Adrolak
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- Joined
- Dec 8, 2010
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Hey guys, well I've been really lonely these past few months and it's because no matter what I do, I can't even get a date, it's not fear of rejection, I don't mind that, it's just that not having a date to the school dances, the one date you ever even get leaving you the night before, plus getting rejected by 17 different girls over a span of 3 years just takes your toll on you.. There's also this girl that I really do love, I was heartbroken by her and I tried to just forget about that rejection but it hurt the most.. it doesn't help that I see her every day too, and she still talks to me, no matter how many times I've tried to just say screw it I'm moving on, it's no big deal, I'll get better then it'l just go back to being lonely. The thing is I'm not like ugly, mean, introverted, or anything like that, I'm funny, kind, caring, I have great friends, and a wonderful family, it's simply that this is the one thing leaving me empty inside, and it hurts like nothing you can even imagine. I'm not being obsessive over it or anything weird like that, but I just don't know what to even do, I'm thinking of just giving up entirely and learn to accept being lonely. I've written so much poetry about it, written so many rants, I don't know what to do anymore, I'll include some of it in this post..
WARNING SOME PROFANITY AHEAD!
Rant 1:
******* HELL! This feeling is horrendus, I can hardly describe the rushing torrent of emotions surging through me right now. I just realized that the one time, a few minutes may it have been, that i was happy with a girl, that I really enjoyed myself and forgot about everything else was a ******* lie! Looking into her eyes, being forgeting everything else, slowly dancing to the music, all a lie. All fake, the one thing I had to be happy of, to be proud of, to say yes, world, I have been happy with a girl, it IS possible, whatever is left if my shriveled ego is practically ******* dead now. All a ******* lie. I just don't know what to do, why am I so god forsaken lonely like this, everything else is great. The one thing I want I cannot have, the ONE THING, I would give up everything else just to live happily with a nice girl, I would give up all my money, possesions, to have a girl who i like and who accepts me for who I am, that is the one thing i truely want. All the tears pouring out from my eyes now, a final release, but still my heart aches, for the thing that eludes me still. I would give up absolutely everything for this, but nay, nay! Fate has seen fit to otherwise **** me to this personal hell that I living in, day after day I must toil in torment and wallow in my lonelieness. Pouring my heart out into these words has done something, but not much, however it has allieviated some of the pain for now, we'll see how long it stems the tide.
Rant 2: The lonelieness sets in my heart, my soul screams out in agony and torment as it's slowly wretched from it's bonds. Screaming and wreathing and clutching onto the last shreds of hope it still has, it finally looses it's thrall and sinks into the darkness forevermore. Laying there in the darkest depths, in total pain and complete distress it cries out for help, for a light, however to no avail, the fruits of it's efforts go unpayed. I wallow in pitty knowing that I have done nothing to deserve this, that that it shouldn't be so hard, however to matter how much I pry, claw, and try it never bears any fruit, no matter how passive I am no good ever comes. All that I want is this one simple thing, all that I need is this one thing, I would give anything and everything to have it, I would give up all my possessions to be with somebody, somebody who loves me. Why, why is it held in front of my face every day , so close yet so far. She's in my daily activities, I cannot escape my ever burning desire for a companion, no matter how much I try to put out the fire, the embers glow on forevermore. In my darkest hour I am left here alone, doubting myself, wonder what is so wrong with me that I cannot even get a single chance, pondering this question that pulls and tugs at my soul, relentlessly driving me mad slowly.
Poem 1:
Those eye’s
They search the room,
deep pools of brown
That put you into a trance
They are beautiful
Those eyes,
can swallow you whole
or make you bubble up with joy
They are stunning
Those eyes,
are the window into a soul,
one that is funny, beautiful, joyful, loving, and playful
They are angelic
Those eyes,
They put you into a stupor,
brown circles of beauty
they can knock you down and lift your soul up
They are magnificent
Her Eyes
And that's it for now, any thoughts would be great, thanks guys! BTW: no I'm not suicidal or anything like that!
WARNING SOME PROFANITY AHEAD!
Rant 1:
******* HELL! This feeling is horrendus, I can hardly describe the rushing torrent of emotions surging through me right now. I just realized that the one time, a few minutes may it have been, that i was happy with a girl, that I really enjoyed myself and forgot about everything else was a ******* lie! Looking into her eyes, being forgeting everything else, slowly dancing to the music, all a lie. All fake, the one thing I had to be happy of, to be proud of, to say yes, world, I have been happy with a girl, it IS possible, whatever is left if my shriveled ego is practically ******* dead now. All a ******* lie. I just don't know what to do, why am I so god forsaken lonely like this, everything else is great. The one thing I want I cannot have, the ONE THING, I would give up everything else just to live happily with a nice girl, I would give up all my money, possesions, to have a girl who i like and who accepts me for who I am, that is the one thing i truely want. All the tears pouring out from my eyes now, a final release, but still my heart aches, for the thing that eludes me still. I would give up absolutely everything for this, but nay, nay! Fate has seen fit to otherwise **** me to this personal hell that I living in, day after day I must toil in torment and wallow in my lonelieness. Pouring my heart out into these words has done something, but not much, however it has allieviated some of the pain for now, we'll see how long it stems the tide.
Rant 2: The lonelieness sets in my heart, my soul screams out in agony and torment as it's slowly wretched from it's bonds. Screaming and wreathing and clutching onto the last shreds of hope it still has, it finally looses it's thrall and sinks into the darkness forevermore. Laying there in the darkest depths, in total pain and complete distress it cries out for help, for a light, however to no avail, the fruits of it's efforts go unpayed. I wallow in pitty knowing that I have done nothing to deserve this, that that it shouldn't be so hard, however to matter how much I pry, claw, and try it never bears any fruit, no matter how passive I am no good ever comes. All that I want is this one simple thing, all that I need is this one thing, I would give anything and everything to have it, I would give up all my possessions to be with somebody, somebody who loves me. Why, why is it held in front of my face every day , so close yet so far. She's in my daily activities, I cannot escape my ever burning desire for a companion, no matter how much I try to put out the fire, the embers glow on forevermore. In my darkest hour I am left here alone, doubting myself, wonder what is so wrong with me that I cannot even get a single chance, pondering this question that pulls and tugs at my soul, relentlessly driving me mad slowly.
Poem 1:
Those eye’s
They search the room,
deep pools of brown
That put you into a trance
They are beautiful
Those eyes,
can swallow you whole
or make you bubble up with joy
They are stunning
Those eyes,
are the window into a soul,
one that is funny, beautiful, joyful, loving, and playful
They are angelic
Those eyes,
They put you into a stupor,
brown circles of beauty
they can knock you down and lift your soul up
They are magnificent
Her Eyes
And that's it for now, any thoughts would be great, thanks guys! BTW: no I'm not suicidal or anything like that!
