I Realized I have never had a close connection with anyone, ever

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michael2

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Obviously its me. It's not everyone else.

I yearn so much for someone who can truly be my best friend. Whether thats a man as a friend, or a woman as a possible romantic partner.

I'm almost 40 and have never had a best friend.

Just wish I wasn't such a freak, I wish I was like everyone else. I think I am sometimes, but I get reminded by people all the time that I'm not.

I just want to have a close connection with someone, so bad. I feel like I'm suffering everyday.
 
Firstly, if you keep referring to yourself as a freak, why would that endear anyone to befriend you? Who wants to be friends with a freak? You need to believe that you are just as non-freaky as anyone else, that you are normal, and if you're normal, then there's no reason to believe you can't have a friend like anyone else. And stay away from people who call you a freak. You don't need people like that in your life.
 
:) NEVER say or think that you want to be "like everyone else". This is the worst thing one can wish to themselves. Just, look around -- not here, but the offline around. Do you REALLY want to be like the average picture of how people around are??

I hope and wish to you that your lone state ends up soon. Moreover, the age between 37 and 40 is one of the periods where things seriously change. It depends on the case, of course, but surely it is a meaningful period.

Stay well!!
 
the lord of the rings pippin GIF


I would argue that authentic close friendship is hard to find and is somewhat of a scarcity.
You can find a lot of people who have transactional-style friendships or business friendships.
The trouble with that however as is the trouble with anything that's transactional socially is:
It doesn't last. It doesn't last because it isn't built to last.

Authenticity can also shift between time and age into more transactional-based friendships.
This typically tends to happen as people get older and go about their own lives making their own decisions, often accidentally stumbling along the way. It's normal and quite common, but also sad and quite unfortunate.

My closest friend is 37, and is on disability after handful of failed suicide attempts.
So he no longer works. His mother takes care of him. I'm reasonably sure he's suffered some sort of complex internal brain trauma from his suicide attempts, because his neuroticism has increased over the years.

I love the man, I do. He's like a brother to me.
But also he can be very trying, very challenging at times.
I can definitely understand his mothers frustrations as equally as I can his with her.

He doesn't work., doesn't go out, doesn't socialize much due to his agoraphobia and social anxiety.

Yet simultaneously, he's also cognitively one of the smartest people I've ever met.
Being of Socratic philosophy, thinking like an architect, with mild to intermediate computer science comprehension.
He is absolutely not useless.

What he is, really, is sick of other humans honeysuckle.
And I really kind of can't blame him.
Introverted misanthropy is sort of the mutual foundation of our friendship. 😌😂
Known him for like 12-ish years.

Other than him, I don't really see anyone in person outside of my family.


I've got another friend I've had for decades who, unfortunately like the above I stated has shifted from authenticity into a transactional-style friendship. What I learned is that people who go through that, that unfortunately befalls them because of their lack of developmental impulse control and/or lack of focus. He can focus, but he has no impulse control. So the result is, that by the measure of his own social corralling, he can't stand up to his own standardizations due to ego.

In life, The Master has Failed more times than The Student who refuses to even try.
And in Truth, that is because Failure itself IS The Master, it IS The Teacher.

It's easier to get hung up on a feeling, than it is to extrapolate what that feeling actually means. The subtext of subtext itself, or the meaning behind feeling, is basically the bounceback off of the walls of your own mind. But because it's subtextual of even the subtext itself, people don't usually pick that up.

So because they don't pick it up, some never learn it, some polarize into denial due to ego, some have to be forwardly told it before they actually really realize what they're looking at (because how do you know what a vessel looks like if you've never seen a vessel before?), and some people are just like: "Eh fresia it, TL;DR." 😂
 
Obviously its me. It's not everyone else.

I yearn so much for someone who can truly be my best friend. Whether thats a man as a friend, or a woman as a possible romantic partner.

I'm almost 40 and have never had a best friend.

Just wish I wasn't such a freak, I wish I was like everyone else. I think I am sometimes, but I get reminded by people all the time that I'm not.

I just want to have a close connection with someone, so bad. I feel like I'm suffering everyday.
Don't undersell yourself.
I only do freaks. It's my specialty. They're the last special people around.
 
