How do you meet someone? How do you be with someone?

[theraab]

THe fear of approaching is bad enough.. but on top of it ..what to say? And even whaever i say, and we talk for a bit....how do i ask her out? Is saying "hey wanna go out sometime" to a person u just met really okay? or does it come off as creepy?


I Agree with you blackdot. THere isn't any...actual guidance. People just say "oh you just go out"..well.. where od u go?
"oh you just ask girls out" .. okay what do i say?

What i find is most people who say these things are people who had experienced dating from a young age..getting advice from siblings or family or whatever.

There's no guidance on these things because there are way too many variables to have a "textbook" approach to talking to women. And, most guys don't learn these things other guys - they learn it by trying things out and then learning from their failures (most of what I know I learned from failing).

If you have trouble with talking with coming up with topics of conversation, or are worried about not having anything to say, you need to get some practice talking to people in general so that you are comfortable carrying on a conversation. When you go out in public, look for cues of things to talk about - if you are in a grocery store you can talk about whether Brand X or Y is better; if you are in a bookstore you can talk about a book that someone picks up or ask if that person has read a certain book. You can also look at the person themselves and look for something to comment on "Oh, that's a cool tie-dye shirt; did you make that yourself", etc. Try doing this in your mind every time you go out - ask yourself, "If I were to talk to that person, what would I bring up".

Once you are more comfortable with conversation in general, when you see a woman you might be interested in, smile at her - if she doesn't smile back or gives an awkward smile, move on. If her smile is warm or kind of "embarrassed" looking, use one of those cues you noticed to talk to her.

Be sure to ask her questions to take some of the pressure off of you. Don't overdo it - if you are in a grocery store or on the street, you don't want to have an extended conversation right there; you can just ask "can I take you out for coffee (or whatever) sometime" - if you are in a bookstore you can ask her if you can buy her a cup of coffee (assuming there is a coffee bar). Don't worry about it being creepy - maybe some of the women on the forum can weigh in here, but I don't think there is anything creepy about just plain asking her out.

And BTW - LonesomeCrow is right about the body contact - if she touches your arm or shoulder or something, that is a very good sign.

If you get her number, wait a day or two to call (yeah, it's stupid, but it's the way it is) - call her and say "Hey, it's Wadokai! We met the other day in (wherever)" Have a few topics of conversation ready before you call her - nothing heavy or serious - food and family are always good topics for someone you just met. Also have a couple of anecdotes or funny stories ready in case there is a lull in the conversation. When you call her, have a date and time and what you would like to do ready for a date, so that you can say "Are you busy Saturday night?" "Do you like Italian food, we could go to VillaMaria's" - of course be flexible - if she isn't free at that time or if she hates Italian food, have a backup. Don't leave those kinds of things open ended - don't say "where would you like to go?" - you are the one asking her out, don't put the pressure on her to decide what to do.

When you take her out, again, keep the conversation going - ask her questions, have a few stories ready; listen to what she is saying, and then keep the conversation going based on that. You pay for whatever you guys do - she will likely reach for her wallet, but insist on paying (you asked her to go with you, after all).

I know this is a long post, but there are a lot of things that you just kind of pick up over the years - if you have any other questions, feel free to PM me. I've said this before, it isn't rocket science.

 

[putter65]

The few times I have gone out with women, either on real dates or for 'coffee' as friends, I have never had any problems with what to talk about. The conversation has always been good. I have about a million stupid little stories in my head that I have collected over the years.

 

[blackdot]

I also have no problems talking to women if I go out with one. We can normally talk for hours. Laughing and enjoying ourselves.

Unfortunately a lot of women tell me that that is a turn-off. *laughs*

 

[LonelyInAtl]

The impossible part for me is actually ASKING someone out. I have no problems with conversation, etc.

 

[theraab]

Based on the last 3 posts, I'm stumped. I don't know what to say.

 

[putter65]

I also have no problems talking to women if I go out with one. We can normally talk for hours. Laughing and enjoying ourselves.

