I have been alone for 10 years. Effects.

[NewOrder2016]

I am going to talk about the effects of loneliness that had on me, and then I am going to let you say what you think.

I was alone since the age of 23 and 33 (I have turned 33 recently). I had no friends since that time. I didnt even realize that I entered a long stage of loneliness.

Since a young age, I didnt value relationships. I thought I could manage without them and they are unimportant, and even a waste of time and energy. I focused my energy on studying, working and hobbies (like watching movies, playing games and reading books). Video games played a good role in my loneliness, because they were like a painkiller or a drug relief. A session of a video gameplay would kill all loneliness or isolation that I felt.

What I feel today is this:

* Difficulty in forming relationships because I am a social inept.

* No memories of good things that happened. When you are a loner everyday is similar to the last so you cant remember what you did exactly when.
In my teens and beforehand, I had quite happy memories of the few people that I met.. even if they werent perfect.

* Sadness and lower value of life. 

* Bad body language. 

* Eccentric personality.


My advice is that, you shouldnt adapt a lonely life unless you really have to. Talk to people around you, even if they dont seem special. Develop superior social skills daily...

 

[Luri]

Yeah...i understand you very well. Sometimes i say that being lonely is better but i know that i am just lying myself

 

[constant stranger]

No memories of good things; socially inept; sadness and lower value of one's life; bad body language and seemingly eccentric personality.
And all this results from a decade of social isolation.....is that right?
OMG. OMG. OMG. that could be the story of my life too. Except I'm older and was alone longer.

OK look, if we don't improve our social lives somehow then there's never gonna be any good memories ever and the honeysuckle factor of our lives wins. Unacceptable.

If you figure out any answers let me know, OK?
Good luck to us both.

 

[NewOrder2016]

No memories of good things; socially inept; sadness and lower value of one's life; bad body language and seemingly eccentric personality.
And all this results from a decade of social isolation.....is that right?
OMG.  OMG.  OMG.   that could be the story of my life too.  Except I'm older and was alone longer.

OK look, if we don't improve our social lives somehow then there's never gonna be any good memories ever and the honeysuckle factor of our lives wins.  Unacceptable.

If you figure out any answers let me know, OK?
Good luck to us both.

Yeah, good luck to us..
Lets hope we get out of our jails.

 

[Aldeb]

What games do you play? Old ones? I also played video games young, but now that I think about it, I should have rather played outdoors with the other kids than being a gamer dork all by myself

As far as the other stuff, I'm late 20s ish myself and socially inept with 1 friend and 3 family members. The thing that I do to change that, which was hard initially, was to start working out, stop being fat, start feeling good about yourself, stop being a weak b. Positivity, which naturally follows from feeling good about yourself, comes with it. I make some money with my hobby (working on 3d art for games) and i'm putting 10 grand together to buy me a house in a small village. I live in eastern europe where homes are fairly cheap, and with that money you could buy a pretty large brick house in a small 500-1000 people village. I lived in both small towns and very large ones, and find that people in smaller towns or villages are much more friendlier, more open to talking to you about anything (even if the two of you are complete strangers) and the kids aren't as moronically glued to their phones.

 

[user 139760]

I've been lonely for a decade too. Well, not quite true, SINGLE for a decade or so. Lonely for far, far longer than that.
Only people who's company I value or look for honestly is my daughters and my parents. Besides that, I think it's a huge waste of time. Ordinarily I wouldn't, if 99% of people I ended up meeting in my life weren't utter pricks or pains in the asses, be it male, female or other.
Like anything else, I don't feel loneliness or the feeling of it in itself changes you. I think it's how you view it that changes you. I had an eccentric personality (if you can call that eccentric, I call it "not crazy" and most of the rest of the world is off their rockers) well before it, difficulties in forming relationships not because I'm inept, but people are idiots, like you I have very good memories of the good people I met, mostly bad memories of the ones I was forced to endure, so it's not exactly a plus, bad body langage, pfff, beats me and sadness and lowered value of life? Not really. Not insomuch that I can't bear to stand it anyhow.
So I think it's how you view it matters a lot more than the it in itself. And when you find people that really matter, people that are special and that care, they'll stick around despite the fact they think you're an eccentric or have difficulty forming relations. If anything else, they'll appreciate YOU more than others, because you don't try to be like others, you're yourself and you don't "take no honeysuckle". You don't pretend to conform. I think that's a good quality.

