I Like Her, But She's With Someone Else

[blackbeard]

Hey guys, sorry for the long-winded wall of text.

I had job training for a few weeks and there was this woman (Annie) who caught my attention the very first day. Annie has a boyfriend that she hasn't seen in a year due to his job. Annie has been in a relationship with this guy for 3 years. I didn't know any of my classmates, so I pretty much kept to myself and focused on the course material. On the second week, Annie asks if she could borrow a few of my movies. She comes to my hotel room-- which is just down the hall from hers-- and we talk for a bit. We find out that we have a lot in common we talked for hours. She told me that I came off as someone who didn't want to be bothered but thought I was cool after she got to know me. I end up telling her that I'm attracted to her and that sets everything off. She tells me she feels the same way and we end up kissing. Next, I pick her up, toss her onto my bed and we have sex. Due to the long conversation, we only had 4 hours until training, so she went back to my room and I assume that it's the end. I happen to look across the training room and noticed that Annie was starring at me. I had to hide the silly grin on my face; I really like the way she looks at me. She talks to me about her relationship and the things they've been through. She never gave me specifics, all I know is that they've had hard times. We hangout some more and we have conversations from religion to cartoons and we eventually have more sex. Now, this wasn't just about sex. I felt something new whenever I was around Annie. There was a connection that I've never experienced before. I had no problem with being myself around her, which is very rare. Everything just... flowed. I'm not in love, but I cared about her. Her boyfriend was coming back the day we finished training and I was bummed about it. Annie told me that her boyfriend might propose to her when he got back but she wanted to keep in touch with me as much as possible. We Video Chatted a few days ago and I asked if her boyfriend proposed. She told me no but they've made progress and they'll have to see how things go when they're apart for another year. She eventually asked me if I met anyone and I told her no. It was good to see her again and I could tell the feeling was mutual. I've told a friend of mine this story and she thinks that Annie wants to keep in touch because she likes me, but wants to stick with her boyfriend because that's all that she knows. A relationship would probably never work, because I wouldn't want be in her boyfriend's shoes. It sucks that I find someone on my level, but she's taken.

Let me know what you think of the situation.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Let me know what you think of the situation.

You're in a Friends with Benefits situation with a woman who isn't willing to take the risk of being exclusive with you, and with you in the same position of not being able to trust her.

So, its a situation that isn't going to go anywhere.

If you're really interested in her, you should ask her more or less directly to see if she'll leave him to be with you. If she isn't, then you're going nowhere with her and you might as well move on.

You need to basically figure out exactly what you want, where you think this could go, and what you're willing to accept.

 

[blackbeard]

Let me know what you think of the situation.

You're in a Friends with Benefits situation with a woman who isn't willing to take the risk of being exclusive with you, and with you in the same position of not being able to trust her.

So, its a situation that isn't going to go anywhere.

If you're really interested in her, you should ask her more or less directly to see if she'll leave him to be with you. If she isn't, then you're going nowhere with her and you might as well move on.

You need to basically figure out exactly what you want, where you think this could go, and what you're willing to accept.

She's not willing to take a risk because she wants to be with him. They've been together for a while and she wants things to work between them. I told her that I understood the situation when our fling started. You're right, I do want her, but I'm not going to push her and make things worse. Also, we're nowhere near each other and probably will never see each other again.

I've never had chemistry like that and I'm just afraid that I'll never have that chemistry with someone again.

 

[IgnoredOne]

She's not willing to take a risk because she wants to be with him. They've been together for a while and she wants things to work between them. I told her that I understood the situation when our fling started. You're right, I do want her, but I'm not going to push her and make things worse. Also, we're nowhere near each other and probably will never see each other again.

Well, she wants to be with him and you'll most likely never see her in person again. She's made her choice.

Then that's that. Realisticaly, you hopefully now have a friend with some secrets between you and you should move on with your life. Be grateful for what life has given you, and you have an experience worth reminiscing over in the future.

I've never had chemistry like that and I'm just afraid that I'll never have that chemistry with someone again.

No one will ever be the exact same, but you will find love again. Be grateful to life, be glad for the memories, but also, be hopeful for the future. All will be well.

