UsernameNumber9999
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- Joined
- Aug 31, 2012
- Messages
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Sigh well...here goes. I feel like the loneliest person on the planet sometimes. I'm a 22 year old male and I've never been in a relationship. I've never held hands with a girl, I've never kissed a girl, I've never done anything with a girl, I've never even been kissed on the cheek. The most I ever got was a hug and I was told I'm cute. I wouldn't consider myself to be ugly. I am 6'1, I weight 170 lbs and I'm often complimented on my eyes (I have one brown eye and one green eye). Let's start with a brief history (not so brief lol). In the 4th grade there was a girl named Kelsie. I thought she incredibly cute and I had a huge crush on her. Well, one day I decided I wanted to tell her I had a crush on her. It turns out that was a grave mistake, because after I told her, I was teased at school by what seemed like everyone. I was hurt so bad I didn't try again until the 7th grade, where I had a mad crush on a girl named Sarah. Except the only problem was my face was hideously grotesque due to my teenage acne, like REALLY bad acne. Because of my pimple problem, I felt extremely insecure and just wanted to hide from everyone. But for some reason this pretty girl named Sarah always wanted to talk to me, and get to know me. Sarah was the kind of girl that went out with the popular guys, because why wouldn't you if you have the looks?
She told me she broke up with her bf one day and told me briefly about the whole situation. Well, maybe 2 or 3 weeks later my friend came to me and said "do you like Sarah?" I wasn't sure if this was a prank or not, so I just told him "no." Well, it turns out that was probably a huge mistake because after that incident she never really talked to me again. Anyway, onto the 9th grade. I moved during my freshman year at high-school and had some really embarrassing honeysuckle happen to me, so embarrassing I don't want to repeat it, but let's just say it involves puke and sex ed LOL! Anyway, I had a crush on another girl in the 9th grade, but this time I made the mistake of wanting to hang out with her and her friends. Well, I hated being around them, I had nothing in common with them and I felt as if they looked down on me and wondered why I was there to begin with. So after a few weeks I said "fuckit", I would rather hang out by myself than with these people, and I did for the rest of the year.
Alright, now onto the 10th grade! There was a girl named Allison who always followed me around
. She was VERY cute and short as well. At this time I was still an awkward teen. Well, we had class together, and she used to push her desk right next to mine, brush imaginary specs off my shirt and all that. For some reason it never worked out with her. I don't know if it was because I was so socially awkward I couldn't take the next step and just ask her out, or if it was because our conversations were quite frankly....annoying. Oh yeah the weather is fantastic today.....great....she had nothing in common with me. Anyway, still in the 10th grade, I was receiving what I thought were major signals from an extremely cute Filipino girl named Nicole. We had P.E. class together and she was very flirty, it could just be that she's that way with everyone. Well, she asked me to hang out with her at lunch one day. God **** that was ******* awkward. I won't go into the details but it seemed like her popular friends were saying to themselves, "who the fresia is this?"
Later that year she went out with some guy, I don't know his name. But he is what I would call a ******. I don't know how to describe his clothing, but he was nothing to look at, he always wore sunglasses, was bald, had a very red neck all the time, and constantly made fun of what everyone else wore as they passed by him during the lunch break. I had classes with him and he always bragged to the other guys "I'm gonna get me some tonight." I always wondered what she saw in him, because he was such a ****** and she was such a nice girl. They broke up that same year (I think) and then got back together...and then I'm pretty sure they broke up again.
Again in the 10th grade, there was another girl named Sarah, very tall and attractive. She gave me some signals in P.E. (it's always P.E. class lol) that she liked me, but I never made a move because she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend was pretty **** fat and he treated her for granted. He was nothing to look at, I remember Sarah's friend said she "threw up in her mouth" when they kissed. I wouldn't have a problem with him but he insisted on being cocky about his attractive girlfriend and thought he was cool because he was with her. Onto the 11th grade now! There was a girl named Crystal. She was amazingly attractive and I had a crush on her, even though I had never spoken to her. Well, throughout that whole year I constantly received mixed signals from her. One day I would try talking to her in class and she would completely ignore me, the other day she would come and sit on my desk during break o.0...She used to give me a wide smile and a hello as she passed me on her way to class. I always thought, "maybe she's just being nice because we have classes together." She's what I would consider somewhat popular, and she had a decent sized group of friends she hung out with. I never asked to hang out with her because A. I didn't know her very well and B. Because I didn't know her friends and didn't want to create another awkward 9th grade situation.
