd accompany you to the aquarium. See, some women are actually not afraid to have male friends while they're in relationships. It's kind of a silly world we live in, but a woman or man feeling they can't spend time with someone of the opposite sex as FRIENDS is what happens when two people in a romantic relationship have trust issues. It kind of makes you wonder how they can manage to have a relationship that can stand the test of time. IF she declines, she might say for the same reason she told you before - that she has a boyfriend. We already know that sort of reply is an option in her roster of potential responses to invitations out from men. So, I say just invite her again. If she's seeing someone, she'll probably tell you just that. If she's not, and she AT LEAST wants your friendship, she'll likely accept! To avoid FEELING embarrassment, you must first FEEL that you are asking her out harmlessly. You have to believe that it is more so about a friendly gesture than anything else, I think. So yeah, go for it!

 

[floffyschneeman]

you have her in your messenger? so what if the next time you see her online, you could say, ''hey hi! it's been a long time. how are you? how have you been? how are you with that dude, what's your boyfriend's name again?''. I dont know, but isn't that how they do in movies? ^^


As for me, I kinda agree with jjam. Anyway, good luck though. I hope it works I think it's so cute you are pursuing someone you really want despite the odds. You're a dream boy to most girls. But well, life has it's own cruel way of playing with people. BAH! C'est la vie ^^

 

[jjam]

Just "kinda"!?!?!? Don't you know I am the MASTA of relationship advice?










And now I must go to PM a certain member of ALL for the zillionth time...

 

[floffyschneeman]

Oh, I didn't know that. ^^ I suck at relationship advice as I haven't been in one. But if I ever need a good advice then I know who to ask




argh! I hate that. PMing someone who never replies

 

[VanillaCreme]

Well, you could call her up, and after a while of talking to her, ask how her boyfriend is. Usually when you talk to someone you haven't spoken to in a long time, you ask how they are, how their family is and such. So it's not so intrusive, but she'll tell you anyway. And if he's not in the picture anymore, then ask her out for lunch or something.

But just because she's not with a boyfriend anymore, doesn't mean she wants you either. So don't be disappointed if she doesn't want you as a boyfriend. But I see no harm in going out to lunch with her or something.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

You can easliy and simply just ask her and not make a mountain out of a mole hill.

I hate it when I have a thing for one particular chick. Then I put my
life on hold. The sands of time that I will never get back.
Then she'll say no, or she's not avaliable for some reason or another.
Even if she dose say yes..she not's not that person I've created in
my mind to be. Putting all my eggs in one basket.

I'm no relationship expert and I have relationships challenges.
But I do have the social skills of meeting women. It's
not as complicated as most make it to be.
No matter how you think about it or whatever angle yo wanna to aprroch it.
Ultimately you're either going to ask her or you're not.
It's this particular ACTION you must ACT upon.
So rather making such as huge deal out of it and wonder if it's right
or wrong...what's wrong about it is you not taking those simple actions.

I've asked plenty of women out. Plenty of women asked me out.
I've been rejected, stood up, heart broken and all kinds of stuff.
I've also fell in love and had a lot of fun too...
I asked and I tired. At least My life wasnt on hold no matter where the
chips fall.

Maybe try asking other women out.

It's like this dude...there's no garantee in life other than these.
One, you're gonna die.
Two, you must live until you die.
Three, everything in between are optional.

Just ask her dude..I see no harm in you ******* the living honeysuckle out of her either.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Just ask. There's no harm in asking, just don't get yourself too emotionally involved or invested. My personal experience indicates that it'll be fine - the issue usually lies in the guy(and this included myself at times) getting far too serious and involved.

 

[man of one]

thanks for the advice people, I would ask her and obviously no harm would come in doing so and it really is the simplest way to get it all out but i really feel i would make a fool of myself if she is still with him and it would seem as if im obsess with her and that may scare her into ever giving me a chance..and im by no means obsess with her i really like her but i still live my life and do try to find another girl that makes me feel the same way but it just has not happened, and as some of you said even if she leaves him that doesn't guarantee she would want to go out with me and for that im ready..

