I come from a sexist family. My father forced me to do whatever he wants which has changed my profession and personal life forever. There's one time, he literally tried to kill me, stepping on my chest with his full strength telling me that he could give me a life, he can also end it. I didn't fight back, I wanted him to kill me, sometimes I wonder why he didn't just kill me when he found that I'm not a boy when I was born. It was my mom found out and stopped him. After that, I have depression problem, it's like the tides, sometimes I feel those sorrows have gone away, sometimes the wave just hits me so hard that I couldn't stand up anymore. I'm in no power to control it. Even though I'm very far away from my parents now, different time zone, depression still haunts me. I went to the psychiatrist and had treatment for quite some time, I asked my psychiatrist how do those people suffered from this kind of life threatening violence recover from depression and start a normal life. He looked at me and said nothing. I feel devastated. I still need medications to keep my regular hours. Everytime when I think that I could never be normal again I feel more depressed.
Right now I tend to date much older men, I want father's love I admit, I'm always too attached, I always I have a feelings like I'm a trash, I'm nothing, no one would appreciate me, I don't know if anyone has ever conquered this kind of situation, please shed some light
Right now I tend to date much older men, I want father's love I admit, I'm always too attached, I always I have a feelings like I'm a trash, I'm nothing, no one would appreciate me, I don't know if anyone has ever conquered this kind of situation, please shed some light