I feel like is missed my chance at life

[Badjedidude]

^^^Isn't that pretty much what I said?

Or were you referring to the OP's way of looking at things?

 

[Andre41]

I feel entirely the same way although, ironically, I have a child and hence "have a family" and having my son actually sent me into a tailspin of anxious loneliness that was always lurking beneath the surface. I'm 38--39 in a couple of weeks--and there is a horrible nagging feeling piled on top of the loneliness that is exacerbated by the "what ifs" and the "holy crap, I'd better find someone before the looks go and dementia starts to set in," etc. (Yes, my catastrophic thinking puts 39 at "just 'round the corner from senility"--ha!)

I didn't have a point when I started replying to your post--other than, "Yes, that's exactly how I feel!" But, as is usually the case, once I started typing, I see one: there are always things you could have done earlier and better. I got married to someone I didn't love and brought a child into the world all in a completely un-thought-out (perhaps even subconscious) plan to "not die alone." Well, here I am. Plan B?

I know the feeling. I have been with my partner for 21years now three children but we have stopped loving eachother well over 10years now, we are only together because of the children. We do not talk, we do not share the same intersts anymore. I FEEL LIKE PULLING MY HAIR OUT, ITS SO FUSTRATING. i BADLY NEED A LIFE. At 41 it seems that there is no future ahead

 

[iBreathe]

That depresses me.... isn't ANYone in love anymore? Seriously?
I would love to be in a relationship right now, but part of me is like... why even try when they always end, you know? Besides, I don't do relationships well so I've basically given up on that. It would just be nice to still have the belief that true love still exists... even if it's simply a 'pretty illusion'.

 

[TeaCup]

Wow, I thought I was the only person who felt this way AlbertaGuy. I am a 33 year old female, single, no kids, never been married and don't have my degree or a career really. This past Monday was my birthday and I tell you, I couldn't count the number of times I thought of killing myself in those two proceeding weeks of my birthday. Like you, I have not been in a relationship in a while (4 years) though i've had b/f or male acquaintances since then but no one that i've really loved the way I did the guy in my last relationship.

Anyway, initially when I read you're post about you saying that you missed your chance at life it made me realize that it isn't too late to make more of yourself. Wow, we are still fairly young people. Just think if you lived to be 65 and from now up until that point you keep saying that you missed your shot in life, IMAGINE....all of the things you could have acheived in that 31 year time span....you could start a new career and retire from it by then, have a couple of kids who'd make you a grandparent, completed college degrees and started careers of their own, paid off a mortgage, traveled the world...etc....you get the point. It is never too late and as a matter of fact we're at the point of our lives where we could start it all over and catch up to everyone of our friends in the process. Hope that puts things into perspective a little more for you. It sure did for me. Peace, Happiness and Blessings to You!!!

 

[Asterli]

Wow, I thought I was the only person who felt this way AlbertaGuy. I am a 33 year old female, single, no kids, never been married and don't have my degree or a career really. This past Monday was my birthday and I tell you, I couldn't count the number of times I thought of killing myself in those two proceeding weeks of my birthday. Like you, I have not been in a relationship in a while (4 years) though i've had b/f or male acquaintances since then but no one that i've really loved the way I did the guy in my last relationship.

Anyway, initially when I read you're post about you saying that you missed your chance at life it made me realize that it isn't too late to make more of yourself. Wow, we are still fairly young people. Just think if you lived to be 65 and from now up until that point you keep saying that you missed your shot in life, IMAGINE....all of the things you could have acheived in that 31 year time span....you could start a new career and retire from it by then, have a couple of kids who'd make you a grandparent, completed college degrees and started careers of their own, paid off a mortgage, traveled the world...etc....you get the point. It is never too late and as a matter of fact we're at the point of our lives where we could start it all over and catch up to everyone of our friends in the process. Hope that puts things into perspective a little more for you. It sure did for me. Peace, Happiness and Blessings to You!!!

