I have learnt something.

[Retrospective81]

Never open up to the majority of people about your problems. A lot of people these days would rather not hear about your problems.

Remember the Muslim girl from Singapore I told some of you about recently/ Guess what? she deleted me and blocked me too. I made the wrong decision in talking to her about my problems and now, she ha gone. Just like a very good friend I had here.

Although some of you who may read this and don't respond will probably understand why. I just keep making the same mistakes. cant even make friends anyone or have a friendship with anyone. The trouble with me is that I'm too honest and open about my feelings.

My guess is what people just don't want to know you unless you stay positive (fake or genuine positivity) and you keep the conversations light.

I'm just forever stuck in this rut. The anger issues have gone but the problems still remain :\ history just forever repeats itself :\

 

[Triple Bogey]

Never open up to the majority of people about your problems. A lot of people these days would rather not hear about your problems.

Remember the Muslim girl from Singapore I told some of you about recently/ Guess what? she deleted me and blocked me too. I made the wrong decision in talking to her about my problems and now, she ha gone. Just like a very good friend I had here.

Although some of you who may read this and don't respond will probably understand why. I just keep making the same mistakes. cant even make friends anyone or have a friendship with anyone. The trouble with me is that I'm too honest and open about my feelings.

My guess is what people just don't want to know you unless you stay positive (fake or genuine positivity) and you keep the conversations light.

I'm just forever stuck in this rut. The anger issues have gone but the problems still remain :\ history just forever repeats itself :\

Stuff like that happens to everybody. Just move on. Don't take to heart.

This woman at work who is really chatty with me joined facebook so I sent a friends request. After a few days it become obvious she didn't accept mine while accepting everybody else from work. On Saturday I mentioned it, just said 'I see you've joined facebook' - she said she had but was very carefull accepting friends requests because she has a young son. She said she would add me, I told her not to bother.

I could have taken great offense at that. Just what the fresia was she saying about me ? But I just shrugged if off and thought 'your loss'

you have to do that, you need the thick skin of an elephant to get anywhere these days !

 

[Retrospective81]

Never open up to the majority of people about your problems. A lot of people these days would rather not hear about your problems.

Remember the Muslim girl from Singapore I told some of you about recently/ Guess what? she deleted me and blocked me too. I made the wrong decision in talking to her about my problems and now, she ha gone. Just like a very good friend I had here.

Although some of you who may read this and don't respond will probably understand why. I just keep making the same mistakes. cant even make friends anyone or have a friendship with anyone. The trouble with me is that I'm too honest and open about my feelings.

My guess is what people just don't want to know you unless you stay positive (fake or genuine positivity) and you keep the conversations light.

I'm just forever stuck in this rut. The anger issues have gone but the problems still remain :\ history just forever repeats itself :\

Stuff like that happens to everybody. Just move on. Don't take to heart.

This woman at work who is really chatty with me joined facebook so I sent a friends request. After a few days it become obvious she didn't accept mine while accepting everybody else from work. On Saturday I mentioned it, just said 'I see you've joined facebook' - she said she had but was very carefull accepting friends requests because she has a young son. She said she would add me, I told her not to bother.

I could have taken great offense at that. Just what the fresia was she saying about me ? But I just shrugged if off and thought 'your loss'

you have to do that, you need the thick skin of an elephant to get anywhere these days !

That's the same treatment I got when I was on facebook triple regarding people I've met! yeah that's not actually saying anything good! seems to be she is a judgemental and yore better off ignoring her altogether. Yes some days my skin is really thick and other days I have a few das of overwhelming loneliness and isolation tbh.

 

[Seeker]

As I have said in another post, people don't want to hear anyone else's problems, but are somehow always eager to load you up with their own. Friendships in today's world are gradually getting so shallow and "small-talky" that we will eventually get to the point where only psychologists will listen to our problems, and that only because they are getting paid for it (it is already happening but i expect it to get worse in the next few years).

 

[Retrospective81]

As I have said in another post, people don't want to hear anyone else's problems, but are somehow always eager to load you up with their own. Friendships in today's world are gradually getting so shallow and "small-talky" that we will eventually get to the point where only psychologists will listen to our problems, and that only because they are getting paid for it (it is already happening but i expect it to get worse in the next few years).