Best bet i think is just calling her or chatting with her on messenger to at least try to get some inside scoop on how she is and maybe he will pop out in one of the convo's cause i by no means just want to say how is your boyfriend? cause i don't even know the guy she would think i wanna murder him or something since im sure she knows i like her lol..

so what do you guys think sound ok to call her? and if i do should i sound interested in her? even if she may still be with the guy?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I am confused this thread definitely shows you are obsessed with you.

I think calling her and talking to her is probably a safe bet. Granted I find it weird when people randomly call after extended periods of time, but that is me.

 

[man of one]

I am confused this thread definitely shows you are obsessed with you.

obsessed with myself? im not obsessed with myself or with her as i said i really like her but i have given her plenty of space when she said she had a boyfriend i live my life she lives hers i don't bother her at all and don't spend days on end in depression cause of it, im just at a point were im just curious to see if i can make a move that's all if not that's ok, and i don't know if you made a mistake saying im obsessed with myself and you meant to say "her" cause im not some kind of narcissist haha and i don't think i said anything to imply that lol..im just sharing my story to get some advice on the matter..

 

[Lonesome Crow]

K...I do understand a little bit how our mind works. Our brain is design
to resolve problems. If it's not resolved..it'll continue to seek for a salution and it'll obesss about it. In other words your brain is telling
you to take actions other wise it'll just go on spinning in circles

A possiable salution is to simply ask her. whatever the outcome or answer...it will get resolved. Once that salution is resolved,,wheather
she say yes or no...
If it's a yes..then your mind will create another problem so it can resolved...You;ll start wondering where in the hell you can take her
on the first date or how in the hell you're going to bang her or how to
tapp her G spot just right....So you gatto come up with a salution..
others wise you'll think your a fool if you dont tapp her ass right.

Fear is alway going to be there...embrace it. recognize it for what it is.
Then simply just cast it aside and take action.
A fucken spiriatual guru or wsie sage would term it as COURAGE.
Take courage. Courage is not without fears.
Courage means taking the necesary actions inspite of your fears.

If it's a no....it's still going to be resovled. Thne your brain will creat
another problem for it to solve...such as how in the hell are you going
to ask out a different chick.

You can use this process to work for you or against you.

Recognize your fears..face it and embrace it.
FEAR is not your enemy.
Learn how to look at your fears differently
Fear is just another human emotions..thats all it is.
Identify your feelings of fears.
2 types of fears....
one will stop you on your tracks
another one will actaully get you off of your ass

As for me...I'm more afriad of not getting laid than looking like a fool.
So i get off of my ass and go ask for pussy.
Ask and you'll shall recieve. Theres a chick somewhere thats
not afraid for me to tapp her ass.
I'm an ass tapping fool. i don't really give a fresia what others thinks about me.
Lame ass excuses my mind will create to stop me in my tracks...
Fear of what others thinks about me.

Fears will come in different forms..but you can narrow it down to two types.
Take the time top get in touch with your feelings...KNOW THY SELF.

You are not your thoughts and feelings. You have thoughts and feelings.
Learn how to respond to your feelings and simply not react to them.

You thinking your a fool is reacting to your fears.
Fear of looking like a fool. Fear of rejections stopping you in your tracks.

Fear of you burning in hell of you fresia the living honeysuckle out of her.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I have to agree with Lonesome Crow. As someone said to me, slightly modified, trying is no guarantee of success. However, not trying will guarantee failure. Flat out asking her will show confidence and that is what I am told females like. She might look upon you more romantically if you are forward. Regardless of her current martial status.

In the end, what is worse? That is the question.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Flat out asking her will show confidence and that is what I am told females like.

Everyone likes confidence. Assume that you are hiring for a bodyguard and you are looking to pick someone; intuitively, our instincts tell us that all other things being equal, the man who is more confident and appears to be more capable of himself is most likely the more competent and capable. We associate with skills that we cannot quite observe but assume that he must have if he is so confident.

Confidence usually implies that the individual being confident is also competent, which is why confidence is so strongly correlated with being desired.

The fact that women can be insecure and still very wanted is more of an anomaly; it is only because one of the central reasons why men find women attractive is physical and therefore not implied at all or guessed at all, so as long as the observer has a pair of functioning eyes.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Uhh... OK.... Ummm.... My point was that females are sexually attracted to confidence.