Anyway, I graduated from high school and I never went to Prom and never got a girlfriend. Then, my first semester in college I took a Tennis class. The first day I noticed this dark haired girl kept staring at me. A few weeks went by and it seemed like she was interested in me, but there was no way to really tell. Well, one day after class she ran after me and we talked for a while (oddly enough I can't remember the conversation at all) and she said I was cute. Immediately I said, "well I think you're cute too" and when I said that we hugged for a couple minutes. I think we hugged a couple more times after class, can't remember. Anyway, on the last day of class I took my test and I was the first person done. I turned it in, walked out the door and was on my way home. I then realized the horrible mistake I just made and said to myself "honeysuckle!, what am I doing?! I forgot to say goodbye!" So I went back to the classroom and no one was there. I tried looking for her online and couldn't find her anywhere.
Well, my next semester I had class with Allison again. She told her friend "isn't he like Edward form twilight" and we both paused and said "no" at the same time. Allison definitely put on a few pounds since the last time we talked. At this point in my life, I stopped caring about trying to get a girlfriend. I knew that I missed my chance in Tennis class and I thought to myself that I would never have that chance again. Since the Tennis incident I've been kind of a mute at college. Where I'm at, everyone at this college are mutes anyway, unless they know a friend in class. Well, as I've mentioned several times before, I used to feel extremely shy and introverted. But now...for some inexplicable reason I've never felt so confident in my entire life. I don't have many friends or anything, and most of them are online. But for the first time in my life my skin is completely clear, I'm wearing clothes that actually fit me well, and every time I see myself in the mirror I think I'm attractive. I'm not photogenic at all but I know I'm decent looking. I went out to a Star Bucks with a friend and these 3 girls were laughing and glancing at me. I just assumed they were laughing at me (idk why) so I paid no attention to them. My friend told me that they were amazed when I walked in. She said they were aggressively checking me out the whole time I was there. On my way out I saw them, all 3 of them were looking at me and smiling, and oh my gosh they were so cute. Unfortunately I never talked to them, and I doubt I will ever see any of them again.
I'm still going to school and I'm not the awkward mumbling teen I was in high school anymore. But I'm still having difficulty approaching people and talking to them, especially attractive girls. Anyway, I really needed to get that off my chest. I'm a different person than I was in High School. I'm still somewhat introverted, but I'm able to communicate well with others and carry on a conversation, whereas my old self would've just mumbled out a few lines. I've browsed this website for a couple days and noticed that there are some here in their 30s, 40s and even older and still single. My intention is not sound offensive but I don't want to be that guy that's still alone in his 30s. I don't want to be alone my entire life and I really want to know what it feels like to cuddle with someone, to hold hands with someone, to kiss someone, to love someone and to be loved in return. But at the same time I want to experience these things with the right person.
She told me she broke up with her bf one day and told me briefly about the whole situation. Well, maybe 2 or 3 weeks later my friend came to me and said "do you like Sarah?" I wasn't sure if this was a prank or not, so I just told him "no." Well, it turns out that was probably a huge mistake because after that incident she never really talked to me again. Anyway, onto the 9th grade. I moved during my freshman year at high-school and had some really embarrassing honeysuckle happen to me, so embarrassing I don't want to repeat it, but let's just say it involves puke and sex ed LOL! Anyway, I had a crush on another girl in the 9th grade, but this time I made the mistake of wanting to hang out with her and her friends. Well, I hated being around them, I had nothing in common with them and I felt as if they looked down on me and wondered why I was there to begin with. So after a few weeks I said "fuckit", I would rather hang out by myself than with these people, and I did for the rest of the year.
Alright, now onto the 10th grade! There was a girl named Allison who always followed me around
. She was VERY cute and short as well. At this time I was still an awkward teen. Well, we had class together, and she used to push her desk right next to mine, brush imaginary specs off my shirt and all that. For some reason it never worked out with her. I don't know if it was because I was so socially awkward I couldn't take the next step and just ask her out, or if it was because our conversations were quite frankly....annoying. Oh yeah the weather is fantastic today.....great....she had nothing in common with me. Anyway, still in the 10th grade, I was receiving what I thought were major signals from an extremely cute Filipino girl named Nicole. We had P.E. class together and she was very flirty, it could just be that she's that way with everyone. Well, she asked me to hang out with her at lunch one day. God **** that was ******* awkward. I won't go into the details but it seemed like her popular friends were saying to themselves, "who the fresia is this?" Later that year she went out with some guy, I don't know his name. But he is what I would call a ******. I don't know how to describe his clothing, but he was nothing to look at, he always wore sunglasses, was bald, had a very red neck all the time, and constantly made fun of what everyone else wore as they passed by him during the lunch break. I had classes with him and he always bragged to the other guys "I'm gonna get me some tonight." I always wondered what she saw in him, because he was such a ****** and she was such a nice girl. They broke up that same year (I think) and then got back together...and then I'm pretty sure they broke up again.
