I am new..be gentle..(long)

[Enchanted Dream]

I just joined this forum. I have read a lot of threads regarding the lonliness factor.

I am for one has never been able to handle my lonliness. I have always been self destructing, low self esteem type of person. I am 39 years old and never been married or have any children (I am infertile). Never had a serious relationship. I do see someone now in another state but he and I are so different. He is a good man, but not the "one" as we have nothing in common. The only good thing is the sex.

I feel like a freak. I feel like an alien. I have never fit in, and don't have any real close friends. I can count on my hand how many people I talk to. A couple from chatlines I have been in touch with for a few years that I have never met. One ex boyfriend that we were mostly friends, no passion. I talk to another ex that all he wants to do is have sex, and its been 4 years since I have seen him. He is pretty much a dog. I had an ex from 20 years contact me on facebook, and that made me feel wonderful that someone remembered me and wanted to get back in touch with me but he lives on the other side of the country now, and has a baby and a girlfriend and when we do talk, its like we are strangers. And he always wants some kind of nude photo. I knew him when we were kids. I was 19 and he was 22. He also broke my heart at that time.

I guess I just wanted to vent. I know that other people have the same issues as me. I always felt I was the only one. I am a heavy girl, and I want to be thinner but I know that is not the secret of being happy. I just want to be content. I would like to find the "one" but I have a very HARD time trusting anyone, since I was burnt so many times by men.

Where can you meet a decent person? I don't go out much except for the gym. I am unemployed and collecting compensation, and will be going back to school in the fall. I have tried the dating websites but they are just a crazy as chatlines are. I just figure I will not meet that person.

I have always been into things that most people are not into. I love astronomy, history, philosphy, sports, and most women are not into any of that. I can't relate to a lot of the past friends that I knew that had kids. I think differently, and most people can't relate to me. I don't think I am weird. I just think that I think differently. I am obsessed over the meaning of life. Where we came from? Where are we going to? I don't know if that is a downer subject for most people. I guess I just wanted to rant. Thanks for anyone that is reading this. Any comments..would be appreciated

 

[DevinSutherland]

I suggest you break down your problems and not lump them into one paragraph... they are very different and unique. Take them one at a time.

First, do you really believe in "The ONE" myth. We are animals... we either get a mate, or we don't. There is no special feeling... the feeling of love is comfort in the others presence... love is an agreement to protect, and care for the other person.

Second, if you have a weight problem and this distresses you... correct it. Or try to correct it, trying will make you feel better than doing nothing. It will give you subtle comfort.

Third, you are not so much different as you seem intelligent... or atleast inquisitive. This is a good thing. Look into Exestentialism if you like philosophy, its what I live by.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

O_O lucky I want to be infertile.

Now that has been said. You sound like you see a libido as a serious character flaw. You want a guy who's mind works more like a woman's mind. Sadly most men only make an emotional connection after a physical one has been made. That Is just how we are.

Another thing I am noticing is you are afraid of failure. You want the next guy you date to be your next husband. You do not want to deal with anything that comes from being in a relationship with another independent human. At least that is the vibe I get from your post. You need to get out there and take a chance. Take a chance that your relationship might end in heartbreak. Trying is no promise for success. However, not trying will guarantee failure.

School is a great place to met people. I think that will help you meet new people. Why not join a club or volunteer? If you want to meet someone you need to be around people.

 

[Enchanted Dream]

Well..thank you for the feedback. Its not like I am desperate and looking for a husband. I just want a connection with someone. I am doing something about my weight as that has always been an issue on my shyness and feeling weird. I have already lost 37 pounds and taking it one step at a time. I agree with frozen soul. My father has been telling me that for years. That men go by looks, if they like your looks then they will get to know you. I know how shallow people can be. I am not "ugly" but I know I don't turn heads either. I am like a wallflower. My biggest concern is getting my life and health together. I just want some friends and go out and do things with, when its warm outside. I do walk all the time. I walk like 5 miles a day, outdoors and in the gym.

I hope to continue on my path of being a healthier person. I have already quit smoking weed, and I am also cutting back on my cigarettes. I know I will be near my goal weight by my 40th birthday.

I have been feeling better.

I just can't wait to feel like I am living and not existing.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well..thank you for the feedback. Its not like I am desperate and looking for a husband. I just want a connection with someone. I am doing something about my weight as that has always been an issue on my shyness and feeling weird. I have already lost 37 pounds and taking it one step at a time. I agree with frozen soul. My father has been telling me that for years. That men go by looks, if they like your looks then they will get to know you. I know how shallow people can be. I am not "ugly" but I know I don't turn heads either. I am like a wallflower. My biggest concern is getting my life and health together. I just want some friends and go out and do things with, when its warm outside. I do walk all the time. I walk like 5 miles a day, outdoors and in the gym.

I hope to continue on my path of being a healthier person. I have already quit smoking weed, and I am also cutting back on my cigarettes. I know I will be near my goal weight by my 40th birthday.

I have been feeling better.

I just can't wait to feel like I am living and not existing.

It sounds like that you're making progress in your life. Men are very driven by looks, it is unfortunately true, but a large part of looking better is just being healthier. You seem to be doing that, so I wish you every luck.