I hurt so bad...

[grundel70]

My body is shutting down on me. I am in constant pain, and nothing I do resolves it. Just sitting here my whole body aches...my back hurts so bad, my left shoulder, my right hand is cramped up, and both of my knees creek with pain. I can't work out anymore...hell I can't barely get up and walk anymore...

My Dr can find nothing wrong with me short of a back spasm and a dislocated shoulder. The pain meds don't help. All they do is make me sick. Everyday it seems to get worse and worse.

This pain is taking its toll on me emotionally. I feel so empty, like all of the joy, happiness, and love that was in my heart was sucked away, and replaced by this aching throbbing pain. I feel so lonely now...like even my body and spirit has abandoned me. I feel like I am just some nasty, ugly, discusting sore on the world. Something that needs to be purged. If that would releive this pain, then so be it.

I am sorry, I know I always used to speak of being positive, of not being afraid, of conquering your problems. I try to take my own advice, but I am just too weak now to do so. Take any advice I may have given with a grain of salt...since it doesn't seem to work well on me Please forgive me for my failure.

The only advice I have left to give is for those of you who are overweight...take care of yourself now. Excercise! Eat healthy. put down those snacks. Don't eat that burger. You will pay for it later. For me it is too late. I have lost 90 lbs (yes, 90 lbs) since august, and it has done nothing to ease the physical problems that carrying all of this extra wieght for over 30 years has done. It may be too late for me, but for you it is not! Please...don't become me. Don't become an insulin dependant diabetic. Don't be in a position where loosing almost a full person's weight is not enough to help with your health. Let my failure be a lesson to you all.

For those of you who are healthy, stay that way! Work out! Walk instead of driving. Ride a bike. Go for a run. Play physical games. watch what you eat.

Please...

No one needs to suffer like this. I brought this on myself, and I now the time has come for me to pay for all of my youthful indulgences. I don't have enough to pay for it...I fear it will take more than I can give.

I love you all, from the bottom of my heart.

 

[ExtensivexLDL]

'sigh' .. I just read this.. what can I say.. don't give up.. I owe it to you for giving me great advice before.. Just take it easy.. bit by bit.. day-by-day... you make these forums a great place to be in- I can tell just by reading all that you've wrote before.. not many as honest and as kind people as you exst in this world just so you know..

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I'm sorry you are going through that, Grudel.

I don't know what it's like to live in constant physical pain for more than a couple of months.
I've been trying to help an elderly gentlemen with major back problems and he too is also in
constant pain and is barely functional. The medications is not helping him..sometimes it cuases
more problems...He's been in 2 automobile accidents within a month. At alot of moments it's
not even him...becuase he's so loaded with medications.

I listen to him and spend time with him...He tries to keep a positive attitude. When he's not
so heavily medicated...but he too has a lot of moments where it's just all over whelming for him.
But he tries...tires and tires...He told me there's plenty of people in this world that suffers
just like he dose or even worst. I can't even imagine the torment you and him go through.
I wish somehow I can make your suffering go away...but i can't.
Thank you for sharing your story .....

It is this...I get into myself pity sometimes becuase of my current life situation.
I feel things arn't going my way and life kind of sucks ass for me....
I want to run away from all my problems and challenges.

But it slaps me in the face with reality, brings me back to center again..
I'm still in good health and have alot to be grateful for..

Thank you so so much for helping me.

 

[VanillaCreme]

I'm at lost for words. This probably won't help much, but all I can say is things get better. One way or another, they get better. *hugs* <3

 

[SilentThinker]

Dun give up,friend.It is really sad to hear that you are going through all these.

 

[Brian]

Hey, Grundel. I'm sorry you're going through all this. I know I get to hating life just from something like strep throat, I can't imagine what it's like for you right now. I hope it improves for you.

But, I love you too, in a brotherly sort of way, because you've inspired people; including myself. I can recall two occasions where reading one of your posts helped me climb free of depressed feelings and get my drive back. Even if it's just for a while, that's worth something. I truthfully wish I could meet you in person.

I hope you'll stick around. I think you should write a book. It'd be a killer piece of literature, and so many women would buy it and love it that they'd be flocking to you in droves just to meet the man himself.

 

[Quit Claim]

It's ok. Don't feel like a failure because you're not. You probably don't know me that well because I don't post much, but I read these forums a lot and your advice is always uplifting. Be strong. I hope things get better for you.

 

[summer]

I don't know much about you but you seem to be a very good, loving and caring person. The exact person who I hope to be someday. I wish there was anything I could do to make everything better. But the thing is, that I'm just one 15 year old girl, who isn't very good even at living her own life.
The only thing, what I could do for you is tell you not to give up and not to lose hope, so please don't. I hope you will get better, world needs people like you.

 

[Rusty]

I sincerely wish I have the resources to help you and ease your pain. I'll make that a part of my dream as I continue to work in healthcare. Thank you from the deepest depths of my gratitude and soul for your advice. I shall lead a healthy life for myself, family, friends, and hopefully inspire others to do the same so they do not tread on the path you've warned us to avoid. It's also never too late to lead a healthy lifestyle. I guarantee that life will be easier once you've settled into a good state of fitness. Don't give up, people who you've never met before are still counting on you too.

 

[Gothmother]

You are so NOT a failure.
90lbs is such a huge feat and you should bear that in your thoughts as it is hard to loose weight, but you have and that is a realy big start.
Pain is not good, being low doesnt help.
I wish i could take your pain away and wave the sunshine of smiles back into your heart as you diserve so much more then you have had in your life.
I know that things look bad just now, but you have gotten through worse and im bettin you will get over this too, especialy as this time you are surrounded by people here who do realy care about each other.
Stay strong me lovlie chum, even when it all feels like caving in, dont give into it and you will get better i promise.
hugs always.