i love her so much...

[UnsolvableQuestion]

so we been together for nearly 6 years now. she is my first serious gf and im her first serious bf. 3 years into it we had our first big fight and we took a break for a month promising each other not to date other people. when we get back together i find that she got a tatoo and dated the tatoo guy, so it upsets me but i forgive her... mistake? 2 years later we have another one this time 5 months we take a break, again promising not to see anyone... on her birthday she ignores me, i find out that shes at a beach cabin for the weekend with her friends and co workers son which she ends up dating and starts to have feelings for. this happens a month into the break up. she doesnt have sex with either of the guys, this i know so that helps. i end up winning her back but things are so different now and i wonder if its ever going to be the same again... she tells me she wants us to work and shes working on getting her feelings back for me. she loves me but not completely in love with me. and i am absolutely nuts for her. we have been under a lot of stress lately with financial stuff, so i hope this high level of stress is whats hindering her feelings. the reasons for the break ups was because i didnt show that i loved her enough so she felt i didnt. in no way could i ever leave her. shes one of those girls that have a sort of power over you. being with her i have distance myself from alot of my friends cuz i try to spend as much time her with as possible. now that i show her love she says i smother her. she actually avoids sex with me cuz she feels awkward. she makes me sad and i dont know what to do. shes all i have now and i cant lose her. we are currently trying to work things out. she wants space but im afraid of losing her... i have distance myself so much from friends and socializing with others that if im not with her im sitting at home. the loneliness is unbearable, but i dont have the self-esteem any more to go out with others... shes the worst and best thing thats happened to me, if that makes any since.

 

[Hope_Reigns]

I was the same way with my bf. I ended up alone cause after years of things he did sapping my self worth, I ended up with few friends and next to no self esteem so I got needy.

You need to make time and room for yourself, and your needs. Get more friends again, hobbies. without self esteem even the best relationship I think will fail.

It will help bring your strength back and over time you won't feel as lonely, and will be able to even enjoy the time you are alone (so I've been told anyways lol) Hang in there

 

[AllAlone1]

Hey UQ, I know this all too well I have been with my gf for 10 years and I'm sorry to say in situations like this it doesn't get easier, I'm kind of in the same position everything started out good but after about the first 2-3 years we started having problems because I sorta got lazy, let myself go, and didn't fix myself up as much as I used to when we first got together and her still having some unresovled feelings for her ex didn't help either and neither did my addiction to porn(which I feel came from us not having sex as much as we used to!) I have gotten better or atleast I think so but I am still battling that demon to this day, financial stress is also our problem too as well as our kids but not as much as her need to have constant attention from other men or atleast that what I think thats whats going on with her, but anyway because of my "issues" she felt justified to cheat on me and even told me she would but I didn't take her seriously so she did, 3 times! One with a close friend of mine(were not friends anymore) and I still took her back but now I'm constantly dealing with that fact that this did happen and can't seem to move past it by letting her be friends with other males which I have never believed a woman and a man could truly be freinds in the first place, so I keep thinking its only a matter of times before this happens all over again but she says that she won't because those were different circumstances and also I have changed somewhat from what I used to be and the ex is no longer in the picture, just my jealousy and her constant need for "space". I really do want to trust her but she makes this so hard by spending most of her free time on the internet on network sites like myspace, tagged, etc. looking for people to meet which are usually guys because she says she doesn't get along with other females and the guys are just friends but because of the past when she cheated one of them was supposed to be just a "friend", I fear I might be facing the same situation all over again and even if thats not the case to me she just spends too much time on there I mean who spends 5-6 hours of their day on network sites just to make new friends and finds someone to talk to unless they are looking for a romantic relationship? Is it just me or does that just not make sense? She considers herself a social butterfly and likes to go out and be around people preferably in clubs but not limited to, I am just the opposite I am perfectly content with spending many nights at home as long as I am with my significant other but she doesn't share my view on this at all! which usually just ends up with her on the computer or going out and me sitting at home alone wishing she was there in my arms and I too have limited my contact with my friends since I have started this relationship with her and I used spend ALOT of time with them before her but since she came into my life it seems like she was the only thing that matters and without her my will to live is non-existent. So I too know the feeling, I love her so much and could never ever ever see myself leaving her because my self-esteem as well but because of the high level of stress we have both been dealing with lately(which has literally led to my hair falling out) it may be the only solution for both of our health sake!