Perhaps there's a lesson to be taken about stability from this, too. But that is for you to decipher.

 

[blackbeard]

She's not willing to take a risk because she wants to be with him. They've been together for a while and she wants things to work between them. I told her that I understood the situation when our fling started. You're right, I do want her, but I'm not going to push her and make things worse. Also, we're nowhere near each other and probably will never see each other again.

Well, she wants to be with him and you'll most likely never see her in person again. She's made her choice.

Then that's that. Realisticaly, you hopefully now have a friend with some secrets between you and you should move on with your life. Be grateful for what life has given you, and you have an experience worth reminiscing over in the future.

I've never had chemistry like that and I'm just afraid that I'll never have that chemistry with someone again.

No one will ever be the exact same, but you will find love again. Be grateful to life, be glad for the memories, but also, be hopeful for the future. All will be well.

Perhaps there's a lesson to be taken about stability from this, too. But that is for you to decipher.

Before I forget, thanks for the quick responses.

I know she made her choice, I just wanted to know your thoughts on the situation. Also, why did you say that I'll find another love? I already stated that I care about her, but I don't love her.

One thing that bothers me is the fact that she wants to spend the rest of her life with this guy, but they're sleeping around on each other. Their actions prove that they aren't ready to make a major commitment like marriage.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Before I forget, thanks for the quick responses.

I know she made her choice, I just wanted to know your thoughts on the situation. Also, why did you say that I'll find another love? I already stated that I care about her, but I don't love her.

My apologies. The notion of chemistry and feelings seemed to imply otherwise for a moment.

One thing that bothers me is the fact that she wants to spend the rest of her life with this guy, but they're sleeping around on each other. Their actions prove that they aren't ready to make a major commitment like marriage.

Yes, but that's between them and not you now. And who knows? Maybe they needed to get it out of their system? Maybe they are destined to be a train wreck? Maybe tearful reconciliation lies in their future?

You don't know, and really, its not up to you anymore. Since there's nothing possible between you and the girl now, I suppose angsting about it is ultimately just so much ado about nothing.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Intuitively you aready know...

As far as your emotions...youre all over the place. Your going through
withdraws from the romance or being in love. A rolloer coaster
it might be for a little while.

Yeah it kind of suck when you fall in love and circumstance dosnt work out.

You might also be going through a stage of grieving or lost. Depending
how stronge ur emotions are to her. It would also be the amount of pains youll feel.

You can dive into ur pains and embrace it..This a a holitic method

Or you can stop trying to figure
it out. Feel and let go of your pains as it comes up...Gruadaully youll be in a state of peace.

This way you wont carry emotional baggages into the future..

stuff like U might not be able to love again is already giving u conflicts
or emotional baggages.

 

[blackbeard]

Before I forget, thanks for the quick responses.

I know she made her choice, I just wanted to know your thoughts on the situation. Also, why did you say that I'll find another love? I already stated that I care about her, but I don't love her.

My apologies. The notion of chemistry and feelings seemed to imply otherwise for a moment.

One thing that bothers me is the fact that she wants to spend the rest of her life with this guy, but they're sleeping around on each other. Their actions prove that they aren't ready to make a major commitment like marriage.

Yes, but that's between them and not you now. And who knows? Maybe they needed to get it out of their system? Maybe they are destined to be a train wreck? Maybe tearful reconciliation lies in their future?

You don't know, and really, its not up to you anymore. Since there's nothing possible between you and the girl now, I suppose angsting about it is ultimately just so much ado about nothing.

Well, I can't argue with that. This is the first time I've been in a situation like this and I should just be grateful from the experience.

---

Intuitively you aready know...

As far as your emotions...youre all over the place. Your going through
withdraws from the romance or being in love. A rolloer coaster
it might be for a little while.

Yeah it kind of suck when you fall in love and circumstance dosnt work out.

You might also be going through a stage of grieving or lost. Depending
how stronge ur emotions are to her. It would also be the amount of pains youll feel.

You can dive into ur pains and embrace it..This a a holitic method

Or you can stop trying to figure
it out. Feel and let go of your pains as it comes up...Gruadaully youll be in a state of peace.

This way you wont carry emotional baggages into the future..

stuff like U might not be able to love again is already giving u conflicts
or emotional baggages.

