I Probably Don't Understand

[AmytheTemperamental]

Offline, online, I seem to face this same question: "How could you?" How could you possibly be lonely, having children? How could you be lonely in a marriage?(this of course being from when I was considering leaving him). How could you be lonely, when you are able to walk up to a stranger and say "Hey, how's it going"? And the biggest kicker of all, "How could you possibly understand?"

The most lonely I have ever felt, was sitting across from the person that I fell in love with, wondering if he even cared. The most lonely I have ever felt, is being awake at 2am, with a crying child, knowing there's no help. The most lonely I have ever felt, is being in a house with a drunk yelling at my siblings and I. The most lonely I have ever felt, has always been around other people.

Just because I have had people, doesn't mean I can't feel lonely. It doesn't mean that I don't understand. I just have to take a different direction.

I am not afraid to ask someone how their day is, and I certainly am not afraid to send the first message. That doesn't mean that I just magically have all this stuff in life that fills up that loneliness.

-rant over-

 

[TheRealCallie]

I get that a lot too. More online than off though. Now, I'm not so much LONELY, but I crave adult conversations. Only having kids to talk to gets rather...well, childish. lol I don't have much time to go out and have a life, so I just turn to my online friends to keep me company.

Being lonely isn't about whether you have people or not, it's a state of mind more than anything else. I'm to the point now where I just don't give a **** what people say or how they look at my life. It's MY life, so they can shove their comments up their asses for all I care.

 

[BeyondShy]

Offline, online, I seem to face this same question: "How could you?" How could you possibly be lonely, having children? How could you be lonely in a marriage?(this of course being from when I was considering leaving him). How could you be lonely, when you are able to walk up to a stranger and say "Hey, how's it going"? And the biggest kicker of all, "How could you possibly understand?"

Amy, a person can be lonely in a room full of people you have known all your life because you know they really don't know you.

It is very easy to be lonely in a marriage when your spouse does not take an active interest in you. Not that I would know, but I know this happens.

You can be lonely even though you are able to talk to people. All that shows is that you can start a conversation. That's it. That's something I can personally admire because I can't do this.

The last part, "how can you possibly understand?" is something that maybe people say as a defense mechanism. I know I guilty of it. I get into these moods where I believe I have the worst problems in the world and because of that no one is capable of understanding me when the case is my problems are just as identical as the next guy or girl.

I am convinced I can make some girl happy because deep down and on the surface I am a caring person but I got to make myself happy first and sometimes my feelings of being alone all the time consumes me. When I feel like that that is when I don't think people can understand.

The most lonely I have ever felt, has always been around other people.

I feel that way all the time. All I do is think back on the holidays I spent with my family and listening to cousins and friends make plans to go and see a movie the next day and not asking me. That tears me up. And it made me wonder why.

Just because I have had people, doesn't mean I can't feel lonely. It doesn't mean that I don't understand. I just have to take a different direction.

I am not afraid to ask someone how their day is, and I certainly am not afraid to send the first message. That doesn't mean that I just magically have all this stuff in life that fills up that loneliness.

There's different phases of loneliness. Your experience of it is probably way different than mine. Not better, not worse. Just different. But at the end of the day we probably feel the same bit of emptiness and that doesn't matter if you have friends around you or not.

 

[user 115627]

The most lonely I have ever felt, has always been around other people.

That hits the spot. People that refuse to understand this point of loneliness are prone to not understand anything else tied to it. As Callie said, it's a state of mind and there's not much more to add there.

I spend years with shyness, but nowadays I actually got the tools to socially interact to some degree as well. Too bad I had grown pretty sick and tired of people and their irrational behaviors by then, so I don't make use of my social skills beyond the professional field. I'm not afraid of being alone anymore. Just to say it's not all about lack of aptitude or undesirability...

A general feeling of disconnection from people is 'my kind of loneliness' but I know I can't bend the world and others to my will. So I guess I'm better off alone and most people out there are better off without me in their lives.

 

[dd11]

I think some of use have a sort of existential loneliness. Where even if surrounded by friends and family, even loving friends and family that you can still feel a pang of deep longing in the universe. I have just kind of accepted that.

---

I feel like I enjoy have deep conversations. But, most of life is superficial. Everyone is in a hurry. There isn't much time to drill down on topics and really get to know and understand one another anymore.

 

[ubermensch47]

I'm really glad to read this post. I just came from a day where i hung out with two different families and while I was happy to be with them both, I felt a bit upset that they probably wouldn't know what it was like to feel such intense loneliness in their regular routines. Thank you so much for the reminder, to this single girl, that the grass is not always greener.

I agree with the loneliness is a state of mind comment, but not entirely. I believe we are all hardwired with a different degree/need for social connection. The difference in need may mean some of us want more basic interactions like a conversation about anything and others may want a very deep, emotionally connective conversation. If we do not get these needs met, we may experience loneliness. Of course this is influenced by how we were raised and our experience around loneliness historically. But to say it is just a state of mind, to me, is a bit too simple. I may feel lonely after an interaction with a group who talks about celebrities, is drinking and laughing and has a good time. I may not feel that way after a one on one conversation with a friend about the human condition. In one case, my specific need for connection is getting fulfilled and the other it is not and my state of mind comes after the interaction. I'm not saying anyone is wrong here, and I agree it is mostly a state of mind, but I have learned in life that problems are never as simple as one thing. If it were a state of mind, why would I feel fulfilled in some situations but not in others?

 

[lifestream]

Sometimes being surrounded by people is the loneliest place to be.

 

[9006]

Sometimes you can be sat in a crowded room and still feel lonely. People forget it's not effected by location or how many people you know, loneliness is internal.

 

[Peaches]

that's how it feels to be lonely near other people

 

[TheSolitaryMan]

Offline, online, I seem to face this same question: "How could you?" How could you possibly be lonely, having children? How could you be lonely in a marriage?(this of course being from when I was considering leaving him). How could you be lonely, when you are able to walk up to a stranger and say "Hey, how's it going"? And the biggest kicker of all, "How could you possibly understand?"

The most lonely I have ever felt, was sitting across from the person that I fell in love with, wondering if he even cared. The most lonely I have ever felt, is being awake at 2am, with a crying child, knowing there's no help. The most lonely I have ever felt, is being in a house with a drunk yelling at my siblings and I. The most lonely I have ever felt, has always been around other people.

Just because I have had people, doesn't mean I can't feel lonely. It doesn't mean that I don't understand. I just have to take a different direction.

I am not afraid to ask someone how their day is, and I certainly am not afraid to send the first message. That doesn't mean that I just magically have all this stuff in life that fills up that loneliness.

-rant over-

I think loneliness comes in many different forms. It's entirely possible to be married and with kids and be just as lonely as someone with no friends, it just comes in a different (equally painful) guise. If you lose that connection to other people, even your loved ones, you can be just as isolated.

It's true though, I've had some of my most profound moments of loneliness in a crowd.

 

[9006]

Loneliness is not feeling like you have a 'true' connection to anyone... or at least the people around you.