 

[Lonesome Crow]

Sameway with my ex-gf.. but we were crazy.
7 years into the relationship when the seperation started happening.
Though I didn't realized what was happening at the time.
Not in a million years could I had conjure up these events in
my head. I couldn't imagine it...it was totally off the wall.
The seperations would drive me crazy..becuase I never spent
a day or night without her. I loved her so much...i was in love
with her too (though not all the time..but i stayed in love with
her through out the years)

At first we would have still have sex..just becuase
Then we progress into make up sex
Then we progress into break up sex.
I used to circles the dates we would have sex while we're seperated...
i notice we had more sex when we were seperated.
After a while...i didn't even bother to circle...it was 2-3 times a day, anywhere and everywhere.
It was insane..becuase we're suppost to be seperated..As if we were teenagers doing something wrong to
have sex..which made it all the more exciting being nauty...She was a bad..bad girl.lol
I lusted after her and then some. I think we were sex addicts...
But when we get together living under the same roof...we hardly have sex....Errr WTF ????

Our troubles were that...she went gambling all the time and
it put a finacial strain on the relationship...obviously we started
having arguments over money. Eventaully i found myself sitting
at home alone on holidays, birthdays, and weekends.

I felt cheated...I felt she loved the **** gambling more than she
loved me. She was in love with the freaking gambling more than
me. She spoke about fucken gambling all the fucken time.
We couldn't even go the beach and have a romatic day as a couple
without her talking about the fucken gambling...her mind was always
on fucken gambling. She was having intimate relationships with **** slots machines.
Well..no fuken dah..I've seen guys hit up on her while she's gambling.

The first time we sperated. I met someone (Jenni)
I would just talk to her becuase I needed someone to talk to.
She was a receptionist...She'd ask me how I was doing
as she put me on hold...I'd say "OK" ..obviousely I wasn't OK
and falling apart at the seams. ( I was having an intimate relationship
with Jenni without even knowing it) Long distance..I thought nothing
of it ..she became my friend...a plutonic relationships perhaps.

Then a day came when I met Jenni in person. I fell madly
in love with her the first time I saw her. She made cupcakes.
I was so at aww...becuase for longest time no one went out
of their way to do anything for me.
She also showed me her childhood journal/dairy...All of her hope and dreams.
Everything about her...from her favorite colors to her favorite songs.
She open up herself to me...trust me enough to show her most intimate thoughts ,
secrets, hopes and dreams...everything to me.
On top of that..Jenni was a very good looking woman.

Then the day came when I started having dinner and sex with Jenni
Then the day came when i started sex and dinner with Tammi
Then the day came when I started having an on-line relationship with Jocelyn.
Then the day came when she and I would call and talk to
one another on the phone all day and all night about everything.
(All the stuff that happened while my-ex were seperated..the suger coated version)

Then the day came when all these women had a 3 -way conversation
about my ass. I didn't know if i was having make up sex or break up
sex with my ex-gf.

Anyways, My ex-gf did that on-line relationship crap at the
end of our relationship and is still doing it today....With the mods or whoever the hell.
She's get so fucken zoned out and forget to log out...
Duh, what do you think a guy is going to say to a girl
that's having relationship issues ?....vice versa.
I've read the PMs and E-mails.
Duh..as if only guys do this crap. As if i was borned yesterday.
As if I've never done it myself with another woman on the other end of the server....
It's wasn't even an online dating site.
Maybe she's doing it to get back at me on a consicous or sub consicouse level.
She's very, very angery at me ATM after all this time.

Eventaully she's going to have to get right with herself and see what's her part in it.
Eventaully I had to get right with myself and see my part in it.

