How to deal with a difficult child?

[haiwutzup]

*No*

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

What the...?

Oh, by the way, things are getting settled. And I really appreciate all the advice given in this thread.

 

[Limlim]

If the kid is acting up in your house, you have every right to criticize the little honeysuckle. Your house, your rules. If your sister doesn't like it... She knows where the door is.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

The little honeysuckle...you make me laugh, Limlim!

 

[Murmur]

If the kid is acting up in your house, you have every right to criticize the little honeysuckle. Your house, your rules. If your sister doesn't like it... She knows where the door is.

Amen to that! You could also STOP having them come over, and visit their house instead... that way, if the kid behaves like a raving maniac, you can go home in peace.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

That is the plan for a while, Murmur. I plan to visit their house instead.

 

[Zetsubou-Sensei]

Well, it's good to hear that things are settling down a little.
As for my opinion, I think that apart from setting rules at your house, or in a broader extended family sort of setting, there isn't that much you can do unless your sister wants you to. Ultimately, she has the final say, after all.

I have to say, it sounds like a really tense situation.

 

[Tear of the Goddess]

You most likely read my story about my sister in the other thread, and has ADHD and bipolar to. Only she was 14 when it really started to be an issue(also at younger age but it was controllable). We tried ALOT of things professional help, parenting class everything, kicking her out of the house for 6 months. but she was unstoppable, the only thing that really worked in the end was not provoking her and just let her do her thing (not to much ofcourse) and sadly she kinda controlled the house. Meds helped and luckily she was aware of her problem when she was about 16, and by now she is learning to control herself and getting older(18) and more mature which also helps. I just dont hope its as bad as my sister, i dont like to say it but shes literally ''sick'' in her head. And you just cannot discipline such a kid, it has to discipline itself and needs to get aware of the problem. Meds can help but not always.

The only big difference is the age, i guess it is easier to control and somewhat discipline a 6yo better then a 14-18yo. Good luck!

If you missed the story it's here:
http://www.alonelylife.com/thread-i-just-watched-this?page=2

 

[DesertWolf]

Although I'm clueless when it comes to children, it sounds to me like the kid has some serious mental health issues. You mention ADHD and bipolar, but also voices in his head, which sounds like schizophrenia. The lack of empathy and respect for others may also be due to an anti-social personality disorder. I think your best bet would be to seek out a good psychiatrist for him; Without treating these medical conditions first you'll probably get nowhere.

 

[The Good Citizen]

I had similar experiences with my step son for several years and his condition was similar to how you describe he has adhd and his natural father is bi-polar and absent from his life (another big issue for him). He could be the most giving loving child one minute and an absolute ball of rage and destruction the next, I mean tv's flying across the room, at 10 he threw himself out of the upstairs window in a fit of rage. I do understand how stressful it is to live with. He is 13 and is thankfully far more settled but still prone to the odd bout but understands why it happens and I think naturally he has learnt to control it.

Firstly I think its important to distinguish between a child lacking discipline and a child who has a diagnosed mental health condition. Also the childs age is a factor, he is only six and probably has so much confusion flying around his head due to his conditions, there is no way he can be expected to understand why he acts the way he does without a lot of nuturing and guidance.

He has a problem and he needs help, so as the adults you owe it to the child to get the best advice possible so that you can manage his disorder. It wont go away just through setting boundaries and discipline and normal parenting advice, I think the first step would be to understand how to make him aware that there are aspects of his temperment that he needs help with and managed and discuss the best way for him to do that as he gets older and more aware. Hopefully this will get easier for you but I'm sure it will be a rough ride.

Ultimately you have been dealt a shitty hand, the child through no fault of his own will require a lot of emotional support and guidance to help him come to terms with his condition. Temper and destructiveness is a symptom of his condition and its a shame to hear people say just discipline the little honeysuckle. You get out of kids what you put in, unfortunately for you and your sister it seems that will require a lot more effort than most but it can be done.

My advice to you is talk to your sister and let her know you want to be there for her and the child and dont let the tension and stress force you apart thats is pretty much critical. You're not just an uncle, you are someone offering help because you care. Hang in there together and do get professional help as without it life will be that much harder. But lastly yeah lock up the valuables when he comes around for sure!

 

[DesertWolf]

Firstly I think its important to distinguish between a child lacking discipline and a child who has a diagnosed mental health condition. Also the childs age is a factor, he is only six and probably has so much confusion flying around his head due to his conditions, there is no way he can be expected to understand why he acts the way he does without a lot of nuturing and guidance.

