How do you stop the doubts creeping in ?

[ardour]

Other women customers call me 'Dave' - I am on holiday this week, they will ask me what I did and where I went. They show an interest. This woman rarely does.

At least some make the effort and ask you things. Aside from a couple of female friends I've known for ages, women generally don't ask me anything - it's always been me doing that, like an interview. Then they might get annoyed if I don't continue to show an interest in their lives, it never occurring to them to reciprocate. (that's not how conversation should work )

 

[Triple Bogey]

Other women customers call me 'Dave' - I am on holiday this week, they will ask me what I did and where I went. They show an interest. This woman rarely does.

At least some make the effort and ask you things. Aside from a couple of female friends I've known for ages, women generally don't ask me anything - it's always been me doing that, like an interview. Then they might get annoyed if I don't continue to show an interest in their lives, it never occurring to them to reciprocate. (that's not how conversation should work )

Do you work in an office ?

I work in a small shop. I have done for 20 years and overall the staff and the customers have always been very friendly. It's a community shop, the customers know the staff and vice versa.

I always found working in offices horrible. The people were miserable and unfriendly.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Just to finish this off regarding the lady customer.
She still comes in but I don't make any special effort talking to her.
This young lass at work is always taking an interest in me, so I mentioned this customer to her a few weeks ago.
Today the young lass served her while I was on the next till. When the lady customer had gone, I told this lass who the customer was.
She agreed with me that this customer wasn't at all interested in me. No talk, chat, interest etc.
She said the workplace wasn't an ideal place to meet anybody and I should get out more.
Sound advice.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Going to start back with this after what happened today.

Last week I talked to her on the Saturday and then I saw her on Tuesday in town. I was on a bus though.

So today she came in early and I served her. She looked like she wanted me to chat, I got that impression. So I did and I mentioned seeing her on Tuesday. She told me what she was doing (going to get a ticket at the train station), we chatted a bit more and then she left.

After she left this female colleague of mine started grinning so I asked what she was smiling at and she said 'you flirting with that woman'

Anyway near the end of my shift, a few minutes from the end she came in again. I was on my way to the canteen and I bumped into her on the shop floor. She smiled and we chatted a bit more. The female colleague from earlier was hovering around and she started grinning again. We walked into the warehouse and she said I should ask her out because 'she smiled at me' and maybe was interested. Another woman colleague over heard us and wanted to know everything. They told me to go and ask her out. I said I was too embarrassed. At first one threatened that she would do it for me. I begged them not to so they just walked onto the shop floor to see what she looked like. They came back and both agreed she was a very nice woman.

We chatted for another few minutes. They said I should ask her out for a drink but not in the shop that wouldn't be right. They said we would look good together. I explained I find it embarrassing asking women out on dates. One said she asked her boyfriend out not the other way round.

They both mean well, I wasn't mad at them. I think one will say something when I am not there.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I never get an opportunity. With a shop full of people, I can't exactly ask somebody out.
It would be impossible. If I bumped into her somewhere and it was just me and her, I could do it easily.
I would be interested to hear what she said. Would she be surprized ?
Would she say 'yes' ?
I always ask her how she is. Today she said 'surviving'
Would I make her day asking her ?
Guess I will never know.

 

[beautiful loser]

Bogey, just grow a pair and ask her. If you don't want to ask her in your workplace, then follow her outside and ask her...what does it matter if you are twenty feet outside your store or twenty miles away?

I swear, the way this is playing out, I think both of you are caught up in this oddball ebb and flow. One weekend you both talk, then next you barely say a word to each other (yes, I'm aware a lot of it is her doing). Maybe she's thinking the same thing..."when is this picture taking, golf playing doofus going to ask me out?" So what if she says "no", you tried and you move on. All of the times I've asked a girl out and was turned down, when I think back I don't give a honeysuckle they said no...at least I tried. The few times it did work out, it was worth all of the rejection. I say go for it.

 

[Triple Bogey]

Bogey, just grow a pair and ask her. If you don't want to ask her in your workplace, then follow her outside and ask her...what does it matter if you are twenty feet outside your store or twenty miles away?

I swear, the way this is playing out, I think both of you are caught up in this oddball ebb and flow. One weekend you both talk, then next you barely say a word to each other (yes, I'm aware a lot of it is her doing). Maybe she's thinking the same thing..."when is this picture taking, golf playing doofus going to ask me out?" So what if she says "no", you tried and you move on. All of the times I've asked a girl out and was turned down, when I think back I don't give a honeysuckle they said no...at least I tried. The few times it did work out, it was worth all of the rejection. I say go for it.

You are right, it is frustrating.
Trouble is she comes in on the busiest day - a Saturday. I can't exactly leave my post and follow her outside the shop. Customers need serving. The only chance is if I bump into her when I am leaving. Missed her by 15 minutes yesterday.