I felt justified..becuase we were seperated...never the less my actions drove our relationship
further and further apart....I LIKE TO ADD FUEL TO THE FIRE.

Jenni and I never needed the online thing...We had vioce contact already.
Tammi and I never needed the phone contact thing...we had face 2 face contact from the get go.

I've been on the giving and receiving end....

Mentally and emtionally cheating ...it's progressive. (seperated or not)

An intimate relationship is not always about *******...
Well...women say a relationship isn't always all about sex.
There you go......she's playing with fire.

My ex blames me for everything...of course.
We can't seem to see eye to eye for some reasons.
I've never felt like I was a jealouse person...but I am.
Then again..if a woman wants to push me to my limits and thinks I can't live without her...I'll show her.

I hope you all figure it out...it takes both parties to work things out. Even if you decide to break up or stay together.
It's not healty to carry our emotional baggage into tommorow...oneway or the other when moving forward with or without her.
I hope you're adults enough to relized...It takes two too mingle...for good or for ill.

I love her so so much...I hate her just as much. Never in a million years did i ever thought I have this much feelings or hate for
anyone. I love her more than life itself.

 

[UnsolvableQuestion]

i feel i have a some chance of saving this relationship.. i feel that i must start over from day one again like we first met and i suppose ill have to force myself to love her less. And let go of everything that has happened. i think it will be hard as ive been trying, but i believe if i keep my mind in that state that over time it would become a natural feeling. ive thought of trying to date other people but i just cannot see myself without her. i did have hopes and dreams for myself but now SHE is my only hope and dream and highest priority in life, my willingness to live. And i know i need to not think this way and its so **** hard not to. i hate how all these emotions mess with my social life... well the life that i had.

ive found it hard to be myself again, and be the guy all my friends knew so i feel that everyone thinks of me as a stranger now, and trying to make new friends seems so much harder now. ive always been somewhat quite and shy, but here recently ive found myself to go all day without saying a word to anyone at work, not even slightly motivated to start a conversation.

she doesnt blame me for anything. when i apologize for the past she tells me its not my fault. but i have a feeling that i push her further away from me when i bring it up cuz i end up starting an argument over it and i try to make her see things from my stand point but it never works that way, she just gets so annoyed at me to point of wanting to call it off and say its not gonna work. and it bugs the honeysuckle outta me. ive also have some trust issues with her but i guess i can trust her because ive tried to find dirt on her and cant, i feel crazy for doing this but ive stole all of her passwords to all her internet stuff and she doesnt know it. its like im wanting to find something but hoping i dont. sometimes she brings me to the brink of suicide. i know.. that sounds horrible and stupid but its the way i feel. i find it so hard to sleep at night cuz i just lie there drowning in my thoughts.

Last night we went out... did some shopping (i dont buy stuff for her anymore) had dinner (but i did pay for that) and just spent quality time together, but its so different its like im just a friend to her now. i hope if we continue this way she wont think of me being a friend. i still kiss her but i dont know if its heartfelt on her side. they say time is the ultimate healer; how true is that? if it is i guess ill let it do its thing.

 

[Katia]

Sorry, but it takes two people to have a relationship and it doesnt sound like her heart is into it.

I know how much you love her but you're practically killing yourself over this. I agree with Hope, you need to make time for yourself. You can only make you happy. It's hard but maybe you should make a life outside of her because it seems by making her your life hasn't done you much good.

Anyways, I wish you the best of luck. I hope everything works out for you : )

 

[SighX99]

i wish i had a gf to even begin to rant....

 

[samba101]

I agree with Katia, you're both in the positions where your significant other seems not to be fully in the relationship.

I know you guys love your girlfriends but it sounds to me like these relationships have come to the end of the road.

It's not for me to judge, but putting all that effort into something that isn't paying off seems like a waste of time, I feel for what you guys are going through. I was lucky my relationship wasn't like that and I hope the next one brings a good mate that I can be forever with, I really don't want to be a single mum raising her kids if need be.