ChessGuy42
Well-known member
I could use some advice...
I basically only have two friends in the area, both women, and they're roommates. We'll call them A and B. B is a friend, but we're not super close. A and I, however, are super close... but, there's a problem. I'm basically head over heels for A.
This isn't just a crush(we've been friends for about 3 years), and it's not completely out of left field either. We have a ton in common, there's chemistry, and we've messed around before (about a year ago). It's no big secret that I'm interested in her. People constantly assume that we're dating or ask if we are, including mutual acquaintances that have known us both for quite a while.... which, I think, should say something. Additionally, this isn't a case of putting someone on a pedestal. There are times when she really gets on my nerves, pisses me off, and we argue.. but it doesn't happen often, and it's not really that big of a deal. Not having moments like these would be worse... arguments are healthy, every now and then.
The problem is that I really don't want to have these feelings, but I'm not sure what to do about them. I'm not sure that A doesn't have feelings for me as well, but I do know that nothing's going to come from them even if she does. She's been having a rough time of things lately. One of her ex boyfriends tried to kill himself a while ago, her former best friend essentially dumped her, and both of her parents died in April... and this is just what's up at the top of the list. She looks to me to be a stabilizing force, I think. Something constant, that will be there... and regardless of any feelings she might or might have, she's not going to take a chance on risking that consistency by moving things up to a romantic relationship.
Now, here's the punch line... I don't have a problem with that. Yes, I would have liked a relationship with her... but, honestly, I don't mind being just a friend... sort of. I'm okay with the concept of it, but I can't seem to put her in the friend zone. Every so often, I find myself thinking things like, 'Wow.. this girl's amazing and I really want to kiss her', I find myself getting jealous of other guys, etc. I haven't put my own romantic life on hold - I've tried dating other people, but I can't find anyone that I click with and I'm not the sort of person that goes and sleeps around.
There's time sensitive component to this situation as well. B is from out of state, and wants to move back to where she's from.. and A wants move with her. And, the pair of them want me to come with them as well. To be honest, I've been thinking about going back to finish my Ph.D. and there are some good schools around where they want to move. So, it wouldn't be terrible for me professionally... but I think it would be a really bad decision for me to go with things as they are right now, even though I'm going to miss the both of them like hell once they leave and I'm basically going to have no friends as well.
So, I'm not sure what to do about this situation. I want to think of her as just a friend, but I don't know how to do that... and I've really been putting off the conversation about how I can't go with her once they move.
Any thoughts?
I basically only have two friends in the area, both women, and they're roommates. We'll call them A and B. B is a friend, but we're not super close. A and I, however, are super close... but, there's a problem. I'm basically head over heels for A.
This isn't just a crush(we've been friends for about 3 years), and it's not completely out of left field either. We have a ton in common, there's chemistry, and we've messed around before (about a year ago). It's no big secret that I'm interested in her. People constantly assume that we're dating or ask if we are, including mutual acquaintances that have known us both for quite a while.... which, I think, should say something. Additionally, this isn't a case of putting someone on a pedestal. There are times when she really gets on my nerves, pisses me off, and we argue.. but it doesn't happen often, and it's not really that big of a deal. Not having moments like these would be worse... arguments are healthy, every now and then.
The problem is that I really don't want to have these feelings, but I'm not sure what to do about them. I'm not sure that A doesn't have feelings for me as well, but I do know that nothing's going to come from them even if she does. She's been having a rough time of things lately. One of her ex boyfriends tried to kill himself a while ago, her former best friend essentially dumped her, and both of her parents died in April... and this is just what's up at the top of the list. She looks to me to be a stabilizing force, I think. Something constant, that will be there... and regardless of any feelings she might or might have, she's not going to take a chance on risking that consistency by moving things up to a romantic relationship.
Now, here's the punch line... I don't have a problem with that. Yes, I would have liked a relationship with her... but, honestly, I don't mind being just a friend... sort of. I'm okay with the concept of it, but I can't seem to put her in the friend zone. Every so often, I find myself thinking things like, 'Wow.. this girl's amazing and I really want to kiss her', I find myself getting jealous of other guys, etc. I haven't put my own romantic life on hold - I've tried dating other people, but I can't find anyone that I click with and I'm not the sort of person that goes and sleeps around.
There's time sensitive component to this situation as well. B is from out of state, and wants to move back to where she's from.. and A wants move with her. And, the pair of them want me to come with them as well. To be honest, I've been thinking about going back to finish my Ph.D. and there are some good schools around where they want to move. So, it wouldn't be terrible for me professionally... but I think it would be a really bad decision for me to go with things as they are right now, even though I'm going to miss the both of them like hell once they leave and I'm basically going to have no friends as well.
So, I'm not sure what to do about this situation. I want to think of her as just a friend, but I don't know how to do that... and I've really been putting off the conversation about how I can't go with her once they move.
Any thoughts?