For example, friend of mine lives in New York, I've never seen him face to face; I think he's COMPLETELY off his rocker lol. Keeps spouting some governement control conspiracy horseshit, led by Angels and decided by God and what not. I won't comment on his beliefs because he's free to have whatever caca he wants, but I think it'S a bit looney. Yet I LOVE the guy. Could listen talk to him about for hours, because he'S passionnate about it, he's got a unique personality I've never met elsewhere and he'S FUN to talk to. He's special. That's all that matters in the end. Maybe you've just been meeting the wrong people, the few you've met. I find those people matter a lot more than those spend 5 hours talking about themselves and what kind of makeup they like.

"kids aren't as moronically glued to their phones." Don't get me started on that one. I think it's a lot more a part of the problem than people think. It's killing everyone's ability to not be socially akward. Kids will be screwed up someday. I actually banned mine from cell phones. When my daughters ask me "But how am I going to talk to my friends?" I reply "You'll go see them and TALK to them". My oldest now is actually thanking me for it and hates cells too. Nothing more insulting than talking to someone and him or her popping open a cell phone and texting for 15 minutes in your face, I usually leave.

 

[NewOrder2016]

What games do you play? Old ones? I also played video games young, but now that I think about it, I should have rather played outdoors with the other kids than being a gamer dork all by myself

As far as the other stuff, I'm late 20s ish myself and socially inept with 1 friend and 3 family members. The thing that I do to change that, which was hard initially, was to start working out, stop being fat, start feeling good about yourself, stop being a weak b. Positivity, which naturally follows from feeling good about yourself, comes with it. I make some money with my hobby (working on 3d art for games) and i'm putting 10 grand together to buy me a house in a small village. I live in eastern europe where homes are fairly cheap, and with that money you could buy a pretty large brick house in a small 500-1000 people village. I lived in both small towns and very large ones, and find that people in smaller towns or villages are much more friendlier, more open to talking to you about anything (even if the two of you are complete strangers) and the kids aren't as moronically glued to their phones.

I played the new ones mostly. I started as a social gamer first, till 15... then came back at age of 23 as a lone gamer.. Today, I play a little bit. I play Civilization galactic.. and look forward to play paradox games. I love planning and strategy.
Research Calisthenics.. it is good for fat reduction and doesnt require much time.

Small settlements are tough to build relationships in. I used to grow up in a tiny town.. there are no places you could go during the day or night to socialize.. I have no idea how people form relationships there.. 


About the last post. 
Yeah, I know what you mean. I met very few people who are mature and smart. I worked as a programmer and a hacker, and have a degree from a top uni. I wish people were more open to more intelligent and interesting conversations. But most people prefer not.. and have a dumbed down conversation that is based on some poor facts and humor that is rarely funny. 
I wish I had some special friend, someone who I was very similar to. I wish I could relocate to America,.. I hate israeli culture.

About the phones. I think it is a good piece of technology. I use it to read some cosmology and other popular science books, learn russian, search for jobs, keep track of my workout programs and keep some notes. If you get a girls number, you could message her easily.. and they are less reluctant to give you their number to simply chat
When I was a teen, I had sony ericsson phone that had a small screen being capable to display black and white output. Some people had ipods. And the game that everyone had was called 'Snake'. This day generation has smartphones, which allows them to download many interesting and useful apps, as well as keep in touch with friends. - You shouldnt ban your daughters from using the phones.. otherwise they will be lonely too

 

[HorseLatitudes]

Ive been lonely for about 6 years since I dropped out from highschool and some stuff you say are very true

Talking in general becomes a job, sometimes when I go out and some neighbour greets me passing by I just find hard to even reply, my voice just sounds like a very low toned growl, I have to practice to talk properly

I would also add

*unhealthy habbits like smoking, sedentarism, poor higiene
*melancholy taking over your daily life
*health problems like scoliosis and heart problems plus a very weak body
*eccentric taste in everything, from music to porn, weirdo level

 

[marques34]

I've been lonely mosrly all of my life. I have friends at work, but that's it. I don't have anyone to hang out with and zero friends. As for girlfriends, they don't last long. I am very bitter, resentful, and angry. All I've ever dreamed about was having a girlfriend. In my life they only lasts a few months and it leaves me sad. I know having a girlfriend is not the key of happiness, but I've wanted for a long time and I hate sleeping alone.

I'm not making excuses, but having ADD and being obese, with a serious case of manboobs doesn't help. I've been called slow, stupid, and everything else you can think of. I'm so awkward and have little people skills. I watch a lot of TV and daydream constantly.

