how to ask a girl out?

[Misanthrope23]

okay so there's this girl...that became part of my class today (she missed the first class last week), and immediately i was interested in her. firstly because she was Asian lol (but really throughout my whole life i RARELY had Asians in my class i don't know why, and i like Asian culture) but anyway she seemed pretty cute, kinda shy but not entirely. i saw that she was wearing a necklace with a cross, so she might be religious, which may be a good thing (even though i'm a Muslim and she's probably a Christian, we are still allowed to be together). i have this intuition whenever i see people, like i know that they are deep down nice people versus mean/arrogant people. and she seems like a nice person. it's like a radar and she was at a high level (sounds so corny, but that's the best i can describe it haah), and it wasn't just because of looks. i feel like i'm very open when it comes to women, and feel that there isn't a specific "look" that i like. some might say that she's not as pretty, but i disagree. but really what it comes down to for me is personality, and interests, but anyway..

i'm too afraid to approach her! even at the end of class when everyone was discussing projects and conversing with each other, i was too shy to go up to her and greet her. when one of my partners asked what my name was, she heard it (the Asian girl) and smiled, but maybe that was a coincidence. this always happens to me. i finally get an opportunity to meet a potential person i'm interested in but i'm too shy to meet and become close to them. you don't know how many times i've regretted this. i just feel like they'll judge me harshly for who am i, or that i'll make a fool of myself. i have such low self-esteem. it's terrible.

how do you ask a girl out? i mean i know your not supposed to go up to them and immediately be like "hey i like you! wanna go on a date?" the words "i like you" (or to get REALLY courageous "i love you) are three of the hardest words for me to say. what should i say? going for coffee is too cliche for me, and i'm broke anyway, so what other options are there? i would like to know some of the steps into eventually asking someone out because i really suck at this some help would really be appreciated.

 

[perfanoff]

Do you have group exercises? If not you can just go up to her after class with a smile and ask her "Hey, I'm _____ how do you like the course? What project are you doing? What is your major?" You can even bullshit like "I think I saw you in ____ department, was that you?"

You can't just ask her out on a date without knowing her. I'd suggest you two will at least get comfortable talking to each other before stuff like that.

 

[duff]

a few weeks of chatting (to see if you really like her !) then get her mobile number or add her on facebook. Then either ask her to her face after class or send message on facebook / text. Don't get too heavy, make it casual. Don't get upset if she says 'no' or too excited is she says 'yes'

 

[perfanoff]

get her to have lunch with you in the cafeteria

 

[duff]

get her to have lunch with you in the cafeteria

yes coffee is a good idea !

 

[Misanthrope23]

Do you have group exercises? If not you can just go up to her after class with a smile and ask her "Hey, I'm _____ how do you like the course? What project are you doing? What is your major?" You can even bullshit like "I think I saw you in ____ department, was that you?"

You can't just ask her out on a date without knowing her. I'd suggest you two will at least get comfortable talking to each other before stuff like that.

yeah i think that's a good idea. we don't have group exercises but i can talk to her after class. the only problem is that it's an evening class that ends at 9-9:30, so i feel like i don't want to prolong her wait to go home. but she seems like a nice person to chat with. ugh my problem is i think too much of the negative aspects and then my imagination exaggerates them. it's hard for me to think positive. also lack of experience in these situations doesn't help =( but thanks for the input.

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a few weeks of chatting (to see if you really like her !) then get her mobile number or add her on facebook. Then either ask her to her face after class or send message on facebook / text. Don't get too heavy, make it casual. Don't get upset if she says 'no' or too excited is she says 'yes'

i don't have a facebook (i used to but deleted my account because "friends" on it were being complete ********), but i have no problem with texting. it may sound silly but one of my biggest fears is talking to people on the phone. so talking to someone i potentially might like is a near death experience :X and i would jump for joy and do backflips if she would say 'yes' even though you said to not be too excited XD

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get her to have lunch with you in the cafeteria

yes coffee is a good idea !

i don't drink coffee but asking her if she wants to go to the cafe (we have one on campus) is a good idea. i just need to buy something really cheap because i don't have a lot of money :|

 

[ladyforsaken]

You could try the suggestions by the other members here. All I can generally suggest is try to be friends with her first. You can't jump into something more without knowing the person first. So be friends, take it slow, and get to know each other first. It doesn't have to be expensive, the things you do - sometimes small or simple inexpensive gestures can mean a lot to some.

Good luck, Misanthrope.

 

[duff]

Do you have group exercises? If not you can just go up to her after class with a smile and ask her "Hey, I'm _____ how do you like the course? What project are you doing? What is your major?" You can even bullshit like "I think I saw you in ____ department, was that you?"