Unfortunately a lot of women tell me that that is a turn-off. *laughs*

that's odd.

Change your tactics then. Be rude, boring and aggressive. See where that gets you !

---

The impossible part for me is actually ASKING someone out. I have no problems with conversation, etc.

face to face is tough. I use either a text message or facebook. (And by facebook worked once. She said yes )

 

[blackdot]

Change your tactics then. Be rude, boring and aggressive. See where that gets you !

I've thought about it but then I would be lying since I'm not rude or aggressive. I believe in being truthful.

 

[LonelyInAtl]

face to face is tough. I use either a text message or facebook. (And by facebook worked once. She said yes )

So maybe some women will chime in here. What's your opinion of asking for a FIRST date via some electronic means?

I've always thought it would be a bit cheesy, especially for a first date.

 

[theraab]

Change your tactics then. Be rude, boring and aggressive. See where that gets you !

I've thought about it but then I would be lying since I'm not rude or aggressive. I believe in being truthful.

Maybe you need to be a little more aggressive (not rude) - you need to take charge a little bit. I looked up your picture and you're a good looking guy (you kind of look like Edward Norton) - and if you're able to carry on a conversation and make women laugh, I don't know what the problem is.

I will say that you can overdo it on the humor end of it, you can end up looking like the "funny" guy if it is all humor, and then you have trouble being taken seriously after that.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Change your tactics then. Be rude, boring and aggressive. See where that gets you !

I've thought about it but then I would be lying since I'm not rude or aggressive. I believe in being truthful.

To be completely honest to both you and putter, there's something definitely off-putting about you both. If I was a girl, I would be uncomfortable with you as well.

Its a number of things, and I feel that its a bit presumpteous of me to intepret as if I was a prospective girl, but I'll point out what I feel and its not generally gone wrong for me.

• You seem to have a real lack of ambition, which is reinforced by living with your father. It makes you seem like someone who can't really be independent.
• You sound weird - basically passive-aggressive in its most basic form. You swing wildly from wanting attention and recognition, and then being aggressive and almost hateful for not getting said attention at your terms.
• Because of the above, you feel unsafe. Unpredictable, and not particularly fun.
• In summary, you seem to lack guidance for your own life, cannot provide for anyone else, and act odd. Its not a complement of attractive features.

 

[blackdot]

To be completely honest to both you and putter, there's something definitely off-putting about you both. If I was a girl, I would be uncomfortable with you as well.

Its a number of things, and I feel that its a bit presumpteous of me to intepret as if I was a prospective girl, but I'll point out what I feel and its not generally gone wrong for me.

• You seem to have a real lack of ambition, which is reinforced by living with your father. It makes you seem like someone who can't really be independent.
• You sound weird - basically passive-aggressive in its most basic form. You swing wildly from wanting attention and recognition, and then being aggressive and almost hateful for not getting said attention at your terms.
• Because of the above, you feel unsafe. Unpredictable, and not particularly fun.
• In summary, you seem to lack guidance for your own life, cannot provide for anyone else, and act odd. Its not a complement of attractive features.

Basing what you see here with the real world though doesn't work because it's completely different. People in real life have a habit of calling me outgoing and fun to be around while people on the internet have an opposite reaction, mainly because people on the internet don't know me.
I recently met a bunch of people I talk to on the internet. They were have a get-together and I showed up unannounced. I like to do that that to get reactions on how they perceive me without knowing who I am first. When I would tell people who I was, they were shocked because I was a cool fun person and out going and talkative which they didn't get based on a message board.

In terms of the list, I'm assuming the list was for someone else as I live in my own house.

 

[IgnoredOne]

It was more directly for putter, but I can only go by my feelings as such. Something about you strikes me as odd, as well, but its less easily explicable.

 

[putter65]

Change your tactics then. Be rude, boring and aggressive. See where that gets you !

I've thought about it but then I would be lying since I'm not rude or aggressive. I believe in being truthful.