 

[NewOrder2016]

I've been lonely mosrly all of my life. I have friends at work, but that's it. I don't have anyone to hang out with and zero friends. As for girlfriends, they don't last long. I am very bitter, resentful, and angry. All I've ever dreamed about was having a girlfriend. In my life they only lasts a few months and it leaves me sad. I know having a girlfriend is not the key of happiness, but I've wanted for a long time and I hate sleeping alone.

I'm not making excuses, but having ADD and being obese, with a serious case of manboobs doesn't help. I've been called slow, stupid, and everything else you can think of. I'm so awkward and have little people skills. I watch a lot of TV and daydream constantly.

I actually think a girl can get me out my situation and I dream of the right one. 

There was a girl that I met called Molly, she was so attractive and good hearted when I met her. Sometimes, I day dream being with a girl that would give me a peace of mind.. a peace of mind that I crave for and I really pessimist about achieving it.

I think we need to take things step-by-step and get out of our bad situation. May be start with forums and pass to more challenging environments with time.

 

[user 139760]

What games do you play? Old ones? I also played video games young, but now that I think about it, I should have rather played outdoors with the other kids than being a gamer dork all by myself

As far as the other stuff, I'm late 20s ish myself and socially inept with 1 friend and 3 family members. The thing that I do to change that, which was hard initially, was to start working out, stop being fat, start feeling good about yourself, stop being a weak b. Positivity, which naturally follows from feeling good about yourself, comes with it. I make some money with my hobby (working on 3d art for games) and i'm putting 10 grand together to buy me a house in a small village. I live in eastern europe where homes are fairly cheap, and with that money you could buy a pretty large brick house in a small 500-1000 people village. I lived in both small towns and very large ones, and find that people in smaller towns or villages are much more friendlier, more open to talking to you about anything (even if the two of you are complete strangers) and the kids aren't as moronically glued to their phones.

I played the new ones mostly. I started as a social gamer first, till 15... then came back at age of 23 as a lone gamer.. Today, I play a little bit. I play Civilization galactic.. and look forward to play paradox games. I love planning and strategy.
Research Calisthenics.. it is good for fat reduction and doesnt require much time.

Small settlements are tough to build relationships in. I used to grow up in a tiny town.. there are no places you could go during the day or night to socialize.. I have no idea how people form relationships there.. 


About the last post. 
Yeah, I know what you mean. I met very few people who are mature and smart. I worked as a programmer and a hacker, and have a degree from a top uni. I wish people were more open to more intelligent and interesting conversations. But most people prefer not.. and have a dumbed down conversation that is based on some poor facts and humor that is rarely funny. 
I wish I had some special friend, someone who I was very similar to. I wish I could relocate to America,.. I hate israeli culture.

About the phones. I think it is a good piece of technology. I use it to read some cosmology and other popular science books, learn russian, search for jobs, keep track of my workout programs and keep some notes. If you get a girls number, you could message her easily.. and they are less reluctant to give you their number to simply chat
When I was a teen, I had sony ericsson phone that had a small screen being capable to display black and white output. Some people had ipods. And the game that everyone had was called 'Snake'. This day generation has smartphones, which allows them to download many interesting and useful apps, as well as keep in touch with friends. - You shouldnt ban your daughters from using the phones.. otherwise they will be lonely too

Nope. Oldest is actually thanking me for it.
The artificiality of today's connected world is having profound effect on the attitudes, aptitudes and social behaviors of the population, the level of which will not fully be known for years to come. I'd rather make the impression of the importance of actual, tangible relationships, even if fewer, rather than the stupidity of online ones which, in essence, are rather empty. I banned them from it when they were kids, my 14 year old is getting older, she has the choice now, what am I suppose to do? But she chose the agree with me and gets mad at her friends for the same reason I get mad at mine; cellphones.
People have forgotten how it is to live and would die if you removed their cellphones. In my book, it's called an addiction.
Only reason I'd need a cellphone is if I could pull a Watchdog and hack with it. Couple of hundred thousand and I'd be set for life.

