today i feel particularly lonely, i can't take it anymore
i thought i was better, but i am not. i just lost 18 pounds and i am getting it all back. i change mood by the hour. when i was coming home today i was singing out loud, thinking tonight was gonna be a good night. well everytimes i think so , i always end up here really trying to read interesting threads and laugh a little at some, empathize with some others and fall asleep hopeful, right after. lately its been just so hard. i found myself saying, oh God not another day please. please God can't you just answer my prayers please. just this once, one more time. everyday i am just tempted to cross these same streets when the crosswalk is not on.
i don't know what i am living for, and why every little life obstacle make me feel so angry and not belonging.
when i am not so tired i can't fall asleep and i just feel so lonely. and i am scared that i will spend my whole life like that, unless i push the stop button somehow. i can't find the remedy, whichever one i used before.
i can't even finish watching my favorite show. i lost interest in everything.
i am slowly becoming more anti social and i guess i am developing a dangerous social phobia. i am looking in everyone face to see if they can decipher my feelings. sometimes i feel like i push people away because of my mood. i am howling inside and i think the scream is finally coming out, but no one giving a hand to help me out. i feel like everyone is standing accross from me and watching my every move and just staring or laughing and not doing anything at all to help.
i smoke my brain out. i am tired of smoking now. i am the chimney at your house. if you don't have one you could have me there, it'd be the same as having one.
i am so reluctant to go outside and that's why i am missing so many classes at school. i just want to stay in bed all day fantasizing about who i wish i was, what i wish i had and reminisce about my lost love. i can't stand the public transportation anymore, because i keep seeing these couples and they get on my last nerves.
i just wonder
i mean i try to ignore all these crazy thoughts but after a while they come back at full speed to attack me.
i am just falling backward sooooooo fast..
i thought i was better, but i am not. i just lost 18 pounds and i am getting it all back. i change mood by the hour. when i was coming home today i was singing out loud, thinking tonight was gonna be a good night. well everytimes i think so , i always end up here really trying to read interesting threads and laugh a little at some, empathize with some others and fall asleep hopeful, right after. lately its been just so hard. i found myself saying, oh God not another day please. please God can't you just answer my prayers please. just this once, one more time. everyday i am just tempted to cross these same streets when the crosswalk is not on.
i don't know what i am living for, and why every little life obstacle make me feel so angry and not belonging.
when i am not so tired i can't fall asleep and i just feel so lonely. and i am scared that i will spend my whole life like that, unless i push the stop button somehow. i can't find the remedy, whichever one i used before.
i can't even finish watching my favorite show. i lost interest in everything.
i am slowly becoming more anti social and i guess i am developing a dangerous social phobia. i am looking in everyone face to see if they can decipher my feelings. sometimes i feel like i push people away because of my mood. i am howling inside and i think the scream is finally coming out, but no one giving a hand to help me out. i feel like everyone is standing accross from me and watching my every move and just staring or laughing and not doing anything at all to help.
i smoke my brain out. i am tired of smoking now. i am the chimney at your house. if you don't have one you could have me there, it'd be the same as having one.
i am so reluctant to go outside and that's why i am missing so many classes at school. i just want to stay in bed all day fantasizing about who i wish i was, what i wish i had and reminisce about my lost love. i can't stand the public transportation anymore, because i keep seeing these couples and they get on my last nerves.
i just wonder
i mean i try to ignore all these crazy thoughts but after a while they come back at full speed to attack me.
i am just falling backward sooooooo fast..