I don't get it

[secretlycanadian]

So I met this girl at a Meetup event. Things went really well and we even hung out afterwards. Next night she came over to my place and we played video games. I thought I had finally met my match. And that's exactly when the other shoe dropped.

The next day she tells me that she just got out of a serious relationship and just wants to be friends for now. I was perfectly fine with that, since I don't exactly have an abundance of friends. I give her some space.

A few days later I ask if she wants to hang out, and she tells me no... because her EX is getting jealous. Days pass again and I get a threat on facebook from some random jerk (her "ex") telling me to stay away from her. Don't call, don't text, don't PM. No contact. I ask him about his insecurities and he flies off the handle. I felt good about that. Naturally, I texted her immediately after this and ask what's up with this psychopath. She tells me they're back together under the condition that she won't talk to me anymore. Nice to know that this is the winner that she picked over me! Real self esteem booster. Apparently he's "chill" in real life.

 

[theglasscell]

So I met this girl at a Meetup event. Things went really well and we even hung out afterwards. Next night she came over to my place and we played video games. I thought I had finally met my match. And that's exactly when the other shoe dropped.

The next day she tells me that she just got out of a serious relationship and just wants to be friends for now. I was perfectly fine with that, since I don't exactly have an abundance of friends. I give her some space.

A few days later I ask if she wants to hang out, and she tells me no... because her EX is getting jealous. Days pass again and I get a threat on facebook from some random jerk (her "ex") telling me to stay away from her. Don't call, don't text, don't PM. No contact. I ask him about his insecurities and he flies off the handle. I felt good about that. Naturally, I texted her immediately after this and ask what's up with this psychopath. She tells me they're back together under the condition that she won't talk to me anymore. Nice to know that this is the winner that she picked over me! Real self esteem booster. Apparently he's "chill" in real life.

I'm sorry that happened to you. Sounds like you are definitely better off without this girl though.

I would be careful about that guy.

Dating an insecure, jealous guy is a nightmare, I feel bad for that girl.

 

[Alienated]

Text her you will be there for her when, he won't. And when she needs some that actually cares about her, you won't treat her like she treated you.

 

[khaoz_ferox]

Walk away, man. Last thing you want is a jealous ex/bf looking for a brawl.

Don't let it kill your self-esteem, you just got caught up in someone else's honeysuckle. Been there, done that.

Forget it, move on.

 

[Okiedokes]

Sounds like she didn't really know what she wanted, but I'm sure she doesn't want to really be with him but feels trapped. Not a good situation to be in for her, or you. I'd say maybe you could talk to her to help her out of that, but it puts you in a dangerous position. Don't feel like you weren't as good as that other guy though. Anyone can be very attached to someone even if they get treated like crap. It's a one sided love.

 

[Limlim]

Sounds like you were just bait she set up to get the ex jealous enough to want her back.

 

[duff]

So I met this girl at a Meetup event. Things went really well and we even hung out afterwards. Next night she came over to my place and we played video games. I thought I had finally met my match. And that's exactly when the other shoe dropped.

The next day she tells me that she just got out of a serious relationship and just wants to be friends for now. I was perfectly fine with that, since I don't exactly have an abundance of friends. I give her some space.

A few days later I ask if she wants to hang out, and she tells me no... because her EX is getting jealous. Days pass again and I get a threat on facebook from some random jerk (her "ex") telling me to stay away from her. Don't call, don't text, don't PM. No contact. I ask him about his insecurities and he flies off the handle. I felt good about that. Naturally, I texted her immediately after this and ask what's up with this psychopath. She tells me they're back together under the condition that she won't talk to me anymore. Nice to know that this is the winner that she picked over me! Real self esteem booster. Apparently he's "chill" in real life.

delete her from everything and stop thinking about her. No contact whatsoever.

 

[Senamian]

She sounds very unstable, sadly. Some people put themselves in bad situations, because it is all that they know. They go back to what they know, rather than dive into what is unknown. I know a few people like this sadly. You do not want to be a rebound backup guy.

As much as you may wish she will eventually be with you... Her ex is the kind who is relentless. TRUST ME. You set him too far over the edge, he is taking you with him. With you in the perfect line of being a reound backup... You put yourself at risk of the guy's anger and frustration, and right into her clutches of causing such jealousy and silly behavior.

For your own safety, you may have to drop this one. Girls like that... They do use "the good guy" to cling onto, to do exactly what you found out. It has nothing to do with you not being good enough... It's her own unfortunate mind twisted in her own delusional reality.

 

[secretlycanadian]

Sounds like you were just bait she set up to get the ex jealous enough to want her back.

Yeah that's kind of what I'm thinking. Well it certainly worked out for her if that was her game. Must be nice having the power of manipulation.

 

[African_weasel]

That's scary. I would have gone to the police after that happened.

 

[Phaedron]

wow, that is shitty. I think it probably happened to me too. I haven't heard from Maria in years, well I lost all my other friends so what the hell.

Plus even if it had worked out, you'd just be a rebound for her.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sounds like you were just bait she set up to get the ex jealous enough to want her back.

Ding.

 

[African_weasel]

Contrary to the advice, I would keep contacting her. She might be in an abusive relationship. You could save her life. Just saying.

 

[GraceBlossom]

It does sound like a very volatile relationship she is in and possibly abusive. I would stay away. I am tempted to say tell her you are there as a friend if she ever ends it, but for your safety that may not be wise. I know I wish someone had been on the other side for me when I wanted to escape, but don't put yourself in danger there are some very good organisation's who can help her.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Contrary to the advice, I would keep contacting her. She might be in an abusive relationship. You could save her life. Just saying.

You may feel like it's your mission in life to save people... But people who don't want to be saved, just can't be. It's really up to her.

 

[Moe'sTavern]

I can't believe there are people advocating that he maintain contact with this girl. He doesn't need to be some White Knight putting his own safety at risk.

 

[African_weasel]

It does sound like a very volatile relationship she is in and possibly abusive. I would stay away. I am tempted to say tell her you are there as a friend if she ever ends it, but for your safety that may not be wise. I know I wish someone had been on the other side for me when I wanted to escape, but don't put yourself in danger there are some very good organisation's who can help her.

Hey, I take risks. He can do whatever he wants.

 

[Garbageman]

He could end up putting her in a worse situation by taking risks and trying to help. Situations like this can get out of hand real fast. Its not just himself he may be putting in danger. I am all for taking risks to help people but in a situation where you hardly know the people you are dealing with the last thing you want to do is aggravate things. If there is any concern at all about abuse, at most he should find information about organizations in the area that help with that, and send it to her anonymously. If she needs or wants help, she needs to be the one to seek it out.

 

[secretlycanadian]

I'm not going to be the white knight here. Screw that. I'm done with the whole nice guy thing. If she's really in danger, she has plenty of options.

 

[Senamian]

If she does run into you, and sounds like she is in a bad situation - instead of (like you said you don't want to be) the White Knight, tell her she needs to go to one of the many groups, including anonymous telephone lines that are more than willing to help her out just like Garbageman mentioned.