Back in high school, and at least half of college, I was socially awkward, especially around girls. Since then (graduated college in '11), I've gotten better, both with guys and girls. Occasionally though, I would catch myself saying "Man, if I only knew then what I knew now..." and all the what-if scenarios.
Well, a few weeks ago, I moved away from grad school, and it hit me: Sure, its a lot easier than it was in the past. I'm quicker on my feet (socially), and smalltalk flows more naturally now. BUT, to truly be yourself around someone, to not feel like you have to impress them, you have to be comfortable around them. I found out recently that for me, it takes time for that to happen, and it can't happen on command, regardless of 'what I know now'.
Case in point: I now regularly hang out with about 5 other guys from my building and the adjacent building. They are all pretty chill guys, but with the exception of 1, I don't feel a strong 'connection' with them, other than the generic 'bro' commonality. Whenever they go out, they usually invite me, and I'm grateful; but I sometimes tune out whenever they converse. Not because I'm trying to be rude, but because I just don't find what they are talking about that interesting, and/or because I don't really have anything to add. At this point, they are friends of convenience. This is probably because I still have a few very close friends back home, so the pressure to immediately make new friends isn't there (yet).
At a certain level, its kinda liberating: back in college, I would try to get everyone to like me (ironically, I was a lot quieter back then, so it was all counter-intuitive). When it inevitably failed, I would get depressed. Now, its more of a level-headed approach: if I don't hit it off with someone, I don't make as big of a deal out of it; one thing I don't like doing is forcing a friendship by pretending to be interested in this or that. Not that I don't believe in keeping an open mind, but if I try something and don't like it, then that's all she wrote.
In addition, I have an interesting vantage point in realizing just how long 4 years is, and just how much can change within even a fraction of that span. Even if I'm having a bad day, or week, or even month, prior experience taught me that things can and usually do change. Contrast this to my early years in college, where a single lonely night was enough to send me into a depressed stupor.
As I'm typing this, I'm not sure if my overall theme is depressing, or reassuring; probably a little bit of both. Prior knowledge does come in handy, but can't conjure up the luck of meeting someone you click with, nor the internal desire to pursue said relationship.
Well, a few weeks ago, I moved away from grad school, and it hit me: Sure, its a lot easier than it was in the past. I'm quicker on my feet (socially), and smalltalk flows more naturally now. BUT, to truly be yourself around someone, to not feel like you have to impress them, you have to be comfortable around them. I found out recently that for me, it takes time for that to happen, and it can't happen on command, regardless of 'what I know now'.
Case in point: I now regularly hang out with about 5 other guys from my building and the adjacent building. They are all pretty chill guys, but with the exception of 1, I don't feel a strong 'connection' with them, other than the generic 'bro' commonality. Whenever they go out, they usually invite me, and I'm grateful; but I sometimes tune out whenever they converse. Not because I'm trying to be rude, but because I just don't find what they are talking about that interesting, and/or because I don't really have anything to add. At this point, they are friends of convenience. This is probably because I still have a few very close friends back home, so the pressure to immediately make new friends isn't there (yet).
At a certain level, its kinda liberating: back in college, I would try to get everyone to like me (ironically, I was a lot quieter back then, so it was all counter-intuitive). When it inevitably failed, I would get depressed. Now, its more of a level-headed approach: if I don't hit it off with someone, I don't make as big of a deal out of it; one thing I don't like doing is forcing a friendship by pretending to be interested in this or that. Not that I don't believe in keeping an open mind, but if I try something and don't like it, then that's all she wrote.
In addition, I have an interesting vantage point in realizing just how long 4 years is, and just how much can change within even a fraction of that span. Even if I'm having a bad day, or week, or even month, prior experience taught me that things can and usually do change. Contrast this to my early years in college, where a single lonely night was enough to send me into a depressed stupor.
As I'm typing this, I'm not sure if my overall theme is depressing, or reassuring; probably a little bit of both. Prior knowledge does come in handy, but can't conjure up the luck of meeting someone you click with, nor the internal desire to pursue said relationship.