You know what? that synopsis/prediction is full of despair but also very true. I admire you for having the courage to tell it like it is

 

[Wookz]

Remember the Muslim girl from Singapore I told some of you about recently/ Guess what? she deleted me and blocked me too. I made the wrong decision in talking to her about my problems and now, she ha gone. Just like a very good friend I had here.

I haven't read your post about that girl, but I think if she deletes you for that reason that she isn't a kind girl at all. I am sure a kind girl that you know wouldn't have done that.

 

[Seeker]

As I have said in another post, people don't want to hear anyone else's problems, but are somehow always eager to load you up with their own. Friendships in today's world are gradually getting so shallow and "small-talky" that we will eventually get to the point where only psychologists will listen to our problems, and that only because they are getting paid for it (it is already happening but i expect it to get worse in the next few years).

You know what? that synopsis/prediction is full of despair but also very true. I admire you for having the courage to tell it like it is

Trust me I'm a very positive person in general, but a realist to the extreme as well, so I ain't gonna sit in my happy corner and pretend that this planet is not going down the drain with each day that passes.

I'm glad that I at least made you laugh though, you look like you needed some cheering.

 

[Rosebolt]

You keep making the same mistakes because you're not learning from them. You say your anger problems are gone, yet you resort to bad mouthing this girl. Don't say you're not. It is like you have 100 hands for a total of 500 fingers, all pointing in some random direction, but none is pointing at you.

Society sucks. People have become this. This girl that.

No. You are part of society. You seem to have become the same kind of person that you dislike so much. But no, it's all societies fault. Really?

I dare you, i double dare you, to take 1 day to complete shut yourself from the outside world, and focus purely on yourself. Focus purely on what you can improve on yourself. You can only change others by changing others.

If it's really, and truly, your goal to just be with other people, then i suggest buying some books on social contact. But i guarantee you that you will find that doing that will not fulfill that which you miss. Only you can do that. It's time to wake up and see that.

 

[licorice]

As I have said in another post, people don't want to hear anyone else's problems, but are somehow always eager to load you up with their own. Friendships in today's world are gradually getting so shallow and "small-talky" that we will eventually get to the point where only psychologists will listen to our problems, and that only because they are getting paid for it (it is already happening but i expect it to get worse in the next few years).

I've seen a big difference between strangers, acquaintances, friends, and close friends when it comes to willingness. I don't think it's unreasonable for people who aren't at least somewhat close to not want to deal with each other's problems, since everyone is trying to shoulder troubles of their own. I think there are also people who simply don't have much empathy or concern for anything in a friendship that isn't their personal benefit. There are a lot of ways for things to go wrong.

After spending a day studying, working a job where I deal with people's problems, dealing with my own problems, and dealing with my loved ones' problems, I want to come home, turn on the TV, put in a pizza, and kick back with some innocent chat about technology or entertainment if I talk to anyone at all. Maybe there's enough energy left for an emergency, but often what people want isn't an emergency at all. Occasionally there are strangers who approach me for no reason other than someone to unload on.

There just isn't enough left sometimes, and I think that may be the case for many. I can only imagine how used-up parents trying to raise and feed a bunch of kids in this economy are at the end of a day.

 

[EveWasFramed]

There just isn't enough left sometimes, and I think that may be the case for many. I can only imagine how used-up parents trying to raise and feed a bunch of kids in this economy are at the end of a day.

^^ This.
At times, it's all I can do to simply get the kid to school, myself to work, pick up the kid, feed us, do homework and then get everything ready to start the next day all over again. I deal with people's "issues" at work all day long - I only have so much that I can deal with on any given day and by the time I get on line in the evening, my mind is pretty much MUSH. It's likely the reason I don't have but a couple of people that I correspond with here on the forum and even then, it's only MAYBE one PM a week (if that). I used to have so many people that I tried to keep up with and keep in touch with until it all overwhelmed me so badly that I had to come to a full stop. Between work, child and family, I had nothing left of myself to give anymore. Often, you really don't know what others are going through and to burden them with your own troubles (and on a constant basis) can overwhelm them to the point that they simply cut contact because they cant deal with anything else.
I probably almost lost the most wonderful friendship I ever had because I didn't realize that I was burdening them way to much with my personal crap. Yeah, it felt great to unload and have someone to talk to, but I learned an important lesson. If I want to get help or vent to someone on a regular basis, Im going to find a good therapist.
If I want to have a shoulder to cry one ONCE IN A WHILE, I'll seek out friends. I've learned that good friends don't over-burden others with their crap.
Just remember that whatever you might be going through, the person on the other side of your monitor might being going through just as much, if not more, stuff than you are and can't handle anything else. People usually have good self-preservation instincts and will cut and run it if means surviving emotionally.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

Yeah, I definitely don't overburden people with my problems. That's why I come to forums like these: to vent. I don't talk about it offline.

