Among the Sleep
Well-known member
I'm gonna try to not make this a novel...but I'm one of those kids who's never had a girlfriend or has had much sexual experience (I'll be turning 24 this summer). For a long, long time, this could be attributed to a crippling lack of confidence. My self esteem was so low that I literally, in my heart of hearts felt like there was no girl/woman alive who would ever have those types of feelings for me. Mainly cause of the way I look, I guess, but I don't even look all that bad. It was just crazy, irrationally low self esteem. And not to say that I've grown out of all my self confidence issues, but I finally realize how ridiculous it was to be so down on myself for all those years, and I'm coming out on the other side of that, thankfully.
But I guess my problem now is that I feel really out of step with how the whole dating/relationship/sex thing goes. I just have no experience. I'm at an age where everyone I know has had a girlfriend/boyfriend or two, has at least messed a couple people, but I just don't know how to approach any of it. It's very foreign to me.
To give an analogy, me (mostly) getting over my horrendously low self esteem is kind of like getting out of prison. My brain was locked up for, I don't know, 6 years or so, and while I'm glad to have my freedom, I don't know what the hell to do with it. I finally understand that I can have that type of worth to somebody, and there's potential, which in itself is a big step forward. But I don't know the first thing about relationships. If I took a girl on a date I'd probably throw up from the anxiety of not knowing what to do. When I think about having sex, the embarrassment of being a first timer and being laughably terrible at it is enough to scare me away from even seriously trying.
Unfortunately, I am one of those needy people that really needs attention from the opposite sex. That might be where my low self confidence comes/came from in the first place, I kinda got ignored by girls in high school and it made me feel worthless. Again, I realize now that that's dumb. But I'd like to have a girlfriend...I really would. I'm much more focused on that than banging chicks. I just don't even know where to start. I know I missed a huge part of, like, my developmental phase in terms of dating/sex/etc. and I'm afraid that I'm so out of step with the whole thing that it could be insurmountable.
OK, guess it turned into a novel. Any thoughts? Suggestions? Make fun of me for being a loser?
But I guess my problem now is that I feel really out of step with how the whole dating/relationship/sex thing goes. I just have no experience. I'm at an age where everyone I know has had a girlfriend/boyfriend or two, has at least messed a couple people, but I just don't know how to approach any of it. It's very foreign to me.
To give an analogy, me (mostly) getting over my horrendously low self esteem is kind of like getting out of prison. My brain was locked up for, I don't know, 6 years or so, and while I'm glad to have my freedom, I don't know what the hell to do with it. I finally understand that I can have that type of worth to somebody, and there's potential, which in itself is a big step forward. But I don't know the first thing about relationships. If I took a girl on a date I'd probably throw up from the anxiety of not knowing what to do. When I think about having sex, the embarrassment of being a first timer and being laughably terrible at it is enough to scare me away from even seriously trying.
Unfortunately, I am one of those needy people that really needs attention from the opposite sex. That might be where my low self confidence comes/came from in the first place, I kinda got ignored by girls in high school and it made me feel worthless. Again, I realize now that that's dumb. But I'd like to have a girlfriend...I really would. I'm much more focused on that than banging chicks. I just don't even know where to start. I know I missed a huge part of, like, my developmental phase in terms of dating/sex/etc. and I'm afraid that I'm so out of step with the whole thing that it could be insurmountable.
OK, guess it turned into a novel. Any thoughts? Suggestions? Make fun of me for being a loser?