You can't just ask her out on a date without knowing her. I'd suggest you two will at least get comfortable talking to each other before stuff like that.

yeah i think that's a good idea. we don't have group exercises but i can talk to her after class. the only problem is that it's an evening class that ends at 9-9:30, so i feel like i don't want to prolong her wait to go home. but she seems like a nice person to chat with. ugh my problem is i think too much of the negative aspects and then my imagination exaggerates them. it's hard for me to think positive. also lack of experience in these situations doesn't help =( but thanks for the input.

---

a few weeks of chatting (to see if you really like her !) then get her mobile number or add her on facebook. Then either ask her to her face after class or send message on facebook / text. Don't get too heavy, make it casual. Don't get upset if she says 'no' or too excited is she says 'yes'

i don't have a facebook (i used to but deleted my account because "friends" on it were being complete ********), but i have no problem with texting. it may sound silly but one of my biggest fears is talking to people on the phone. so talking to someone i potentially might like is a near death experience :X and i would jump for joy and do backflips if she would say 'yes' even though you said to not be too excited XD

---

get her to have lunch with you in the cafeteria

yes coffee is a good idea !

i don't drink coffee but asking her if she wants to go to the cafe (we have one on campus) is a good idea. i just need to buy something really cheap because i don't have a lot of money :|

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if your really into her then you have to do something. Make it quick or it becomes harder and you will start to feel miserable because your not making any progress. If you don't drink coffee, drink tea then. Just ask her and she how she reacts.

 

[bodafuko]

Lol @ "Asian Culture". What is that? The Asian continent is like half the inhabitable landmass of Earth. Russia is in Asia, as is Uzbekistan.

 

[Misanthrope23]

Lol @ "Asian Culture". What is that? The Asian continent is like half the inhabitable landmass of Earth. Russia is in Asia, as is Uzbekistan.

well i guess being more specific southeast asia. anyone from china, japan, korea, mongolia, nepal, bhutan, burma, thailiand, laos, vietnam, cambodia, malaysia, singapore, indonesia, brunei, or the philippines (taiwan, hong kong, and macau are officially part of china). i also include micronesia, polynesia, melanesia (not new zealand since most of the population has european heritage), and territories such as guam. does that help?

 

[Okonkwo]

The concept of "asking someone out" has become obsolete in modern society. Asking a girl out will probably just make you seem boring and weak. Just sit with her at lunch sometime (do NOT ask permission) and start talking to her. You'll be able to tell if she's interested or not.

 

[bodafuko]

Lol @ "Asian Culture". What is that? The Asian continent is like half the inhabitable landmass of Earth. Russia is in Asia, as is Uzbekistan.

well i guess being more specific southeast asia. anyone from china, japan, korea, mongolia, nepal, bhutan, burma, thailiand, laos, vietnam, cambodia, malaysia, singapore, indonesia, brunei, or the philippines (taiwan, hong kong, and macau are officially part of china). i also include micronesia, polynesia, melanesia (not new zealand since most of the population has european heritage), and territories such as guam. does that help?

That's about twenty different cultures.

 

[Misanthrope23]

The concept of "asking someone out" has become obsolete in modern society. Asking a girl out will probably just make you seem boring and weak. Just sit with her at lunch sometime (do NOT ask permission) and start talking to her. You'll be able to tell if she's interested or not.

hmm but doesn't someone have to eventually say (after having a conversation) "hey want to go out with me?" or "i really like you?"

---

Lol @ "Asian Culture". What is that? The Asian continent is like half the inhabitable landmass of Earth. Russia is in Asia, as is Uzbekistan.

well i guess being more specific southeast asia. anyone from china, japan, korea, mongolia, nepal, bhutan, burma, thailiand, laos, vietnam, cambodia, malaysia, singapore, indonesia, brunei, or the philippines (taiwan, hong kong, and macau are officially part of china). i also include micronesia, polynesia, melanesia (not new zealand since most of the population has european heritage), and territories such as guam. does that help?

That's about twenty different cultures.

lol i know! it's my top 20 fav!!

 

[Misanthrope23]

UPDATE on my situation:

so i ended up being a little late (**** traffic) so i didn't get the opportunity of sitting next to her in class. also by the end of class, not only was i upset that i missed my chance, i couldn't understand at all what my professor was talking about. so when it was over i immediately left and drove in a fit of anger. i also made it appear that i was ignoring my partners for our project, because i didn't go over what we had to do after class. i hate my life

 

[ladyforsaken]

honeysuckle happens. Dude, try again!