The one time I broke that rule, it damaged the friendship. So I've learned that people want you to put on a positive front; the depressing thoughts have to go to your therapist, or a third party.

 

[Batman55]

You keep making the same mistakes because you're not learning from them. You say your anger problems are gone, yet you resort to bad mouthing this girl. Don't say you're not. It is like you have 100 hands for a total of 500 fingers, all pointing in some random direction, but none is pointing at you.

Society sucks. People have become this. This girl that.

No. You are part of society. You seem to have become the same kind of person that you dislike so much. But no, it's all societies fault. Really?

I dare you, i double dare you, to take 1 day to complete shut yourself from the outside world, and focus purely on yourself. Focus purely on what you can improve on yourself. You can only change others by changing others.

If it's really, and truly, your goal to just be with other people, then i suggest buying some books on social contact. But i guarantee you that you will find that doing that will not fulfill that which you miss. Only you can do that. It's time to wake up and see that.

People will talk about their difficulties with others and become frustrated. I dare you to not react negatively to someone who all of a sudden blocks and deletes you, or some friend who suddenly ignores you completely. We're all human, both those who treat us poorly and those of us reacting to it.

 

[LeaningIntoTheMuse]

^ Well said, Batman.

 

[Batman55]

Time for +1, in that case

 

[ardour]

Stuff like that happens to everybody. Just move on. Don't take to heart.

This woman at work who is really chatty with me joined facebook so I sent a friends request. After a few days it become obvious she didn't accept mine while accepting everybody else from work. On Saturday I mentioned it, just said 'I see you've joined facebook' - she said she had but was very carefull accepting friends requests because she has a young son. She said she would add me, I told her not to bother.

I could have taken great offense at that. Just what the fresia was she saying about me ? But I just shrugged if off and thought 'your loss'

you have to do that, you need the thick skin of an elephant to get anywhere these days !

I've had friend requests left pending for ages with people who were otherwise friendly towards me, while friending mutual acquaintances of ours. In the end I just cancelled them and didn't bother with them any longer. Had a friend from school delete and block me recently for no apparent reason; absolutely no contact for 3 years and the last time we spoke he initiated, sent a message saying how "good it is to be back in touch".

Some people are neurotic, have issues of their own, there's no point obsessing over it.

 

[MTrip]

Seeker & EvewasFramed both make good points. I might also add the basic fact that most humans are selfish, shortsighted creatures who, when it comes to the choice between being ethical toward everyone equally & only caring about those within their particular tribe, will choose the 2nd option every time. True friends that you can depend on are rare gems indeed; don't expect to find too many. When you do find one, treat him/her well, for real friends are worth keeping.

 

[Rainbows]

There are a few people that I talk to on a semi-daily basis. Perhaps a week. So I think that you can share your problems with your friends, but like the others said you need to find the good ones and well, you know, you should be able to trust them too.

Also, don't mind the Facebook thing. It's just Facebook, really. The social site where everybody tells the world when they are going to take a dump. (hehe)

 

[Triple Bogey]

Stuff like that happens to everybody. Just move on. Don't take to heart.

This woman at work who is really chatty with me joined facebook so I sent a friends request. After a few days it become obvious she didn't accept mine while accepting everybody else from work. On Saturday I mentioned it, just said 'I see you've joined facebook' - she said she had but was very carefull accepting friends requests because she has a young son. She said she would add me, I told her not to bother.

I could have taken great offense at that. Just what the fresia was she saying about me ? But I just shrugged if off and thought 'your loss'

you have to do that, you need the thick skin of an elephant to get anywhere these days !

I've had friend requests left pending for ages with people who were otherwise friendly towards me, while friending other mutual acquaintances. In the end I just cancelled them. Had a friend from school delete and block me recently for no apparent reason; absolutely no contact for 3 years and the last time we spoke he initiated, sent a message saying how "good it is to be back in touch".

