I can't seem to get it right

[staynstrng4jesus]

well let me say i have been married four times, and all my husbands were good men. i am still friends with them all.

2008 but i can't seen to get it right. my fourth husband who i married only 6 months ago left me. as far as i know he says that maybe we got married to soon. He is a believer like me, he is a widower and has to step sons. he said that he can't stop thinking about her. so i have accepted it.

2003 my 3rd husband is not a believer, but kinda lead me to think that he was. and i just could deal with living with two life styles. it really hindered my relationship with the Lord so i left.

1999 my 2nd husband was a believer, but i was the stronger personality in the relationship, (and it didn't help that i also was second in line as his boss at work) i really had problems with him sexually. so i left.

1989 my frist husband was not a believer and i got saved and he did want me to go to church at all and it really caused lots of problems. but i gave in to keep the peace. well that was a bad idea, cause he ended up cheating and i for gave him. all my dreams were tied up in our life together. but it really never worked out in the end. so i left.

now i said all this to say that i don't know what to do anymore. i'm beginning to think that i am the main problem. i know that i have learned many things, but i can't seem to get it right?

and yes i dated all out them for over a year or more. and #2 & 4 i did not have sex with them before marriage.

has anyone else ever been through this before? and if so did you give up? or go on?

 

[LonelyDragon]

Well, while I've never actually been married, I've been - and am in a relationship that was only missing that piece of paper. And to be completely honest, if I ever give up trying I might as well give up on everything. So I say keep on trying. There has to be something - someone - out there.

 

[Shizzlyn]

Sounds like you have gone thru alot with the men in your life, been there done that. I feel for you really, and my advice would be definately go on, if he is sure he doesn't want to stay let him go. Let him deal with whatever it is that he should have dealt with before he married you. The reason he left has more to do with him than it did you. I would say to concentrate on getting to know you. Ask yourself these questions: was he the type of man you have always wanted? If not, why did you settle? Do you feel that you are the type of woman who deserves a good man? Be honest with yourself when answering those questions and you will learn alot about yourself and what is going on in your life. Who knows, maybe after some time passes your husband may want to come back and try to work things out, maybe not. You may not even want him back if he wanted to come back. I know it hurts, but things will get better. I speak from experience, things have gotten much better for, me thousands of times better. I could tell you stories of what I have been through and where I am now, feel free to pm me if you need to talk.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I agree with the statement of it was more to each split than you. They had more going on in their mind than you know, or that they would ever tell you. I also agree with asking yourself what you want. What do you want? Is he what I've always wanted in someone? Does he make me feel complete?

Sweets, it's more than just a piece of paper and rings that make a marriage. It's that commitment. It's that bond. It's that one thing that no one else ever gave to you. Don't just settle because at least someone is there. I don't think that type attitude is any good for anyone.

I would suggest to learn yourself more, and think about what you want and need out of someone.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeah sort of ....

I'm more into spiritaulity rather than religion, now.

Religion didn't work for me...beucase I used to get drunk and party
real hard during the week, weekend and dragged
my butt to church on sunday morning, go through the motion and try to get right. lol
I used to pray like heck everyday but my ex-wf and I would
get into arguments all the time.

The brimstone and hell fire...didn't help
I was a born sinner and a rebel without a cuase.
If I was going to go to hell...I might as will go out with a couple of bangs.lmao
I had that impending doom or malencaly stuff going.

It kind of reminded me of a the movie...The Deperado..lol
He'd go to church, pray, and asked for forgivness for his
future sins....lmao

My ex-gf used to talk about god all the time while she was wack
out of her mind on speed in the casion and gambling half of
our checking account away. WTF ???

Yeah..I had to learn alot about myself...Get honest and get right
with myself. Obviously, No more mind altering and mood changing
substance...first things first...So I can see cleaer or have a clearer
vision...it's like opening up a can of worms. I belive my god would
be by my side and give me strength to look at my own BS or shortcomings.
Face Everything And Recover. I had to establish a relationship/turst with
my god/hp. Not my gf's god, the pope's god nor anyone else.

I'm a child of god. I have the right to be here, no more nor no
less than the moons or stars...No more nor no less than anyone...
that includes the pope and the preachers too.
If I think I'm less than anyone...then I'm playing god..lol

I needed a loving god..a god of my understanding. (which I don't completely understand.lol).
Never the less I belive my GOD loves me unconditionally. My god communicates with me in ways that i can
comprehend and understand. If god speakes to me in tounges..
it's bascailly piontless...I don't understand that...lol

Anyway...grieveing over someone you love very much takes
time....more than 6 months...Sometimes it might even take years
becuase if you don't process the lost or grieving...it'll stay with
you for whatever long until you do so.
It took me 2 years to be able to start grieving for the lost of my
children. The twins died 7 months into the pregnantcy.

I lost someone I love very much this year. Her death sent me
into a tail spin. I lost my faith in the porcess of losing her.
I hated god for taking her. I went through differnt stages
of the grieving process. The last thing I needed was to get into
a relationship.. I needed to heal and get well/right.
Like i say...My god loves me unconditionally...I can lose faith or
not belive anymore.

I also read somewhere that no amount of spirituality or faith will
remove the pain of a lost of a love one...If you belive or have
faith...it might help you get though the pain...there's no short cuts
or getting around the pain...bascailly you embrace the pain with all
your might...the sooner you process it...the sooner you'll get pass it.
That's pretty much had been my experince this past year.
My ass fell off a couple of times too.
The pain I felt was the testiment of how much I love her.
If I didn't cared..I'd probably would felt nothing.

Then again...my body or mind might also go into self defence mode and numb myself out.
Or....get into another relationship too fast to ease the pain...and not process the pain.
Or ..escape into many other forms of addictions or unhealty habits.

I gamble for 2 years of my life..after the twins died.
The day i stopped was the day I broked down and cried for them.

I also met someone recently...There's pain that's jumping up and biting her in the ass.
Her father died when she was a child. She hasn't been able to process that lost after
all these years. She's stronge enough now...I guess.
She's getting a lot of re triggers. She's processing her lost as best she can.

When going through a relationship break up...there's a grieving process.
You lost someone from your life....so it's sort of like a death.
I also read..the average time for getting over a long term relationship is around a year.


Maybe you heard of "FOOT PRINTS IN THE SAND".
There were 2 sets of foot prints in the sand...God and I.
At one point in my life...I saw only one set of foot prints.
I felt foresaken, lost and alone...I felt god abandent me.

God told me...the single set of foot prints was God's
foot prints. God had pick me up and carried me through all
my troubles, trials, depairs and tribulations.

 

[EveWasFramed]

I'm in my third marriage. We dated for about a year and a half before we got married. We've been married for five years (in May). It seems like I had to marry two jackasses, so I'd know what a quality man was when I saw one. We are blissfully happy and have a three year old daughter now. Never give up, just be a little more cautious. Who knows...maybe hubby number 5 will be the one.

 

[SophiaGrace]

maybe you set too high expectations? Not sure...

But please do try try again. But please make sure he is what you want spiritually. Learn from your past mistakes. Find someone that makes you truely happy.

 

[Steel]

Hey, and welcome.

 

[staynstrng4jesus]

i just wanted to say thank all for your comments. i really have had good husbands....but sometimes when they came along it was either the wrong time for me or for them. but i'm a very strong person and i don't believe in not caring about someone that i have loved. i feel that in our lives many people come and go, but i like to hold on to the good memorys and the laughter that i shared with them. so as always the hurting will stop and i will be able to laugh again. thank you again for listening. you all have a wonderful christmas and happy new year.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Merry Christmas to you too, dear.