 

[duff]

UPDATE on my situation:

so i ended up being a little late (**** traffic) so i didn't get the opportunity of sitting next to her in class. also by the end of class, not only was i upset that i missed my chance, i couldn't understand at all what my professor was talking about. so when it was over i immediately left and drove in a fit of anger. i also made it appear that i was ignoring my partners for our project, because i didn't go over what we had to do after class. i hate my life

it's hard to plan things because everything seems to go wrong. Don't be down hearted, plenty more opportunites !

 

[aspalas]

I know this might be hard but you have to at least find the courage to talk to her. It doesn't matter where you sit, just start a conversation at the beginning or end of the class. Saying you look forward to class for whatever reason (or you're not looking forward to it, if it's a really dull class and you could say you haven't had much sleep for instance) should do the trick. Some time ago (2 years) I've liked a girl at my school too, she was shy and absolutely gorgeous, and I didn't have the courage to just talk to her, and now I think about that it's a shame.

I until recently (about 1,5 years ago) I had absolutely zero confidence in myself. I thought I looked bad, I thought I was uninteresting, I thought I wasn't funny. I wasn't very populair either. I've really worked on this. I still am not extremely confident, but I just act like I am. I've worked as a fundraiser (convincing people to make donations to charity organisations in shopping malls etc.) and this has really transformed me. I learned to talk to anybody, whether it is someone who looks intimidating, a hot girl, or whoever it is. I was actually very good at it. I learned to flirt, I learned to read body language, how to improve my own, I learned how to manipulate people and how to steer a conversation.

The key to all of this is to believe in yourself. If you look like you are confident, if you look like you're not taking "no" for an answer, you'll do fine. Oh, and btw, how you look has nothing to do with this. It's not like just people who look good believe in themselves. I'm going off topic here so let's go back to your problem.

You don't have the courage to talk to this girl. As I said, before class or after class, make sure you're around her. If the prof/teacher isn't there yet before class, you have the perfect opportunity to talk to her. As I said, just say you either are or are not looking forward to the class, give a funny reason or something. Then you could say something like "we haven't met yet have we?". Then introduce yourself (providing you haven't introduced yourself before). If you don't have the opportunity to talk to her before class, you could do it when you're done. Make sure you walk close to her and just say something like "that was fun" or "that was boring", depending on if it was fun or boring. Ask her what she thinks. Don't be shy, she won't bite and I've never met a single person who just ignores someone who is just asks a question. I'm actually pretty sure that everyone likes to have a chat with someone they don't know.

After you've introduced yourself the best thing to do is just ask some questions, like Perfanoff said. Show interest, and she'll be interested in you too. I wouldn't recommend having a very long conversation, just tell her it was nice speaking to her but you have to go after a couple of minutes. Tell her you'll se her around. After this the door is open to greet her when you see eachother, and talk to her if you have time, plus, you've made a good impression.

Hope this helps.

 

[Alonewith2cats]

Don't say "I really like you. Wanna go out sometime?" That puts pressure on the girl to like you back and mutual affection does not need to be communicated in words, if it's there the relationship will unfold and blossom naturally.

Just start talking to her and get to know her as a person, then when you're comfortable you need to come up with an activity to ask her out, something that you can afford. Why not ask her to coffee and you order an alternate drink? Or a sandwich, ice cream cone, or for a walk, whatever, do you have a nice park in your area or are you near the beach?

 

[Misanthrope23]

UPDATE

so i finally got a chance to talk with the Asian girl. i found out she's from Korea. (is it okay to say her name, or is it a privacy issue?) she's so cute :3 i didn't get to say much, like just "hello, what do you think of the class?" this was before class started, but the substitute professor interupted me and she wanted to go over some questions with him. i didn't ask her to hang out becuase i felt i didn't get fully acquanted with her, but i did ask if she would like to study with me. she says that shes not that good at this class, but i complimented that she took good notes (which she does). so she said she send me her notes through email. i wanted her number but i guess her email is good enough. only problem is that she gave me her college email and there's a lot of info that gets sent to students. so i feel like my message(s) would get lost. also not sure if i can start a conversation while using that email address becuase i'm not sure if she'll respond back. but i'm glad i got the courage to ask at least. i really hope she doesn't have a boyfriend. also our midterm is next week and our accounting class is really tough, and i don't want to fail

 

[Veruca]

Hey misanthrope, good on you for taking the plunge and talking to her. Dont get too analytical about the situation; thats stress you dont need. Instead try to focus on other ways in which you can get to know her and vice versa. Maybe next time you can ask her for notes because you missed something. Or pretend like you have a korean friend and ask her to teach you a few words or if she can suggest a good korean restaurant.

And then when you get to talking maybe you can pay her compliments, girls love that. But keep it safe like saying her dress or shoes are nice. Its better to compliment on facial features later in case she finds it too intimate.

Good luck, im rootin for ya!