What is with you people and love? I've stated in the OP that I wasn't in love with her. I've never had a connection like this with another woman and that's what I miss. I enjoyed talking for hours... everything seemed natural.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Well, I can't argue with that. This is the first time I've been in a situation like this and I should just be grateful from the experience.

And many never will have anything close to that experience. Cherish that, too, for it says something about you and your identity.

I get what you mean by the sense of naturalness with someone, even without love per se. In retrospect, I think it /was/ love, if a different kind. There's a beauty in every kind of closeness, though it be not the same.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Yeah...there you go...you intuituvely already know what to do...

Now you have one of those summer romane ..with the girl of summer experince.

U wanna hear about this one beuaitufl babe I spent 2 weeks of summer romance wiht that I never hear from and saw again?lol

Yeah its wierd when stuff like that happens. I never planned on meeting her and to experince that for the first time...its was mind blowing and I had many quesstions too.

Im greatful for that...my life is a journey and full of surpirzes like that sometimes.

---

Ok...sorry. U banged her...
You just wanna be able to keep on bangiing her...By defualt you got cut off.

Yes....I get it.. From getting pussy
10 times p day and whatever the fresia else she was doing to me.....
I went through a stage of withdraw.
Walking around with a fucken boner all the time and jerking off seems retarted.

She there another chick avalible for you to Bang? Or its slim picking?

---

U emotionally got attached to her...
and you body got attached to her.

To what degree? Only you know that.

If you bang another chick..its oneway
of finding out how much you were attached...

youll either forget about her
or still have feelings for her...depending how much the new chick turns you on or how open you are to her.

Or you.re just stupid bored..and all this crazy honeysuckle is running through you head..

 

[jjam]

eh...

 

[blackbeard]

eh...

Gee golly, mister. That was insightful!

 

[VanillaCreme]

If she leaves him, she'll leave you. So, you might want to consider what you're really getting into if you do try to be with her. Personally, I'd walk away. Perhaps she'll be free later on.

 

[blackbeard]

If she leaves him, she'll leave you. So, you might want to consider what you're really getting into if you do try to be with her.

Yeah, I figured that out from the get go. Also, I not going to put myself in a position where I think that I can change her... that doesn't work.

 

[Callie]

If she leaves him, she'll leave you. So, you might want to consider what you're really getting into if you do try to be with her. Personally, I'd walk away. Perhaps she'll be free later on.

This.

 

[someguy23475]

I'd go after her. If she likes you she won't leave. Don't let naysayers tell you not to. Go with your gut.

 

[Dessa]

I wouldn't wanna be with someone who cheats. I feel sorry for her boyfriend here tbh. He should know. This girl has you on her hook and she knows it. If she wanted to be with you she'd end it with her boyfriend. But hey what do I know.

 

[IgnoredOne]

Yeah, I figured that out from the get go. Also, I not going to put myself in a position where I think that I can change her... that doesn't work.

I don't think that's necessarily true, but I mean, long distance and you probably won't see her ever again don't make for a promising combination even in the best of times

 

[Darkness]

I would forget about her. I'm happy you guys had a connection and got to know each other and became good friends, but the fact that she Cheated on her boyfriend with you, is just wrong. I don't care if she hasn't seen him in years or not. If she did it to him she will do it to you.

 

[freedom]

wow, that's quite a story.

it seems to me, judging from the text that you provided, that you're in a "friends wth benefits" relationship with this woman. you're absolutely right about her not wanting to leave her current bf because that's all she knows.

sorry to break it to you, but she'll probably never be yours. i don't know either of you, but from my expertise, she will never leave her bf for you. i'm sorry. the fact that she was willing to have sex with you on your first encounter should be a big red flag. she's been apart from her boyfriend for a year, and she's been very lonely, so she found someone who she could make a connection with and proceeded to fulfill her needs, as aparently did you.

i'm glad that you haven't fallen in love with this woman. DON'T. in this case, my advice for you is to milk it. opportunities like these don't come too often for most of us, and i envy you for finding her, but there is nothing else that you can or should do but keep on sleeping with her. it's what this kind of relationship is for.

best of luck.