Tolkien-Fan
New member
- Joined
- Jan 20, 2013
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First of all, due to reasons ill later talk about, im posting this with my phone so i apologize for bad grammar and punctuation.
Hi everyone. This is my first time posting in here. Since months ago ( around middle 2012) i started to feel sadder than usual and sometimes peaking saddness in the night until i get very depressed and started to cry alone. However they used to be quite rare, but since time passed they got more common until i get depressed almost eveynight. Sometimes I randomly feel very lonely in day, even around my family.
I have always been a shy person. Over All my life I had just 2 friends ( not even close). I can only talk normally with my family. When in a group of people i get very nervous and i get the feeling everyone is looking at me as if they want to hurt me. I cant bear standing in a crowd of people and i usually run off to somewhere i could be alone. In many break times, the obly thing i do is stay on the toilet and do nothing because being in a social situation is the most stressful thing for me.
At least i can Say a few words to men, but talking to women is impossible for me unless the need is very great. If a girl approaches me, i start to get the feeling of being watched and if she says ask me something, i just stand there like an idiot.
I never had a girlfriend. I suppose I dont look that bad, but I am the perfect example of insecurenes. Due to this, i get very lonely and sometimes cry.
Talking of looks, im not fat, i usually am extremely clean and well dressed, but many times i think i look horrible. When i was 9 i asked my mother if i was handsome. She answered "Uhhh... Well... All mothers consider their son handsome" and she left. I realized that she didnt want to tell me i was ugly. Last year I was in vacation and i was in the hotel room wih my mother and grandma. I told granma that we couldnt go to the pool because it was completely full of girls. My granma answered that i could go the pool and flirt with them since i looked good. My mother startd giggling when she said i was good looking. Since that dat, i got evn more insecure. Heck even my mother thinks im ugly.
Speaking of family i never had any sort of trouble. It is a good family.
Now back to the topic. I feel extremely shy around people. I hate having social interaction but then i wish i had more. Since i have no one to talk to, around in december i unconciously created 2 imaginary People in my head. I hate it. These 2 thoughts are always nEgative and they get constantly and insult myself, until i run away from anyone so they dont see me as a weirdo that spontaneously cries.
In school I am the best student sincE i dont have nothing social to do. I ended last year with a 100% but when summer holidays came i thought to myself now what? I have no one to talk or share. I will just sit in my computer. Then one of the imaginary people added "because you are a looser with no friends. No one cares about you. You gonna sit in your chair and play computer games. Everyone has a girlfriend but you are lame" i said that it was too much and stopped playing games. I started to look around the internet a place in where i could get help and not laughed at. I liked this place and lurked around since december, but i never had th guts to post or use my computer because I was scared that somebody will find me looking and posting on here. I only read with phone at night, but i finally dared to post.
So that is my story. I have nobody to talk to. I cannot talk to people; specially women. Whenever i try to I surdenly loose courage and keep walking. My family is oblivious to this. Whenever i come back from school, sometimes they asked me if i hang out wih someone. I usually answer that i have a big group of friends. I cant keep living on with lies. What even depresses me more is that every classmate of mine has a stable relationship for years. They have somone to love but i dont. I am the odd one out
But then i always wanted a girlfirend so i could. BE loved by some other person, but for some reason i never fall in love. Never. I do not understand this.
In where i live there is nothig to do. It is a small developing wolrd city. I stay in my house because there is nowhere interesting to go.
Another thing that i consoder curious is that i do not like anything. I am extremely apathetic to everything, except tolkien books. It is the only thing i like. Unforunately, none cares or even hates tolkien. In music, i like classical, but everyone else hates it.
and before anyone suggest telliga few stories, i have none. Nothing happens to me. I dont get invited to anything. I only have some bad stories from my travels and if i told them people will think im bragging. And if I couldnt get more different, i am german and i live in south america so everyone looks at me like some novelty animal. I get even more lonely and depressed.
The only thing i do during the day is to post in forums, just so i can discuss something with other people. Nothing else. Long Ago i made a facEbook but no one wanted to add me as a friend. In october i got invited to my first party ever. My mother thougt rhat it was a joke. When i got in there i left under an hour because i couldnt stand it. People made bets if i would come and treated me as a novelty. During this time, a girl asked me to dance. I could barely say yes. On thr dancefloor i wass to nervous i just stood while she danced. Everyone couldnt belive and the whole pqrty went to see me. When she stopped i coudnt stand it that everyone was talking about it and i ran back home. I had only one birhday party and then my mother paid people so they would come. This memories still haunt me and make me feel like a looser and act as insult fuel for the 2 imaginary voices. I had never talked about this before. I just keep telling lies. Therapists are more useless than the us congress. I have noone to talk to and who will understand.
