D
Dulcinea
Guest
Hello everybody,
I am Dulcinea, female, 32 years old and I live in Romania. So please excuse my possible mistakes, both grammatical and semantical, as English is not my first language.
I found this site yesterday while I was surfing the Internet after a week of depression and despair. As far as I can see, people here are mostly from the US, the UK or Canada but I've found so many stories and emotions similar to mine that I've been crying following them. It is so sad to see how loneliness is so widespread and how sufferance is universal.
I've been a loner since I was aware of my existence. I remember when I was a child how I was looking at the other children playing, being so joyful and fond of life while I was sitting in a corner. Living in shyness is like living with a guilt without being guilty of anything. I grew up and I tried hard to overcome this. Partially I succeeded; I am still an introvert but not exactly asocial or at least I've been working hard on it. Yet my true nature has been haunting me all the time like a ghost. In difficult moments, I had to bear the burden of being alive on my own. I screwed up some things, I lost my job two times and I divorced once in my early 20's. After that I was lonely for almost 6 years.
Two years ago, I believed that fate was finally kind with me when I met a man who transformed my life. His love was the reason to believe for a moment that I can be a normal person, to forget the past and to start a new life. But recently he announced me that he didn't love me anymore, that it was time to move on and his decision was irreversible.
It is sad to feel miserable for a lifetime, but you feel thousands of times more miserable when you had once the hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel and suddenly you are deprived by it. It's like living in darkness, being exposed to the sunlight for a moment and after that you find out that it was just a illusion, a hallucination.
So here I am in my gloomy and lonely world again. It's been more that a week since I refused to go out because I cannot stand any human voice or human face. The Christmas and new year's eve when everybody celebrates the togetherness were hellish. I've lost interest in anything and I am frightened to go back at work by the end of the holidays. I'm on the point of losing everything again. It seems that the gods punished me for daring to hope that I could have a different fate. They showed me that my destiny is sealed and this destiny is called "loneliness".
I am Dulcinea, female, 32 years old and I live in Romania. So please excuse my possible mistakes, both grammatical and semantical, as English is not my first language.
I found this site yesterday while I was surfing the Internet after a week of depression and despair. As far as I can see, people here are mostly from the US, the UK or Canada but I've found so many stories and emotions similar to mine that I've been crying following them. It is so sad to see how loneliness is so widespread and how sufferance is universal.
I've been a loner since I was aware of my existence. I remember when I was a child how I was looking at the other children playing, being so joyful and fond of life while I was sitting in a corner. Living in shyness is like living with a guilt without being guilty of anything. I grew up and I tried hard to overcome this. Partially I succeeded; I am still an introvert but not exactly asocial or at least I've been working hard on it. Yet my true nature has been haunting me all the time like a ghost. In difficult moments, I had to bear the burden of being alive on my own. I screwed up some things, I lost my job two times and I divorced once in my early 20's. After that I was lonely for almost 6 years.
Two years ago, I believed that fate was finally kind with me when I met a man who transformed my life. His love was the reason to believe for a moment that I can be a normal person, to forget the past and to start a new life. But recently he announced me that he didn't love me anymore, that it was time to move on and his decision was irreversible.
It is sad to feel miserable for a lifetime, but you feel thousands of times more miserable when you had once the hope to see the light at the end of the tunnel and suddenly you are deprived by it. It's like living in darkness, being exposed to the sunlight for a moment and after that you find out that it was just a illusion, a hallucination.
So here I am in my gloomy and lonely world again. It's been more that a week since I refused to go out because I cannot stand any human voice or human face. The Christmas and new year's eve when everybody celebrates the togetherness were hellish. I've lost interest in anything and I am frightened to go back at work by the end of the holidays. I'm on the point of losing everything again. It seems that the gods punished me for daring to hope that I could have a different fate. They showed me that my destiny is sealed and this destiny is called "loneliness".