Some people are neurotic, have issues of their own, there's no point obsessing over it.

I only have 24 friends on facebook, most of them do keep in touch and I have no problems with any of them. I don't get any friends requests at all.

 

[Locke]

You keep making the same mistakes because you're not learning from them. You say your anger problems are gone, yet you resort to bad mouthing this girl. Don't say you're not. It is like you have 100 hands for a total of 500 fingers, all pointing in some random direction, but none is pointing at you.

Society sucks. People have become this. This girl that.

No. You are part of society. You seem to have become the same kind of person that you dislike so much. But no, it's all societies fault. Really?

I dare you, i double dare you, to take 1 day to complete shut yourself from the outside world, and focus purely on yourself. Focus purely on what you can improve on yourself. You can only change others by changing others.

If it's really, and truly, your goal to just be with other people, then i suggest buying some books on social contact. But i guarantee you that you will find that doing that will not fulfill that which you miss. Only you can do that. It's time to wake up and see that.

People will talk about their difficulties with others and become frustrated. I dare you to not react negatively to someone who all of a sudden blocks and deletes you, or some friend who suddenly ignores you completely. We're all human, both those who treat us poorly and those of us reacting to it.

+1, Batman. Well said.

People need a shoulder to cry on sometimes, and friends are supposed to be there for each other. It has nothing to do with finding happiness within yourself. You can be happy with who you are and still need a friend. I am always there for my friends when they need me, because I want to help in any way I can. And I'm glad that they are there for me.

You are apparently fine without having a friend to lean on, Sai, which is good for you I guess. But at the same time your challenge to Retro is meaningless. Anyone could shut the world out completely for one day and concentrate on how they can improve themselves. There are few people however who could go years with no one to talk to, and no friendly voice to tell them they'll be okay. Gaining an outside perspective is important, it's how we learn from each other.

And bad mouthing the girl? Maybe he is. So what. He feels hurt, and he's ranting. That is completely natural and healthy. Much healthier than bottling his emotions up (which is how anger problems can start). As long as he doesn't speak ill of her constantly and become obsessed, I don't see a problem with it.

I can't be sure that Retro is working on himself, but since he seems much less angry and hostile than he used to be, I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He seems to have found a good balance. Being honest is a good thing on your part Sai, and I'm glad you are willing to advise him and others so often. But I hope you realize that you wouldn't have had the opportunity to try and help him if he had not come here ranting. People should be there for each other, just as you are here for Retro in this thread.

Retro, I'm sorry things didn't work out with the girl. Maybe she felt it was best to stop talking to you since you couldn't be together. Don't give up on yourself or other people though.

 

[Retrospective81]

You keep making the same mistakes because you're not learning from them. You say your anger problems are gone, yet you resort to bad mouthing this girl. Don't say you're not. It is like you have 100 hands for a total of 500 fingers, all pointing in some random direction, but none is pointing at you.

Society sucks. People have become this. This girl that.

No. You are part of society. You seem to have become the same kind of person that you dislike so much. But no, it's all societies fault. Really?

I dare you, i double dare you, to take 1 day to complete shut yourself from the outside world, and focus purely on yourself. Focus purely on what you can improve on yourself. You can only change others by changing others.

If it's really, and truly, your goal to just be with other people, then i suggest buying some books on social contact. But i guarantee you that you will find that doing that will not fulfill that which you miss. Only you can do that. It's time to wake up and see that.

You know Sai, I'm not even going to be defensive here like I would've done in the past. Ill hold my hand up and ADMIT I am indeed making the same mistakes and playing 'the blame game'.

I'm going tot take your advice and focus purely on myself. Shuttng myself of from others and doing this is the only viable option I have. Thank you for answering with intelligence, bluntness, but also with support and compassion. I appreciate it

It CAN be done. I WILL get there. thanks Sai.

---

You keep making the same mistakes because you're not learning from them. You say your anger problems are gone, yet you resort to bad mouthing this girl. Don't say you're not. It is like you have 100 hands for a total of 500 fingers, all pointing in some random direction, but none is pointing at you.

Society sucks. People have become this. This girl that.

No. You are part of society. You seem to have become the same kind of person that you dislike so much. But no, it's all societies fault. Really?