To be completely honest to both you and putter, there's something definitely off-putting about you both. If I was a girl, I would be uncomfortable with you as well.

Its a number of things, and I feel that its a bit presumpteous of me to intepret as if I was a prospective girl, but I'll point out what I feel and its not generally gone wrong for me.

• You seem to have a real lack of ambition, which is reinforced by living with your father. It makes you seem like someone who can't really be independent.
• You sound weird - basically passive-aggressive in its most basic form. You swing wildly from wanting attention and recognition, and then being aggressive and almost hateful for not getting said attention at your terms.
• Because of the above, you feel unsafe. Unpredictable, and not particularly fun.
• In summary, you seem to lack guidance for your own life, cannot provide for anyone else, and act odd. Its not a complement of attractive features.

i don't like you either. I could list all your faults but I can't be bothered.

 

[lonelyfairy]

You meet people everywhere.

 

[putter65]

Change your tactics then. Be rude, boring and aggressive. See where that gets you !

I've thought about it but then I would be lying since I'm not rude or aggressive. I believe in being truthful.

I know what you mean. You can only be yourself. If that is not good enough then there isn't much you can do.

 

[IgnoredOne]

i don't like you either. I could list all your faults but I can't be bothered.

You miss the point when I'm trying to help. Also, I am perfect.

Dragons always are.

 

[putter65]

It was more directly for putter, but I can only go by my feelings as such. Something about you strikes me as odd, as well, but its less easily explicable.

---

You miss the point. Also, I am perfect.

 

[putter65]

i don't like you either. I could list all your faults but I can't be bothered.

You miss the point when I'm trying to help. Also, I am perfect.

Dragons always are.

trying to help by slagging me off so much ?

It was rather insulting to be honest with you.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I also have no problems talking to women if I go out with one. We can normally talk for hours. Laughing and enjoying ourselves.

Unfortunately a lot of women tell me that that is a turn-off. *laughs*

I don't see how that would be a turn-off at all.

 

[wadokai]

I went to bars, church, support groups, boardwalks, blwoing alleys, coffee shops, thrift shops. phiers, enternet caff...
Fairs, or public events...such as famers market or whatever eventsa that's avaliable in your area,
Check fliers....I dont know where you live..Some cities or towns hold event more than others.

In my experience...Women flirt with me just as much at church as they do in bars.

K...you already know how to chit chat with women...

It's the body contact part and moving to the next level.

Women that are interested in me will start making body contacts with me...
Yeap...as simply as playing footzy, bumping elbows or just kicking my shoes....even if we're aduilts.

Crow... that's just the problem. I don't know how to get them interested in me. I mean everything you said about body contact and touch is great, but the fact is i don't even get there...

I don't know how to get them interested or attracted to me.. to be giving me any cues...

you don't want to have an extended conversation right there; you can just ask "can I take you out for coffee (or whatever) sometime" - if you are in a bookstore you can ask her if you can buy her a cup of coffee (assuming there is a coffee bar). Don't worry about it being creepy - maybe some of the women on the forum can weigh in here, but I don't think there is anything creepy about just plain asking her out.

Okay so... To be honest i don't really have funny stories. Okay well even when i do, i don't know how to tell them. I could tell a story and everyone would miss the punchline. Same story can be told by someone else, but they'd be able to punch the message across and get people laughing.

I don't konw how to tell stories =/

And about the coffee thing .. how do u make it show that you're interested in her and not just being friendly?

Also, how do u get her interested in u?

and during the date or whatever... what are good things to talk about that gets her more interested... and at the same time she knows you're interested in her as well?

If by just a 2 minute convo and asking her out... well all she has to go off is my looks... which i fail at. So it's not worked out..

I want to know how to get her interested so she'll even give me a chance to ask her out and take her out.....



@ Putter & Ignoredone = > Please don't fight. We're all here for similar reasons but doesn't mean we are all the same. Be nice, both of you.


The whole electronic ask out is kinda weird cuz some people say it's not a good idea....


any girls that can chime in? plz do so