How to Make New Friends?

[lonelygirl]

I know this is probably the last place to ask, but HOW do we make friends? I really don't have any social skills. There is this lady at church that I like, but she already has a ton of friends. She's intelligent, funny, and confident. I tried to befriend her and at first she was friendly, but now she just ignores me mostly.

 

[Jeremi]

The problem is that most people have friends that they're satisfied with, so they're not really searching for new friends. We often have to take the first step, and that's not easy. That's very brave of you what you did. I'm sorry it didn't worked out =(

If you have a work where you can talk with other people, that's a good place to meet new people. I found a friend at work, but she moved, and we don't have any contact anymore.

 

[angel_light]

LOnelygirl, i know were your comming from!
I happen to be very friendly, and in the past attracted friends easily, i just bravely thought, talk geez whats the worst they can do, this was when i was at college,but sadly my life changed so bad, ive either lost touch with good friends,but this really hurts!,my so called best friends turned on me when i moved,and i found out that my so called best friend who i saved from bully hell!said horrible things about me behind my back, i found that out from another close friend,and i felt so betrayed, i truly created a monster!
I would say what hurts worse then never having a friend,is having a best friend that could turn on you so easily!, i knew her for 9 years but she turned out to be a jealous *****,real friends are happy for you!
I dont know anyone here in Gloucester and i hate it here, i sometimes wonder anymore why i bother,i dont know if im even happy anymore with my bf,he is not the greatest of company,because he likes to be a loner,although he is always reminding me that if it was not for him, i would not have found out how false my so called friends really were, but truth hurts i guess!, God im so depressed right now,i feel like ive lost a part of my life i will never have back
Jeremi, its true you can find some friends at work, but when i used to work, they only wanted me if i would get drunk with them!, i didnt want that,and so i only went out with the work girls once,they were bad news,and then work was crap and i got laid off, my life sucks,i dont work at all now,but i dont know if i can cope anymore for health reasons,I have been battling agoraphobia for many years!

The problem is that most people have friends that they're satisfied with, so they're not really searching for new friends. We often have to take the first step, and that's not easy. That's very brave of you what you did. I'm sorry it didn't worked out =(

If you have a work where you can talk with other people, that's a good place to meet new people. I found a friend at work, but she moved, and we don't have any contact anymore.

 

[tashar_boo]

I know this is probably the last place to ask, but HOW do we make friends? I really don't have any social skills. There is this lady at church that I like, but she already has a ton of friends. She's intelligent, funny, and confident.  I tried to befriend her and at first she was friendly, but now she just ignores me mostly.

there's really no way to say how.. it depends on the person..just be yourself and if the person you are befriending don't like you or they can't see the good in you then thay aren't be a true friend..it isn't good to change yourself in order for a person to like you!! it's better to be true to yourself

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi,

Thanks for the encouragement. I really have a problem which is that the people I like and want to befriend--already have a ton of friends! They are busy so they don't need more friends, but I DO!

 

[heavyfeather]

I never thought that our "friends list" is limited, but I can see now that you are right and I were sometimes the one rejecting new friends. I admit I was a real bad person, saying things and doing things to naive people that met me and tried to ... get friendly with me. I guess that's how some people you were talking about are.. ignorant of the fact that they're selfish, like in my case.

 

[vivid_details]

lonely girl,
there's little point in wanting to befriend those who are not interested, even if they appear to be amazing in one's eyes. Why don't you try befriending those, like you and I, need friends themselves? Observe them from afar, and you will get a good idea of what kind of a person they may be, and then approach them. They may be shy at first, but keep at it. Paying compliments, or asking open questions, or even a general statement are good ways to start a conversation. When you see someone you want to speak to, before your brain has the chance to register fear or rejection and shyness, take a deep breath, and go for it! if they aren't willing, then move to the next person! practice really does make perfect when it comes to making friends. videojug.com also has some good videos on how to apprach people. hope this helps

 

[vivid_details]

I just remembered. When I was younger, I was a lonely child, and I read an enid blyton book that said the key to making friends and keeping them is to first, BE a friend. I think you and I both, can read into it with deeper sense now, than as we might have as children, . I made a plan that has been foolproof. I speak to at least one person, everyday, whom I've never spoken to before. It took me only a month to make friends with my class then.

 

[lonelygirl]

I just remembered. When I was younger, I was a lonely child, and I read an enid blyton book that said the key to making friends and keeping them is to first, BE a friend. I think you and I both, can read into it with deeper sense now, than as we might have as children, . I made a plan that has been foolproof. I speak to at least one person, everyday, whom I've never spoken to before. It took me only a month to make friends with my class then.

Hi,

What I would like to do is make friends with a person who could understand me, who has the same interests. It's very hard to find people like me...in fact, I've hardly found any! I like the lady at church not just because she's rich, pretty, thin, popular, intelligent, and funny, but because she seems unique and interesting. If there was some dumpy loser like myself I'd try to befriend them, too! But I haven't met that person yet!

 

[AaronAgassi]

For my problem statement and solution proposal, browse http://www.FoolQuest.com Alas, as for getting anyone interested, I remain open to suggestions.

 

[emotionless]

Umm... Be bold, don't fear rejection, be yourself! If you won't be yourself when you first befriend them they'll be friends with the fake you and not yourself which will mess-up the friendship and will be hard to fix... Messed up, huh?

 

[lonelygirl]

Hi Emotionless,

Most people don't want to be friends with an emotionally needy, angry, bitter, and lonely person, though! I try to show my best qualities at first and then show my more vulnerable side and problems as I get to know someone.

 

[In The Matrix]

Hi,

Thanks for the encouragement. I really have a problem which is that the people I like and want to befriend--already have a ton of friends! They are busy so they don't need more friends, but I DO!

There's so much truth in that statement. Those who you naturally gravitate toward, those who seem to attract you as a person, are already hands full with friends, for that very reason. Because they are attractive. I'm not saying physically, though that obviously helps a lot. But character and personality is what makes people stick around.

If you work on being an interesting person, thinking out of the box, especially when talking to people, and never come across as a needy person who might become a burden to them, you will naturally 'collect' friends. This isn't to say you should do the opposite and just give give give either. People will only stick around until you have nothing left to give.

Bottom line: Yes, be yourself. Be bold and interesting and vibrant. People want to be around those who are positive, interesting (not boring), and charismatic.

Your friend in church, the reason why she's begun to ignore you, is because you haven't shown her your true personality. Create emotions in her when you're around her. I believe you were probably too worried and caught up on whatever opinion she might form of you, so you become uptight and rigid and quiet around her. Am I way off the mark here? Try being a bit more dynamic and surprising. People walk through life bored and want something different. I'm sure you're a very interesting and beautiful person who is just itching to come out once you're comfortable with someone. Become comfortable with them from the beginning and don't let the friendship turn stale first.

Good luck! (or is it really about luck?)