lovableplatypus
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- Joined
- Oct 11, 2014
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I've dealt with depression for all my life but it got bad in my early teen years. Now I am 26, barely any friends. I think I've developed a problem with alcohol too. I have a job so at least I can pay my bills. But I have some debt too from the time I was unemployed. Money causes me a lot of issues. And people are like "now that you have a job I hope you are saving all that money!! ". But I have nothing left of my salary to save because of all the regular bills, my pets medical bills and my dental bills. (yes, my teeth are awful. but at least I have managed to start going to the dentist!) It's just annoying how ignorant people are and expect me to save a lot of money.
Those people who I have around me are really pushy, what I mean it's always abotu them. I just feel people live like 10000% their lives, pour their troubles on me and move on, and I'm left with NOTHING but their problems in my head and my own unshared feelings. I cant talk about my problems and just end up being the one people throw their problems at.
I'm just so annoyed with myself too. I'm very insecure and people sense it. Most people don't seem to like insecure people. I always wished I had something to distract myself from this reality. That's when I feel less insecure. What I mean is whenever I have something really important on my mind I don't care about others. That's when I feel good. This happens very rarely. I just wish I could distract myself from this reality so I didn't have to face anyone with my boring self. I don't know how people do it, how are they so confident. Why do I have to feel like this, so insecure and sad? And why have I felt so inferior all my life? Seriously, all my life. **** it is depressing.
I don't know if this makes any sense. So many different topics in this post. It's just a random rant I guess. I feel so bad all the time. I know alcohol makes it even worse but quitting drinking won't solve my problems (though I have zero arguments why keep drinking either). All these depressed thoughts and feelings of being inferior come from early childhood, it's something that's travelled with me all my life every day every second. I really don't know how I can keep going on.
Those people who I have around me are really pushy, what I mean it's always abotu them. I just feel people live like 10000% their lives, pour their troubles on me and move on, and I'm left with NOTHING but their problems in my head and my own unshared feelings. I cant talk about my problems and just end up being the one people throw their problems at.
I'm just so annoyed with myself too. I'm very insecure and people sense it. Most people don't seem to like insecure people. I always wished I had something to distract myself from this reality. That's when I feel less insecure. What I mean is whenever I have something really important on my mind I don't care about others. That's when I feel good. This happens very rarely. I just wish I could distract myself from this reality so I didn't have to face anyone with my boring self. I don't know how people do it, how are they so confident. Why do I have to feel like this, so insecure and sad? And why have I felt so inferior all my life? Seriously, all my life. **** it is depressing.
I don't know if this makes any sense. So many different topics in this post. It's just a random rant I guess. I feel so bad all the time. I know alcohol makes it even worse but quitting drinking won't solve my problems (though I have zero arguments why keep drinking either). All these depressed thoughts and feelings of being inferior come from early childhood, it's something that's travelled with me all my life every day every second. I really don't know how I can keep going on.