Again in the 10th grade, there was another girl named Sarah, very tall and attractive. She gave me some signals in P.E. (it's always P.E. class lol) that she liked me, but I never made a move because she had a boyfriend. Her boyfriend was pretty **** fat and he treated her for granted. He was nothing to look at, I remember Sarah's friend said she "threw up in her mouth" when they kissed. I wouldn't have a problem with him but he insisted on being cocky about his attractive girlfriend and thought he was cool because he was with her. Onto the 11th grade now! There was a girl named Crystal. She was amazingly attractive and I had a crush on her, even though I had never spoken to her. Well, throughout that whole year I constantly received mixed signals from her. One day I would try talking to her in class and she would completely ignore me, the other day she would come and sit on my desk during break o.0...She used to give me a wide smile and a hello as she passed me on her way to class. I always thought, "maybe she's just being nice because we have classes together." She's what I would consider somewhat popular, and she had a decent sized group of friends she hung out with. I never asked to hang out with her because A. I didn't know her very well and B. Because I didn't know her friends and didn't want to create another awkward 9th grade situation.
Anyway, I graduated from high school and I never went to Prom and never got a girlfriend. Then, my first semester in college I took a Tennis class. The first day I noticed this dark haired girl kept staring at me. A few weeks went by and it seemed like she was interested in me, but there was no way to really tell. Well, one day after class she ran after me and we talked for a while (oddly enough I can't remember the conversation at all) and she said I was cute. Immediately I said, "well I think you're cute too" and when I said that we hugged for a couple minutes. I think we hugged a couple more times after class, can't remember. Anyway, on the last day of class I took my test and I was the first person done. I turned it in, walked out the door and was on my way home. I then realized the horrible mistake I just made and said to myself "honeysuckle!, what am I doing?! I forgot to say goodbye!" So I went back to the classroom and no one was there. I tried looking for her online and couldn't find her anywhere.
Well, my next semester I had class with Allison again. She told her friend "isn't he like Edward form twilight" and we both paused and said "no" at the same time. Allison definitely put on a few pounds since the last time we talked. At this point in my life, I stopped caring about trying to get a girlfriend. I knew that I missed my chance in Tennis class and I thought to myself that I would never have that chance again. Since the Tennis incident I've been kind of a mute at college. Where I'm at, everyone at this college are mutes anyway, unless they know a friend in class. Well, as I've mentioned several times before, I used to feel extremely shy and introverted. But now...for some inexplicable reason I've never felt so confident in my entire life. I don't have many friends or anything, and most of them are online. But for the first time in my life my skin is completely clear, I'm wearing clothes that actually fit me well, and every time I see myself in the mirror I think I'm attractive. I'm not photogenic at all but I know I'm decent looking. I went out to a Star Bucks with a friend and these 3 girls were laughing and glancing at me. I just assumed they were laughing at me (idk why) so I paid no attention to them. My friend told me that they were amazed when I walked in. She said they were aggressively checking me out the whole time I was there. On my way out I saw them, all 3 of them were looking at me and smiling, and oh my gosh they were so cute. Unfortunately I never talked to them, and I doubt I will ever see any of them again.
I'm still going to school and I'm not the awkward mumbling teen I was in high school anymore. But I'm still having difficulty approaching people and talking to them, especially attractive girls. Anyway, I really needed to get that off my chest. I'm a different person than I was in High School. I'm still somewhat introverted, but I'm able to communicate well with others and carry on a conversation, whereas my old self would've just mumbled out a few lines. I've browsed this website for a couple days and noticed that there are some here in their 30s, 40s and even older and still single. My intention is not sound offensive but I don't want to be that guy that's still alone in his 30s. I don't want to be alone my entire life and I really want to know what it feels like to cuddle with someone, to hold hands with someone, to kiss someone, to love someone and to be loved in return. But at the same time I want to experience these things with the right person.