 

[NewOrder2016]

What games do you play? Old ones? I also played video games young, but now that I think about it, I should have rather played outdoors with the other kids than being a gamer dork all by myself

As far as the other stuff, I'm late 20s ish myself and socially inept with 1 friend and 3 family members. The thing that I do to change that, which was hard initially, was to start working out, stop being fat, start feeling good about yourself, stop being a weak b. Positivity, which naturally follows from feeling good about yourself, comes with it. I make some money with my hobby (working on 3d art for games) and i'm putting 10 grand together to buy me a house in a small village. I live in eastern europe where homes are fairly cheap, and with that money you could buy a pretty large brick house in a small 500-1000 people village. I lived in both small towns and very large ones, and find that people in smaller towns or villages are much more friendlier, more open to talking to you about anything (even if the two of you are complete strangers) and the kids aren't as moronically glued to their phones.

I played the new ones mostly. I started as a social gamer first, till 15... then came back at age of 23 as a lone gamer.. Today, I play a little bit. I play Civilization galactic.. and look forward to play paradox games. I love planning and strategy.
Research Calisthenics.. it is good for fat reduction and doesnt require much time.

Small settlements are tough to build relationships in. I used to grow up in a tiny town.. there are no places you could go during the day or night to socialize.. I have no idea how people form relationships there.. 


About the last post. 
Yeah, I know what you mean. I met very few people who are mature and smart. I worked as a programmer and a hacker, and have a degree from a top uni. I wish people were more open to more intelligent and interesting conversations. But most people prefer not.. and have a dumbed down conversation that is based on some poor facts and humor that is rarely funny. 
I wish I had some special friend, someone who I was very similar to. I wish I could relocate to America,.. I hate israeli culture.

About the phones. I think it is a good piece of technology. I use it to read some cosmology and other popular science books, learn russian, search for jobs, keep track of my workout programs and keep some notes. If you get a girls number, you could message her easily.. and they are less reluctant to give you their number to simply chat
When I was a teen, I had sony ericsson phone that had a small screen being capable to display black and white output. Some people had ipods. And the game that everyone had was called 'Snake'. This day generation has smartphones, which allows them to download many interesting and useful apps, as well as keep in touch with friends. - You shouldnt ban your daughters from using the phones.. otherwise they will be lonely too

Nope. Oldest is actually thanking me for it.
The artificiality of today's connected world is having profound effect on the attitudes, aptitudes and social behaviors of the population, the level of which will not fully be known for years to come. I'd rather make the impression of the importance of actual, tangible relationships, even if fewer, rather than the stupidity of online ones which, in essence, are rather empty. I banned them from it when they were kids, my 14 year old is getting older, she has the choice now, what am I suppose to do? But she chose the agree with me and gets mad at her friends for the same reason I get mad at mine; cellphones.
People have forgotten how it is to live and would die if you removed their cellphones. In my book, it's called an addiction.
Only reason I'd need a cellphone is if I could pull a Watchdog and hack with it. Couple of hundred thousand and I'd be set for life.

Thats a shame, because you could give them a phone with good apps on them (e.g. eductional or productive) and use an lock by an applocking app to lock the apps that you perceive harmful/useless.

 

[InSearchOfPeople]

NewOrder2016,

all your points about effects are totally on point.

I feel so awkward when interacting with most people (body language wise). I recently noticed that it is hard for me to keep an eye contact, which wasn't there before lonely period for about 3-4 years.

I got some friends now. I kept trying. But still often I feel like I am avoiding actual physical meeting or even a phone call, and substitute it all with a few messages. As if I am sabotaging my relationships. 

I listened today to Tony Robbins about self sabotage. After so many bad experiences, my brain decided that having friends is painful (they betray, they lie, the abandon you, they take your boyfriend, they steal from you, they are jealous of you, they don't wish you well in general and etc.)

Just never lose hope, keep trying. 33 is very young, especially for a man.

 

[Hoarse Whisperer]

I feel like I've forgotten how normal people date and exist in early relationships. I was with one person for over half a decade, and while I have had minor flings since then, I really haven't relearned how to just ask somebody out to socialize and get to know them. Compounding the issue is that all of the guys that I've talked to since my relationship ended have been mostly interested in finding a girl for sexual reasons, and they assume that I'm of a similar mindset.

Look, sex is great, but what I really miss is having somebody in my arms that I care about. As weird as it sounds, it's the devotion and companionship that I find myself thinking about at night, not the sexual excitement. The best friend that I have in this state sometimes wants to go to bars to meet girls, and invites me along (you know, despite the fact that he HAS a girlfriend, but that's none of my business), and it really just isn't for me anymore.

It has been a few years since I've been involved in a serious relationship with actual dating, and I'm not sure I know how to get back there again. Not to be melodramatic, but I am the lost sheep.