I can only say that I fully agree with you TeaCup

 

[windowsill]

I'm 25 and lost the last 5 years of my life to agoraphobia and fear. It always hurts when I see young people partying and having fun, knowing I missed out on all of that. realistically, it's gonna take years to fix my psychological problems so I the rest of my 20's look bleek. Of course everyday is a new chance to get better, but starting everything from scratch is daunting.

 

[TeaCup]

I'm 25 and lost the last 5 years of my life to agoraphobia and fear. It always hurts when I see young people partying and having fun, knowing I missed out on all of that. realistically, it's gonna take years to fix my psychological problems so I the rest of my 20's look bleek. Of course everyday is a new chance to get better, but starting everything from scratch is daunting.

Missed out on that? When is it ever to young to party and have fun? It isn't. Also, you don't have to go out and "party" or get "wasted' to have fun although a drink (as in one) helps to loose and lighten you up a bit in stressfull social situations. You'd be amazed at how much fun you could have if you just took a chance and tried your hand at socializing with people. I have discovered that no matter who they are, there is always something that you have in common with just about anyone; a joke, a song, a movie, tv show, book, specific interest in a historical event or something, clothes, anything. As a matter of fact, you are socializing right now. You are relating with other people who share similar backgrounds, interests and obstacles that you do.

Don't set your self up for failure by saying it will take years for you to overcome your fears and phobias. You are only building a bigger, and higher barricade in your mind that will prevent you from ever living a life you love because those years that you say it will take you to overcome your fears and phobias will ultimately turn into the rest of your life. Do you want that? No, you don't. I don't want that for you either. You are way too precious for that. Did you know that biggest obstacles that you face in life are the ones that dwell inside your mind? Change your way of thinking and get out and take a chance because you never know the hidden treasures that you may find.

 

[Limlim]

Same situation here AlbertaGuy (heh I'm even from Alberta). I don't really want a relationship, I think... But I'm continually worried that I'm going to miss the boat so to speak if I keep up with this attitude I have. Socially it really starts to hurt since there are so many things you can't take part in if you aren't a couple. Even your friends who are couples don't really want you around, because they would rather hang out with... another couple!

Something seems very wrong with the idea of getting into a relationship just so you can have friends though. Does anyone have any idea why inviting the single guy along to events and get together is considered taboo? I know these people like me, but even I have the vibe of my presence being inappropriate among a room full of couples, or worse - ones with kids.

 

[AncientBard]

Why do we think we have to be like everyone else to be happy? I felt the same way at 29 and married because all my friends had families, I felt just like many of you do, like I was missing out on what everyone was supposed to have in life. If everyone has it and we're doing it, it must be the thing that brings a tranquil life I thought to myself. I felt like "LIFE WAS PASSING ME BY". Do you have a burning sensation to have children? Is that it, you want children desperately? Because if that desire is not there and I mean burning inside you in a way you know that you know that you know then why get married? Why do you need a piece of paper saying "I love this person" approved by uncle sam? You don't. No one does, it's just another stigmata of society that we accept because everyone else does it. Everyone does it because people don't think for themselves, we've been to conditioned not to.

Listen to what Andre41 Said in her post, she is in a relationship 20 years and she's lonely. If you've never been there.... It's a kind of loneliness I would wish on no one. It's horrible. I married for all the reasons this thread is about at 29 and proceeded to be more lonely within just a few years then I had ever been in my life. I think that some people are different then the main stream but it's hard to get to a place where one can understand that if their still living inside the main stream. Can I ask "who is it that makes theses rules"? Will all of us Lonely Souls really be happy if we are married or in a LTR? AT least straight people have the choice, many who aren't straight don't in to many places.

I hope none of you are ever lonely again, I loath it and I mean what I say in earnest. I'm sure we can all agree being lonely seriously sucks.

 

[lalala]

the chance never came, so nop i didn't miss my chance at life.

 

[rdp234]

Where there's life, there's hope. The only time there's no chance is when you're six feet under. Life is tough sometimes. You're not alone. Find meaning in who you are and make the best of things. Adversity builds character. Take pride in who you are. You'll be fine.

 

[jjam]

a beautiful path lies ahead