I looked at her yesterday and she did look back and smile. Sometimes she doesn't, she is one of those who looks at the ground all the time. She is either shy or not bothered. I can't decide which is right.

I wouldn't mind a rejection. It wouldn't be that embarrassing.

I need that opportunity.

 

[ardour]

Bogey, just grow a pair and ask her. If you don't want to ask her in your workplace, then follow her outside and ask her...what does it matter if you are twenty feet outside your store or twenty miles away?

I swear, the way this is playing out, I think both of you are caught up in this oddball ebb and flow. One weekend you both talk, then next you barely say a word to each other (yes, I'm aware a lot of it is her doing). Maybe she's thinking the same thing..."when is this picture taking, golf playing doofus going to ask me out?" So what if she says "no", you tried and you move on. All of the times I've asked a girl out and was turned down, when I think back I don't give a honeysuckle they said no...at least I tried. The few times it did work out, it was worth all of the rejection. I say go for it.

don't want to discourage him, but she's a co-worker, that makes it complicated. It's difficult to move on and get over the embarrassment if you're still going to see that person on a regular basis. Hesitancy is understandable in this situation.

 

[beautiful loser]

She's not a co-worker, she's a customer.

 

[ardour]

She's not a co-worker, she's a customer.

doh...

 

[Triple Bogey]

She's not a co-worker, she's a customer.

doh...

yes a customer who only shops once a week on a Saturday.
I am not crazy about her, nothing like that. She looks interesting though and 'my type' if that makes any sense.

 

[stork_error]

I would approach her before your co-workers intervene, and trust me they will eventually do so because they will think they are doing it in your best interest. I've had it done to me before and the guy did a 360. He went from giving me Googly eyed love stares, to running like the wind. I figure he must have concluded that I was immature and insecure, and it turned him off? Either that or he had a girlfriend. Regardless, I learned my lesson about telling people when I'm interested in someone.

 

[Triple Bogey]

I would approach her before your co-workers intervene, and trust me they will eventually do so because they will think they are doing it in your best interest. I've had it done to me before and the guy did a 360. He went from giving me Googly eyed love stares, to running like the wind. I figure he must have concluded that I was immature and insecure, and it turned him off? Either that or he had a girlfriend. Regardless, I learned my lesson about telling people when I'm interested in someone.

It's all about having the opportunity.
If there was a woman stood in front of me, talking to me and she wasn't married or engaged or too young or old then I would ask her for a coffee. It never happens though. The only women I talk to are at work. Asking a colleague is dangerous and customers is tricky. I don't get the chance.

It's frustrating but not the end of the world.

 

[Triple Bogey]

She came in today which is less busy than her normal Saturday.
We chatted and she said something that was interesting. She told me she went to football and had 'meant to tell me'
We talked more and I wished her a Merry Christmas.

It's all about circumstances and opportunities.
It's hard to ask personal questions to a customer.
It's also hard to go from customer / worker into something else, something more.
If I had an opportunity, I would ask her out. It would be easy.
If I bumped into her somewhere but I haven't yet.
I am intrigued by what she would say.

 

[Triple Bogey]

We talk most times she comes in. Wished each other a Merry Christmas etc
Today she said a little bit of information, said she spent the New Year with her Mam and nobody else.
I think she's single. I also think she is bit shy and lonely.
Two single, lonely people yet nothing is happening.

I thought today it would be very unprofessional of me to ask her out while I was working.
It's a simple 'don't do it' - so I've had it unless I bump into her outside of work.

 

[Triple Bogey]

She seems a very pessimistic person. She admitted it to me this morning.
She may have issues. I wonder how she would react it I asked her out ?
I think it would freak her out !

 

[SofiasMami]

She seems a very pessimistic person. She admitted it to me this morning.
She may have issues. I wonder how she would react it I asked her out ?

No way to know unless you try! Nothing ventured, nothing gained - ask her out with a smile and see what she says!

-Teresa

 

[Batman55]

No way to know unless you try! Nothing ventured, nothing gained - ask her out with a smile and see what she says!

-Teresa

I agree. At this point, you can safely say you know this person. It's not like you're going out in the street and asking random women for a date. Take a chance, for once! What's the worst that could happen?

 

[Triple Bogey]

No way to know unless you try! Nothing ventured, nothing gained - ask her out with a smile and see what she says!

-Teresa

I agree. At this point, you can safely say you know this person. It's not like you're going out in the street and asking random women for a date. Take a chance, for once! What's the worst that could happen?

Yes you are both right. I feel as though I am making progress.
Hopefully soon I will get a chance.

I think the worst thing that could happen is I ask her out, she says 'no' and then stops coming in the shop.

 

[Triple Bogey]

What a fiasco !