Ultimately you have been dealt a shitty hand, the child through no fault of his own will require a lot of emotional support and guidance to help him come to terms with his condition. Temper and destructiveness is a symptom of his condition and its a shame to hear people say just discipline the little honeysuckle.

Fully agreed.

I've come across two different people before who have described their kid as lazy, spoiled and useless, and kicked them out of their house in an effort to help them with "tough love", but in both cases I think their kids were in fact suffering from low self-esteem and depression, and their parents failed to recognize and understand the condition, further adding to their existing fears of being unwanted.

 

[Tear of the Goddess]

Firstly I think its important to distinguish between a child lacking discipline and a child who has a diagnosed mental health condition. Also the childs age is a factor, he is only six and probably has so much confusion flying around his head due to his conditions, there is no way he can be expected to understand why he acts the way he does without a lot of nuturing and guidance.

Ultimately you have been dealt a shitty hand, the child through no fault of his own will require a lot of emotional support and guidance to help him come to terms with his condition. Temper and destructiveness is a symptom of his condition and its a shame to hear people say just discipline the little honeysuckle.

Fully agreed.

I've come across two different people before who have described their kid as lazy, spoiled and useless, and kicked them out of their house in an effort to help them with "tough love", but in both cases I think their kids were in fact suffering from low self-esteem and depression, and their parents failed to recognize and understand the condition, further adding to their existing fears of being unwanted.

^
seconded

 

[sometimes awkward]

I hope I don't throw my anonymity out the window by posting this, but I am at the end of my rope.

My sis has 5 children. 2 boys, 3 girls. One of the boys is a 6 year old "problem child." He has been diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar, along with a possible third mood disorder. He's heard voices. He also just got suspended from his school, with a possible expulsion (this is depending on my sis's meeting with the school board on Friday), for kicking the principal and throwing something at one of the teachers.

Whenever he comes over here, it's like a train wreck. He grabs personal items that don't belong to him, and says, "Can I have this?" My sis just gives in, because she doesn't know how to set boundaries...and she's gotten upset at me for trying to set them. Hell, I'm not a parent; I haven't a clue on how to deal with kids generally, other than by acting and imitating others. But I have been trying to set a good example and try to get this kid straightened out...however, I feel like I'm ripping my hair out at the same time, because it is so frustrating.

He also has learned how to be manipulative, and is constantly trying to play me, my mom, and my sis off each other...when all three of us are trying to be adult parent figures.

Anyway, I am rambling...but does anybody have a clue on how to properly deal with a difficult kid without losing it?

I would definitely get him to a psychatrist/ therapist. Hearing voices is a symptom of schizophrenia. Your post reads like a text book example, of course he is only 6. Is he lying and showing lack of empathy to others? If he is keep him away from animals.

 

[cumulus.james]

I hope I don't throw my anonymity out the window by posting this, but I am at the end of my rope.

My sis has 5 children. 2 boys, 3 girls. One of the boys is a 6 year old "problem child." He has been diagnosed with ADHD and Bipolar, along with a possible third mood disorder. He's heard voices. He also just got suspended from his school, with a possible expulsion (this is depending on my sis's meeting with the school board on Friday), for kicking the principal and throwing something at one of the teachers.

Whenever he comes over here, it's like a train wreck. He grabs personal items that don't belong to him, and says, "Can I have this?" My sis just gives in, because she doesn't know how to set boundaries...and she's gotten upset at me for trying to set them. Hell, I'm not a parent; I haven't a clue on how to deal with kids generally, other than by acting and imitating others. But I have been trying to set a good example and try to get this kid straightened out...however, I feel like I'm ripping my hair out at the same time, because it is so frustrating.

He also has learned how to be manipulative, and is constantly trying to play me, my mom, and my sis off each other...when all three of us are trying to be adult parent figures.

Anyway, I am rambling...but does anybody have a clue on how to properly deal with a difficult kid without losing it?

Oh god don't let the boy be 6 and already with the lables. It's not his fault- you must understand that above anything else. If he does bad things he doesent mean to, and you as adults have the responsibility to help him.

You MUST watch this film about a bipolar kid, it will break your heart, but also might give you some ideas how you can help the poor little sod:



I was that boy, I did so many bad things and I did not mean to do them and when the adults reacted badly I just did not understand. And it was like rejection and punsishment and I just felt so lonley and hated. He does not understand what is happening to him. It is your job to get all possible help and advice and understanding of what he is going through and to help him.

Littel 6 year old boy and labled ADHD bipolar. Only in america for f*** sake.