In life, The Master has Failed more times than The Student who refuses to even try.
And in Truth, that is because Failure itself IS The Master, it IS The Teacher.
In different words, I tried explaining that concept to people so many times...
I'd rather try and fail at something impossible to attain, rather than sit back and never take a chance.
Just do it
Nike. 😉
 
Don't undersell yourself.
I only do freaks. It's my specialty. They're the last special people around.
(y)(y)(y)
in many senses.

As a rule, if to tell the truth, I always start by considering the person a freak. And then, if he/she proves me wrong, I remove the honour.
 
I'm almost 40 and have never had a best friend.

I(almost 50) understand your pain. I did have a best friend as a kid but then college happened. I had friends in college but then graduation happened. After that, it's been me, myself, and I and normally Myself and I aren't at home because they don't like to be around me.

I did sort of date someone for 2 years I was really close to but she pushed me away because she couldn't handle being near other people and she then killed herself.

I've thought about it multiple times and I don't have friends. I have acquaintances. There are people that will talk to me if I meet them somewhere but not people who just want to hang out. Not that that would be good since I have no idea how to just hang out. Most people know me as someone that just loves helping others so when there are things happening that they need help, I get contacted but once the help is finished, I'm back by myself again.

I don't understand "friends". Amazon never has any in stock.
 
the lord of the rings pippin GIF


I would argue that authentic close friendship is hard to find and is somewhat of a scarcity.
You can find a lot of people who have transactional-style friendships or business friendships.
The trouble with that however as is the trouble with anything that's transactional socially is:
It doesn't last. It doesn't last because it isn't built to last.

Authenticity can also shift between time and age into more transactional-based friendships.
This typically tends to happen as people get older and go about their own lives making their own decisions, often accidentally stumbling along the way. It's normal and quite common, but also sad and quite unfortunate.

My closest friend is 37, and is on disability after handful of failed suicide attempts.
So he no longer works. His mother takes care of him. I'm reasonably sure he's suffered some sort of complex internal brain trauma from his suicide attempts, because his neuroticism has increased over the years.

I love the man, I do. He's like a brother to me.
But also he can be very trying, very challenging at times.
I can definitely understand his mothers frustrations as equally as I can his with her.

He doesn't work., doesn't go out, doesn't socialize much due to his agoraphobia and social anxiety.

Yet simultaneously, he's also cognitively one of the smartest people I've ever met.
Being of Socratic philosophy, thinking like an architect, with mild to intermediate computer science comprehension.
He is absolutely not useless.

What he is, really, is sick of other humans honeysuckle.
And I really kind of can't blame him.
Introverted misanthropy is sort of the mutual foundation of our friendship. 😌😂
Known him for like 12-ish years.

Other than him, I don't really see anyone in person outside of my family.


I've got another friend I've had for decades who, unfortunately like the above I stated has shifted from authenticity into a transactional-style friendship. What I learned is that people who go through that, that unfortunately befalls them because of their lack of developmental impulse control and/or lack of focus. He can focus, but he has no impulse control. So the result is, that by the measure of his own social corralling, he can't stand up to his own standardizations due to ego.

In life, The Master has Failed more times than The Student who refuses to even try.
And in Truth, that is because Failure itself IS The Master, it IS The Teacher.

It's easier to get hung up on a feeling, than it is to extrapolate what that feeling actually means. The subtext of subtext itself, or the meaning behind feeling, is basically the bounceback off of the walls of your own mind. But because it's subtextual of even the subtext itself, people don't usually pick that up.

So because they don't pick it up, some never learn it, some polarize into denial due to ego, some have to be forwardly told it before they actually really realize what they're looking at (because how do you know what a vessel looks like if you've never seen a vessel before?), and some people are just like: "Eh fresia it, TL;DR." 😂
thanks a lot for your beautiful text !

it was a real treat to read it, as sad as some passages were, you have a talent for writing I believe ^^
 
thanks a lot for your beautiful text !

it was a real treat to read it, as sad as some passages were, you have a talent for writing I believe ^^

Thank you.
I have a love/hate relationship with it.
I'm thankful that I've developed it, but I've also picked up some stalkers online I've had to fend off who can pick me out of a bunch purely because of how I write. 🙃
I wouldn't change it though.
It's mostly improvised with some editing.
Or if I get busy I have to put part of what I wrote down and then come back and finish up later. 😅
 
I guess its strange I always feel like this about family. Never knowing what its like to have a real mum, I feel like why didnt I deserve what everyone takes for granted.

I hope you find someone to melt your walls and steal your heart ✨
 

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