i feel like taking a baseball bat and smashing everything...but i sit here quietly.

[heretostay]

ive been having one of those weeks...shitty. i cry randomly, feel alone, and get pissed off easily. i dont know what it is, i have no idea what's causing it. its pretty frustrating. i go to bed pissed off, i wake up pissed off, and i try to think as little as possible to keep my self manageable. im trying to go to school but its getting hard to motivate myself to go to class, and even harder to study. i just want to crawl in bed, go to sleep, and never wake up. i like to stay up at night when everything is asleep. i hate being awake during the day. i dont know why i have these slumps. there's nothing wrong with my life- in fact most people would want my life. i have a good life. but im miserable all the same. i just dont want to be here and i get so tired of trying to change my own mind.

I dont know how to get out of this funk, but im sure it'll pass. ive lived through many of these depression cycles, but for some reason whenever i get in one, i just feel like there's no hope- that im going to hate my life forever. im going to have to go back into zombie mode during the day so i dont think about how ridiculous everything is, how utterly pointless all this effort is.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I get ya...

That's why I'm one those adreline junkie pople sometimes...
I just have the freaken eudge to break stuff sometims.
That's I used to crash my R/C models and watch it disintregrate.
People would ask me...Err wtf.. Y did you do that?

I have to release the fustrations, irrations, anger somehow without hurting myself
or anyone. I can't stuff my emotions either...that'll leave me depressed.

I write. I tallk to people. I play my guitar really freaken evil sounding.
errr..I broken to many guitrars...not good.
I used to take bottle and just break them...not as expensive.lol
Sometimes I'll just go for a run or jog.
I used to just get on my motor cycle and just ride like a mad man on the country side roads.

Err.when I was with my gf , I used to have sex with her 2-3 times a day.
It gets me back into my goffy retarded stage again...lmao

maybe you can find an outlit activity that you like...Maybe go to a batting range?

 

[PoWer2tHePeOpLE]

i havent been angry for a while now, just dont seem to have the energy for it.. aside from the odd fool that cant drive to save their life on the roads, which merely elicits a middle finger or the liberal use of the horn.. i dont really feel pissed off at anything lately. i just spilled a coffee on the artwork i'm working on.. dont care. earlier i fed my cats and seconds later one of them puked it all up even before they made it out of the kitchen.. this used to honeysuckle me.. but now, just dont care...

when i lived with someone, almost a year ago now, i used to be pretty angry then, but it was mostly due to unmet expectations.. now theyre gone.. no more expectations. other people still honeysuckle me here and there and the state of the world if i think about it for too long can get my heckles up.. but i just end up feeling exhausted at the end of it so i'm trying to avoid the horrors for now..

if you want to crawl into bed and sleep and forget about it all for a while.. do it. dont feel guilty about it just take your time.. you dont have to be 'doing' anything if you dont want to. maybe you do need sleep and lots of it..

i hear you on the 'pointlessness' of it all. sometimes i am overwhelmed by this feeling too, it can be so strong.. and then i have to feed the cats and change the litter box and feed myself and clean my crapshack.. there is always the 'basics' to do just to get by.. no matter how low i am and what kind of a rut i am in it is just these basics that i do (on automatic-pilot sometimes) just to keep it all moving along..

i dont know what the point is.. many have their theories.. but i am determined to make it to the end.. **** it!

disappearing in a good book works for me.

 

[heretostay]

maybe you can find an outlit activity that you like...Maybe go to a batting range?

ya, i dont have any way of releasing my anger. it just bottles up in me. i was going running but its been raining for five days straight. and anyway, i feel too tired to workout lately. i am feeling better today, though.

i wish i could have sex 2-3x's a day. unfortunately my H only wants it about once a week

i hear you on the 'pointlessness' of it all. sometimes i am overwhelmed by this feeling too, it can be so strong.. and then i have to feed the cats and change the litter box and feed myself and clean my crapshack.. there is always the 'basics' to do just to get by.. no matter how low i am and what kind of a rut i am in it is just these basics that i do (on automatic-pilot sometimes) just to keep it all moving along..

i dont know what the point is.. many have their theories.. but i am determined to make it to the end.. **** it!

disappearing in a good book works for me.

i think the pointlessness of it all is what gets me the most. i do have to live on auto pilot for the most part otherwise i get too depressed. i dont like to call it depressed though- i like to think of it as recognizing reality. but i guess shrinks want to call it depressed and make it seem like im the one that doesnt 'get it' when really i think they're the ones that are delusional and dont get it. Frued once said that depressed people have the best grasp on reality, he just didnt understand why it made them depressed.

 

[PoisonFlowers]

i think the pointlessness of it all is what gets me the most. i do have to live on auto pilot for the most part otherwise i get too depressed. i dont like to call it depressed though- i like to think of it as recognizing reality. but i guess shrinks want to call it depressed and make it seem like im the one that doesnt 'get it' when really i think they're the ones that are delusional and dont get it. Frued once said that depressed people have the best grasp on reality, he just didnt understand why it made them depressed.

He really said that? Interesting. Sometimes I think that too, other days, I wonder if it's me with the skewed sense of reality. Either way, it doesn't matter. It's not going to change the way things are. You can either take it or leave it.

Anyway, I understand what you mean. I just want to smash stuff up and destroy it all, laughing and feeling much better, but onviously I just sit there feeling like crap. I'm sorry you're feeling in such a funk. I'm in the same position so I can't offer much unfortunately

 

[SophiaGrace]

Frued once said that depressed people have the best grasp on reality, he just didnt understand why it made them depressed.

Well this is ironic

 

[heretostay]

i think the pointlessness of it all is what gets me the most. i do have to live on auto pilot for the most part otherwise i get too depressed. i dont like to call it depressed though- i like to think of it as recognizing reality. but i guess shrinks want to call it depressed and make it seem like im the one that doesnt 'get it' when really i think they're the ones that are delusional and dont get it. Frued once said that depressed people have the best grasp on reality, he just didnt understand why it made them depressed.

He really said that? Interesting. Sometimes I think that too, other days, I wonder if it's me with the skewed sense of reality. Either way, it doesn't matter. It's not going to change the way things are. You can either take it or leave it.

Anyway, I understand what you mean. I just want to smash stuff up and destroy it all, laughing and feeling much better, but onviously I just sit there feeling like crap. I'm sorry you're feeling in such a funk. I'm in the same position so I can't offer much unfortunately

I read that about Frued in Dr. Phil's book, Relationship Rescue. Kind of funny. dr. phil thinks its a load of crap, but when i read that, that Freud didnt understand why understanding the pointlessness of it all would make us depressed, i felt so relieved. it was so nice to know someone didnt think i was nuts- someone actually thought i understood. and then it was interesting to me that Frued thought it shouldnt depress me. i think its the first time i realized that not everyone would be depressed about life being pointless. but ya, according to dr. phil that's what freud said.

I know what you mean when you say that either way it doesnt matter. that's so true. b/c even if life is pointless, i still hate being miserable, and since im not going to kill myself, its pointless to dwell on the pointlessness. lol. Hence the auto-pilot. some days though it just gets to me no matter what maneuvers i try.