How to get over your ex, any advice?

[Annik92]

So I'm having a little trouble getting over my ex, it's been a while since I broke up with him.
I was thinking about him a lot and I hated the feeling that he had moved on, so when I was at a party with him, probably half a year after we broke up, I ended up sleeping with him. After this it felt likt I was over him, that the sex was what I needed to forget him, and it was, for a couple of months, but then i started thinking more and more about him, it's not that I go around in pain thinking about him but it's affecting my relationships with new guys, I find myself comparing them to him and even if I knew that they are better for me because they are so much nicer then him (he is your stereotype jackass) I just always decide that they are not good enough, even though in my head I know they are, I just doesn't feel it and I hate that

So any advice on how to forget your ex?

 

[The Good Citizen]

How long were you together? If it was a while, it may take time to get to that sort of feeling with somone else, they wont match up to your ex for a while.

Strangely, I find the hardest relationships to get over are the ones where I think I was treated badly, I always seem to think they were the special ones. In all honesty I think it was hurt pride, you know, how could she treat me like that or walk away from me? I feel I need to go back to set the record straight somehow. It just beats me up more though. So I am going through something similar myself at the moment, my answer is to stay in and sort my head out, seeing her out hurts and I know its just my self esteem thats taken a hit. So i'm just staying in where she can't get in my head and sorting some other things out in my life until I come up smiling again in a few months.

Sorry to talk about myself, its just to explain how I'm dealing with similar feeleings.

 

[Annik92]

How long where you togther? If it was a while, it may take time to get to that sort of feeling with somone else, they wont match up to your ex for a while.

Strangely, I find the hardest relationships to get over are the ones where I think I was treated badly, I always seem to think they were the special ones. In all honesty I think it was hurt pride, you know, how could she treat me like that or walk away from me? I feel I need to go back to set the record straight somehow. It just beats me up more though. So I am going through something similar myself at the moment, my answer is to stay in and sort my head out, seeing her out hurts and I know its just my self esteem thats taken a hit. So i'm just staying in where she can't get in my head and sorting some other things out in my life until I come up smiling again in a few months.

Sorry to talk about myself, its just to explain how I'm dealing with similar feeleings.

Thank you, that helped, I couldn't quite understand why I didn't get over it when he is a jackass, but what you say makes sense, it may be hurt pride, me wanting to set the record straight, thinking I could do better next time around..

We have the same circle of "party friends" so we tend to be at some of the same parties and if I ever seem to be hooking up with anyone he makes me feel bad about myself saying stuff like "you've changed" and "I didn't think you were like this" in a degrading manor.

I think I kind of hate him, but still want to be with him, argh! this is confussing!

 

[Okiedokes]

Even if someones treats us like crap..we can still love them with all of our hearts because of good ole times or because that's whats in us. I think your confusion is because of that alone. But realizing that he's not really that great of a boyfriend for you is the first step and it sounds like you've gotten there. You can have feelings and eventually they will fade..just don't act on them.

 

[The Good Citizen]

Sounds a bit like pride eating away as I think thats my problem. There is nothing worse than when you still have mixed feelings for someone and you talk to them and they seem completely in control and settled. You fel like "arghhh I should have at least some effect on you, didn't it all count for something??" but they just have that peaceful, serene.. "yeah I'm good, I've moved on" look in their eyes.. Some people just pack their feelings up and move on happily after a break, I can't this time but I wouldn't change it, I'm more emotional but thats because I feel more and thats a good thing.

I realised the other week, I didn't actually want her back anymore so I thought whats the point in this? Its just my ego now, so I have to let it go. When I met her I thoght she was amazing but over time I realised she wasn't. I jut thought too much about the early days and not about the later stuff, it takes time to get to know someone fully. So I am not losing anymore self respect by seeming sad when I see her, I'm great really and I doubt she will find someone so attentive and loving as I was but she didn't put the effort in so its her loss! You should feel the same.

 

[Poguesy]

Shoot him?

At least that way you'll know there's no chance of getting back together or seeing him again.

I'm somewhat terrible at giving advice

 

[Annik92]

Okiedokes: thanks for the advice, yeah I have realised that and hopefully I won't see him again until I am over him, cause my willpower isn't that strong when it comes to him

The Good Citizen: That is the most annoying thing ever, watching your ex walk around looking like he just doesn't care, that he has completely forgotten :s

Poguesy: Hahaha that's the best advice I've heard

 

[My Lounge Act]

Strangely, I find the hardest relationships to get over are the ones where I think I was treated badly

Same here, it's such a strange, horrible feeling.

 

[Kat]

Avoid him as much as possible, maybe try to get some other friends or hang out with your friends when he won't be there. Don't contact him and don't stalk him online (if you are). Accept him for how he really is. Not just the parts of his personality that you like or a "fantasy" version of his personality. Increase your self esteem (hobbies and interests, things you're good at).

 

[Annik92]

Avoid him as much as possible, maybe try to get some other friends or hang out with your friends when he won't be there. Don't contact him and don't stalk him online (if you are). Accept him for how he really is. Not just the parts of his personality that you like or a "fantasy" version of his personality. Increase your self esteem (hobbies and interests, things you're good at).

thanks for the advice, although I'm already avoiding him and all of that, but I won't get new friends, me having a hard time getting over him shouldn't affect my friends.
I've never stalked him online though, just wanted to say that, cause it sounded a little bit creepy
And I don't really have a self esteem problem, it's much more that I keep comparing other guys to him, I am aware of how he is, but I guess I have glorified him a bit in my heart *cheesy*

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I pretty avcept that i will never get over a certain
Person. I got tired of fighting myself.

Comparing her to other women....
Im a little bit sicker. I turn other women into
Her or only attracted to women like her.
Other women bore me or dont turn me on...

Its not from poor self esteem.
Yeah, sometype of resovle...like the best
Part of her will show up...because ive seen
Plenty of the best loving part of her.

So a lot of the crap or advice i get are
Psychological head games or coping skills.

I love with my heart and not my head.
I feel what i feel....

On the other note....i guess i was one of those
Jackass that went through women....
I burried all my love and feelings away.
Most women want the **** combination to the pad lock
To my heart...its their way of trying to resolve me.
They know...there's a very loving person lucked in there somewhere.

 

[VanillaCreme]

You've probably heard this before, and I'm sure other people will say this, but... Give yourself some time. Believe me, I know it's hard. I sincerely loved my ex. And somewhere inside, I still care about him. But it did indeed take me just about a year to really get over him. Felt like forever, but I did it. Just give yourself some room and some time.

Also, try to ignore what he says to you or about you. Because at the end of the day, you've separated from each other, and what he says shouldn't matter. It's hard at first, but it's possible to turn that switch off about caring what he says.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Eventually, you'll get over him.

Right now, you're in the healing phase, though, which means that you need to separate yourself from him as much as possible. Read a book. Do something to occupy your mind.

Don't let him have control, even after he's gone!

 

[Annik92]

Thanks everyone