Josh said:
Today I had my first day off in a long time where I had nothing at all had to do I just sat around in my underwear all day messing around on my computer. I thought it was going to be a great day since I haven't had a full day off like this in weeks. I should be enjoying my free time but I am not. I figure between school, work and my internship I put in around 70 hours a week. I think if I didn't do this though I would go crazy with free time. Kind sad how most people would kill for some free time in my sitation but I have nothing at all better to do.
I understand all to well what you feel. I too have had sometimes entire days when I, at last, could be able to rest, and unfortunately just couldn't think of anything worthwhile to do. The worst about it is that I work, when in school, almost constantly, and struggle to have free time... only to, when that time has arrive, panick at the idea of what to do.
I've thought quite extensively about it, and here are a few solutions I came up with :
- Perhaps the root of the problem is expecting too much of that free time. As if the one day or one week could be the polar opposite to a very depressing day or week . I think that if we expect too much of our free time, we end up, even inconsciously, feeling guitlty of
not having had enough fun.
Working, obviously, acts as a sleeping pill for loneliness and sadness : when my mind is set on something to do, I temporarily am forced to forget some of my problems (I guess I am a "workaholic").
- Loneliness and depression have a way of making absolutely everything seem bleak. I often don't find any amusement at all at activities that are normaly my hobbies.
Why ? Being alone already cuts us off vast numbers of fun things to do, like talking to friends, girl/boy friends, wives/husbands, etc... Being alone I have found is unfortunately not being able to discover unexpected new ideas, projects, feelings. When I have free time and no one to talk to about it, I only feel lonelier.
By contamination things I usually find fun feel too repetitive ; and thus, I'm even more bored.
- A simple but efficient way to fight against this has been (I know it sounds stupid, but it has worked for me) to, when I'm in a better mood, make a long list of all the fun things I could do... stuff I'd probably not think of on a bad day.
The other solution is to dare something new, even if the outcome is negative. I very often start to write poems I know I'll never end, a perspective I know will sadden me, but by writing some of them I achieve some sort of satisfaction. Likewise, daring to read something different, to go somewhere else, to speak to somebody with different ideas, can, I've found, prove to be helpful.