I dare you, i double dare you, to take 1 day to complete shut yourself from the outside world, and focus purely on yourself. Focus purely on what you can improve on yourself. You can only change others by changing others.

If it's really, and truly, your goal to just be with other people, then i suggest buying some books on social contact. But i guarantee you that you will find that doing that will not fulfill that which you miss. Only you can do that. It's time to wake up and see that.

People will talk about their difficulties with others and become frustrated. I dare you to not react negatively to someone who all of a sudden blocks and deletes you, or some friend who suddenly ignores you completely. We're all human, both those who treat us poorly and those of us reacting to it.

+1, Batman. Well said.

People need a shoulder to cry on sometimes, and friends are supposed to be there for each other. It has nothing to do with finding happiness within yourself. You can be happy with who you are and still need a friend. I am always there for my friends when they need me, because I want to help in any way I can. And I'm glad that they are there for me.

You are apparently fine without having a friend to lean on, Sai, which is good for you I guess. But at the same time your challenge to Retro is meaningless. Anyone could shut the world out completely for one day and concentrate on how they can improve themselves. There are few people however who could go years with no one to talk to, and no friendly voice to tell them they'll be okay. Gaining an outside perspective is important, it's how we learn from each other.

And bad mouthing the girl? Maybe he is. So what. He feels hurt, and he's ranting. That is completely natural and healthy. Much healthier than bottling his emotions up (which is how anger problems can start). As long as he doesn't speak ill of her constantly and become obsessed, I don't see a problem with it.

I can't be sure that Retro is working on himself, but since he seems much less angry and hostile than he used to be, I am willing to give him the benefit of the doubt. He seems to have found a good balance. Being honest is a good thing on your part Sai, and I'm glad you are willing to advise him and others so often. But I hope you realize that you wouldn't have had the opportunity to try and help him if he had not come here ranting. People should be there for each other, just as you are here for Retro in this thread.

Retro, I'm sorry things didn't work out with the girl. Maybe she felt it was best to stop talking to you since you couldn't be together. Don't give up on yourself or other people though.

Locke thank you and don't worry, I actually agree with Sai. As I have read through my posts personally, I have indeed, kept on going on about her and not looking at the person who need first priority, Myself. it is me who need to try and fix this to prevent the same mistakes happening.

I have made slight progress in my anger. I'm not being a tool here and I'm letting people have their say and being open minded instead of shutting everyone out here and attacking them like I did before. That, atleast is some progress.

---

Seeker & EvewasFramed both make good points. I might also add the basic fact that most humans are selfish, shortsighted creatures who, when it comes to the choice between being ethical toward everyone equally & only caring about those within their particular tribe, will choose the 2nd option every time. True friends that you can depend on are rare gems indeed; don't expect to find too many. When you do find one, treat him/her well, for real friends are worth keeping.

Mtrip, that's VERY wise advice, thanks

---

Yeah, I definitely don't overburden people with my problems. That's why I come to forums like these: to vent. I don't talk about it offline.

The one time I broke that rule, it damaged the friendship. So I've learned that people want you to put on a positive front; the depressing thoughts have to go to your therapist, or a third party.

That's very wise advice leaning me and you both made that mistake with friendships. it ruins everything. Thank you for replying to a thread of mine. just want to personally say I am sorry for being a toll to you in the past. I've realized I need you all here because, many of you are a reflection of myself and what I'm going through.

I've realised this isn't the place to make enemies with eachother ( more in my case it was me making myself an enemy with everyone else). It happens, but it should not. Sorry once again buddy and I hope in time (aslong as it takes) I can repair my reputation with you and others here. I do realize it takes time though and many will be cautious and mentally many may put me on a probationary period for some time and rightly so.

---

As I have said in another post, people don't want to hear anyone else's problems, but are somehow always eager to load you up with their own. Friendships in today's world are gradually getting so shallow and "small-talky" that we will eventually get to the point where only psychologists will listen to our problems, and that only because they are getting paid for it (it is already happening but i expect it to get worse in the next few years).

You know what? that synopsis/prediction is full of despair but also very true. I admire you for having the courage to tell it like it is

Trust me I'm a very positive person in general, but a realist to the extreme as well, so I ain't gonna sit in my happy corner and pretend that this planet is not going down the drain with each day that passes.

I'm glad that I at least made you laugh though, you look like you needed some cheering.

Seeker, you did just that. Your'e a cool person!