If i had forgotEn to say it, i am 15 malE. And i eat healthy.
Hi everyone. This is my first time posting in here. Since months ago ( around middle 2012) i started to feel sadder than usual and sometimes peaking saddness in the night until i get very depressed and started to cry alone. However they used to be quite rare, but since time passed they got more common until i get depressed almost eveynight. Sometimes I randomly feel very lonely in day, even around my family.
I have always been a shy person. Over All my life I had just 2 friends ( not even close). I can only talk normally with my family. When in a group of people i get very nervous and i get the feeling everyone is looking at me as if they want to hurt me. I cant bear standing in a crowd of people and i usually run off to somewhere i could be alone. In many break times, the obly thing i do is stay on the toilet and do nothing because being in a social situation is the most stressful thing for me.
At least i can Say a few words to men, but talking to women is impossible for me unless the need is very great. If a girl approaches me, i start to get the feeling of being watched and if she says ask me something, i just stand there like an idiot.
I never had a girlfriend. I suppose I dont look that bad, but I am the perfect example of insecurenes. Due to this, i get very lonely and sometimes cry.
Talking of looks, im not fat, i usually am extremely clean and well dressed, but many times i think i look horrible. When i was 9 i asked my mother if i was handsome. She answered "Uhhh... Well... All mothers consider their son handsome" and she left. I realized that she didnt want to tell me i was ugly. Last year I was in vacation and i was in the hotel room wih my mother and grandma. I told granma that we couldnt go to the pool because it was completely full of girls. My granma answered that i could go the pool and flirt with them since i looked good. My mother startd giggling when she said i was good looking. Since that dat, i got evn more insecure. Heck even my mother thinks im ugly.
Speaking of family i never had any sort of trouble. It is a good family.
Now back to the topic. I feel extremely shy around people. I hate having social interaction but then i wish i had more. Since i have no one to talk to, around in december i unconciously created 2 imaginary People in my head. I hate it. These 2 thoughts are always nEgative and they get constantly and insult myself, until i run away from anyone so they dont see me as a weirdo that spontaneously cries.
In school I am the best student sincE i dont have nothing social to do. I ended last year with a 100% but when summer holidays came i thought to myself now what? I have no one to talk or share. I will just sit in my computer. Then one of the imaginary people added "because you are a looser with no friends. No one cares about you. You gonna sit in your chair and play computer games. Everyone has a girlfriend but you are lame" i said that it was too much and stopped playing games. I started to look around the internet a place in where i could get help and not laughed at. I liked this place and lurked around since december, but i never had th guts to post or use my computer because I was scared that somebody will find me looking and posting on here. I only read with phone at night, but i finally dared to post.
So that is my story. I have nobody to talk to. I cannot talk to people; specially women. Whenever i try to I surdenly loose courage and keep walking. My family is oblivious to this. Whenever i come back from school, sometimes they asked me if i hang out wih someone. I usually answer that i have a big group of friends. I cant keep living on with lies. What even depresses me more is that every classmate of mine has a stable relationship for years. They have somone to love but i dont. I am the odd one out
But then i always wanted a girlfirend so i could. BE loved by some other person, but for some reason i never fall in love. Never. I do not understand this.
In where i live there is nothig to do. It is a small developing wolrd city. I stay in my house because there is nowhere interesting to go.
Another thing that i consoder curious is that i do not like anything. I am extremely apathetic to everything, except tolkien books. It is the only thing i like. Unforunately, none cares or even hates tolkien. In music, i like classical, but everyone else hates it.
and before anyone suggest telliga few stories, i have none. Nothing happens to me. I dont get invited to anything. I only have some bad stories from my travels and if i told them people will think im bragging. And if I couldnt get more different, i am german and i live in south america so everyone looks at me like some novelty animal. I get even more lonely and depressed.
The only thing i do during the day is to post in forums, just so i can discuss something with other people. Nothing else. Long Ago i made a facEbook but no one wanted to add me as a friend. In october i got invited to my first party ever. My mother thougt rhat it was a joke. When i got in there i left under an hour because i couldnt stand it. People made bets if i would come and treated me as a novelty. During this time, a girl asked me to dance. I could barely say yes. On thr dancefloor i wass to nervous i just stood while she danced. Everyone couldnt belive and the whole pqrty went to see me. When she stopped i coudnt stand it that everyone was talking about it and i ran back home. I had only one birhday party and then my mother paid people so they would come. This memories still haunt me and make me feel like a looser and act as insult fuel for the 2 imaginary voices. I had never talked about this before. I just keep telling lies. Therapists are more useless than the us congress. I have noone to talk to and who will understand.
If i had forgotEn to say it, i am 15 malE. And i eat healthy.