I am tired

[Aksentije]

I am tired of fighting the sadness constantly. I mean I know everything that there is to be said.. and everything was said.
I fully understand that I am unique and that we are all equal but still sometimes i just can't fight the sadness. I usually listen to music when i'm feeling down, and i instantly get back up. Every time i manage to slip away from being sad and just wanting to burst out in tears. But there are a few slips where i just can't take it anymore. I am so tired of fighting it.

I am not a social person, I know what I can achieve. I am not physically attractive and I don't think i should ever change in order to find someone close, be it a friend or something more.But i just get so discouraged.

I refuse to change, because I like the way I look and I like myself. I love me for me, but sometimes I just can't ignore the way other people look at me. Throughout the 4 years of high school i never made any true friends. I have two or three friends who are really close to me, but not that close to be my out of school friends. I mean when we see eachother we will talk and all but thats not it. It seems everyone likes everyone else except me.

Today I finished high school. And me and my friends parted way. One of my friends started hugging the other, she almost cried. She told her how she will miss her and can't wait to see her again, and they hugged for like a minute. Then she turns to me and just says.. bye.. and leaves.

I mean that is just...I can't explain it at all. I felt like garbage. I'm always a friend when they need support, but when I want one simply hug, or a proper way to say goodbye it's too much? I didn't say anything because I Can't stand the fighting. ANd i know that it would only make the matters worse. Everyone is sad for finishing highschool, but i am not. I am glad to get rid of most of those people. They seem all nice and polite in the end, but when i remember the way they were with me through out the 4 years of school i just wanna smack them in the face.

But that chapter of my life is almost complete, and I am glad to have ti finished. The only thing I don't like is that now i have to go to college. And adapt.

People won't approach me, i guess i'm not hot enough for them. I don't know how to make the first move in a friendship... EVeryone seems to judge on appearance, and I am so much bigger on the inside.

I'm asking for your help... how do I make new friends?

 

[Limlim]

You're going to be a stronger person in the long run. While others will be stuck in the past and always try to relive those years, you'll be looking forward, which ends up being useful in odd ways throughout your life.

College is a lot easier to adapt to because they are generally much larger than high schools. Only piece of advice I can give is, that because it is so ******* big you wont make any friends in class. So join an associated club of any kind (They'll either spend a day advertising it, or you can look them up at a campus centre) as soon as humanly possible and get started with the smaller groups. You'll find people are a little more accepting at this point in your life now they are out of the shithole that highschools tend to be.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I understand. I believe i know all there is to know
Or enough of it.....

Its like an annoyance to me.
I dont like feeling sad, depress or down..its just
So very gloomy. Feels yackie...a wasted of my time
And life. None productive for me.

I dont fight it or take it too heart anymore.
If i feel like crying...oh fucken well, im crying
The sooner i get done crying the sooner ill snap
Out of it...but walking through those moment
Seems like a life time...its fucken really retarted.

I know if i fovus on being positive itlll work
But i get tured of workinf it at times...
So im like fresia it.lmao
Then every i feeling in going through is a big
Mother fucken joke...so i luagh at mysel..
It like wow man....thats was a hell of a trip
With out taking acid.lmao


Then i gotta deal with the fucken peanut
gallory.( society). Lmao

---

How do i make new freinds?
Well...theyre kind of like the peanut gallory to me.lmao
If i gatta put on a fake smile...so ******* be it.
I dont really worry or care about pity honeysuckle like
That anymore.....
Whatever....just go with the flow.
Not fighting this honeysuckle anumore..

Im pretty light heart and mellow anyways.
Dont take things too serious.
i domt need to impress anyone.

Poeple had bounced in and out of my life...
So trying to hold on to any of them is rather
Piontless.

---

I feel like a travelor going through a vast experience
Of this thing all life..

---

Good times, bad times....
Cherrish the good times and tire to forget the
Bad times as best i can...you know this already.
If i get tired....fresia it. I rest and sleep.
Things looks diiffernt when im rested.

 

[paulo]

like LCrow said, when you feel sad, feel sad.
fighting it wil onely make it last longer.
its something that happens to everyone ones in a while.
some sort of cycle that your body go`s through.
enjoy it for a little while, let it out and stuff.
just be carefull you dont get stuk in it.

attitude has a lot to do with people approaching you or not.
iff you were hurt by people before youll be more carefull the next time.
making you look not as open, little angry maybe, more distant, les approachable.
youre most likely keeping your distance a little, people pick that up and "respect" that and react by not getting to close.

some people are just easy and open, theyll hug everyone
but im guessing youve never hugged your friends as well.
they wont know that you wanted them to just because you felt like it.

you might come acros as someone you dont get to close to, you dont touch, have to be a little carefull with or maybe a little tough and scary even.

if you want people to get closer you have to be more open.
that can and prob will get you hurt sometimes though.
self confidense helps but not if youre facking it, that will just make you look arrogant.

if youre hot it will prob be easyer, people will try to approach you anyway (the wrong ones mostely though).
but its actually pretty simple.
people will react to what you give em.
if you dont get the reaction you want youll have to figure out what youre giving them.
easy way is to just ask, ask them what they think of you, how you come across.
doesnt really work with strangers though (they will say anything to get rid of this stranger asking them awkward questions ), but the friends you did have will prob be honest and gentle.
giving you something to work with maybe.