I don't know what to do...

[cms0622]

I just want to be happy. Is that really too much to ask? I’m tired of trying to perfect myself. I’m tired of waiting. I’m tired of trying to figure things out. I want to go on a date with someone. I want to be there for somebody. I want to talk for hours to that someone. I want to cuddle up with that someone and watch a movie and just forget about life. For that moment, just forget about work, forget about school, forget about the future. In that moment, the only thing I want to think about is how happy I am with that someone. I just want a relationship. I’m turning 21 in less than a month and I’ve never had anybody. I’ve gone three years in college and I’ve never had anybody.

I feel like sometimes I’m just too goddamn shy. I know I’m a good guy but I’m just shy. Shy and nervous. And it takes a long time to get to know me. And for me to be comfortable with someone I have to hang out with them a lot alone. But in this day and age, especially during college, everyone is just too busy. So it doesn’t work. And I’m just left here alone while everyone else around me is moving on with their lives.

So I don’t know what the hell to do. I don’t know if things will ever change.

 

[Solitary]

Hey there, cms0622.

I hope somewhere in my nonsensical post you will find something worth reading and maybe even remembering.

Wanting to be happy and to have relationships is good in itself. It shows that you still haven't resigned to the idea that you might not find happiness. As long as you keep wanting, you will be able to achieve it.

The main thing is to start doing something. Time won't change anything and the perfect person will not appear out of thin air. Shyness is a great obstacle which I also seem to have. But the main issue here, I believe, is that you kind of keep others away from you (because you said it takes a long time to get to know you) but yet you want them to become close to you. This contradiction is the root of all that is going in the wrong direction. Those people who you think are moving on with their lives, probably not all of them are so content and happy with what they've got. Appearances tend to deceive. What they do right, though, is that they keep meeting people even in the midst of all that business. Relationships need to start somewhere, and that somewhere is really not all that great. It takes time to get past that shallow phase into a deeper and more meaningful relationship. Right now I have only one or two persons with whom I can truly talk without all the social nonsense which comes when trying to engage in conversations with random people, which I don't do much. But if I had not started to exchange even meaningless conversations with those people, we might have not become closer.

Engage in chitchat, it is there for a reason. It gives us the opportunity to start this long process which might end up with a life-long friendship or even partnership/marriage. Right now I too have shut myself off from new people and just keep to my one or two solid friends. I can't do those things which you described with them, but they provide me with a necessary level of interaction, which for me is really not that high.

So if you want to ever reach that level which you have described, the main obstacle is your shyness and high standards from the beginning of the relationship. I don't have any advice with the former one because I too suffer from it to some extent, but the latter is easily fixable. It requires only a realization that all great friendships and partnerships start with seemingly meaningless activities and gradually grow into meaningful relationships. One must not rush progress and not expect it to be instant.

 

[cms0622]

Hey there, cms0622.

I hope somewhere in my nonsensical post you will find something worth reading and maybe even remembering.

Wanting to be happy and to have relationships is good in itself. It shows that you still haven't resigned to the idea that you might not find happiness. As long as you keep wanting, you will be able to achieve it.

The main thing is to start doing something. Time won't change anything and the perfect person will not appear out of thin air. Shyness is a great obstacle which I also seem to have. But the main issue here, I believe, is that you kind of keep others away from you (because you said it takes a long time to get to know you) but yet you want them to become close to you. This contradiction is the root of all that is going in the wrong direction. Those people who you think are moving on with their lives, probably not all of them are so content and happy with what they've got. Appearances tend to deceive. What they do right, though, is that they keep meeting people even in the midst of all that business. Relationships need to start somewhere, and that somewhere is really not all that great. It takes time to get past that shallow phase into a deeper and more meaningful relationship. Right now I have only one or two persons with whom I can truly talk without all the social nonsense which comes when trying to engage in conversations with random people, which I don't do much. But if I had not started to exchange even meaningless conversations with those people, we might have not become closer.

Engage in chitchat, it is there for a reason. It gives us the opportunity to start this long process which might end up with a life-long friendship or even partnership/marriage. Right now I too have shut myself off from new people and just keep to my one or two solid friends. I can't do those things which you described with them, but they provide me with a necessary level of interaction, which for me is really not that high.

So if you want to ever reach that level which you have described, the main obstacle is your shyness and high standards from the beginning of the relationship. I don't have any advice with the former one because I too suffer from it to some extent, but the latter is easily fixable. It requires only a realization that all great friendships and partnerships start with seemingly meaningless activities and gradually grow into meaningful relationships. One must not rush progress and not expect it to be instant.

Thank you, that actually helps a lot. It feels so good to finally be given some help on my problems.