I am a different person around differnt people?

[FlyAway22]

I'll start off by apologizing for this being so long. It''s part question, part introduction, part think aloud-or rather in text.

So I work in fast food, the same place for the last 4 years. Since I broke up with my ex, I noticed I changed. I started to find it hard, and a bit scary to talk to others. Co-workers, family. Anyone. Most of my family would say I'm introverted...And most of the time I am. I have a hard time making friends, don't really go out with anyone. I spend a lot of time alone-I don't like it. I feel very lonely at times...Don't get me wrong I have no problems reading a good book or going for a long walk, but sometimes I just want to be with someone. Go to a movie or play pool or something.

But I recently went out of town for work-none knew me there. I was outgoing, got along with everyone, and almost spent Christmas with them. We got along so well I wasn't really worried about not seeing my family. Then I went to a different town, and again new co-workers, and I get along with them.

But I still can't go to the bar and dance, still can't ask any of them to go to a movie or anything. I'm to scared, and when I get back, I'm still going to be the introverted one. I made progress, and it's all down the drain.

Does anyone else find they can be different, try to break out of their shell so to speak, when there's no-one around to judge you when you try to make friends?

And does anyone else find it hard to make that step from acquaintance to friend? To ask a co-worker to go do something outside of work?

 

[Regumika]

Oh yes, I understand this quite well.

First off, Introvert doesn't require any less social interaction than Extroverts. Introverts just receives them a different way. Saying Introverts are solitary people is inaccurate.

Being new to a place is easy to open up because no one will ever, ever, say to you the dreaded words "I didn't know you were so outgoing." Change is something that people have a HUGE issue with. Other people changing and changing themselves. In my experience it's some kind of taboo. No one wants to change, probably because it shows a sense of... defeat. You admit that you are "wrong" that's why change is required in the first place, "don't fix it if it ain't broke" right?

The other question, yes it is difficult to transition from acquaintance to friend, why? Because you have to see that person again, tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after that. What if that person doesn't want to be friends with you? Then it becomes super awkward. Well, it doesn't have to be awkward. Being an Introvert (I think most of us here are), I don't find it hard because I just go back to do my work and communicate professionally like we've always done. I do understand how it can be difficult though. It takes quite a bit of self control and discipline to get past the fact that, just because they don't want to be friends doesn't mean they have anything against you.

 

[ventura23]

I'll start off by apologizing for this being so long. It''s part question, part introduction, part think aloud-or rather in text.

So I work in fast food, the same place for the last 4 years. Since I broke up with my ex, I noticed I changed. I started to find it hard, and a bit scary to talk to others. Co-workers, family. Anyone. Most of my family would say I'm introverted...And most of the time I am. I have a hard time making friends, don't really go out with anyone. I spend a lot of time alone-I don't like it. I feel very lonely at times...Don't get me wrong I have no problems reading a good book or going for a long walk, but sometimes I just want to be with someone. Go to a movie or play pool or something.

But I recently went out of town for work-none knew me there. I was outgoing, got along with everyone, and almost spent Christmas with them. We got along so well I wasn't really worried about not seeing my family. Then I went to a different town, and again new co-workers, and I get along with them.



But I still can't go to the bar and dance, still can't ask any of them to go to a movie or anything. I'm to scared, and when I get back, I'm still going to be the introverted one. I made progress, and it's all down the drain.

Does anyone else find they can be different, try to break out of their shell so to speak, when there's no-one around to judge you when you try to make friends?

And does anyone else find it hard to make that step from acquaintance to friend? To ask a co-worker to go do something outside of work?

it seems your problem may have started with your break up and
you lost your self confidence.
take your time, dont be in a hurry to make friends,
just live your one day at a time and one day a real friend will come along.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm introverted around new people or people I don't know because I prefer to get a feel for what they are about, instead of just talking to hear myself talk. But I'm very extroverted around my friends.