I should be completely happy, but not

[the-alchemist]

Man, in one month I'm going to move abroad, quite far away. I have had such a miserable shitty life in this honeysuckle country I live in. And finally I'm going to leave it all behind.

Almost everything has been arranged now. And I am happy to move abroad and pursue my dreams. But these last few days, I've been with my mom alot. And for all her faults and errors, she is still my mom and I love her. Last night she called me and broke down in tears over the fact that I'm leaving.

And I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. My brother lives in another city, and she is divorced with my father. And I couldn't help but feel sorry for her. She ended coming over to my place and sleeping over there. She has otherwise been very supportive for me in ways I can never repay her for. My gratitude will never cease for all the help she has given me in this endeavor.

I don't know why, I'm still going through the motions. But suddenly I don't feel anything anymore. Just 1 week ago, I felt so optimistic, I was really looking forward to leaving this hell and start over. And I still do. But now, I dunno why, I just don't feel anything now. What's wrong with me? Why have I lost my drive? I mean, my life here has been total misery, I have no real friends, no girlfriend. The weather is cold. The people here are cold and shallow. I'm just surrounded by people who makes me feel bad.

And I'm not having any unrealistic expectations once I move to my new country. I don't expect everything to just turn upside down and turn into paradise. I know I'll have to work my up from the bottom. I know I'll carry my problems with me there. But it will represent an opportunity for me to rise and get out of this abyss that is my life

 

[LGH1288]

Hi again -- I believe that you will be a great success. And, don't forget we're ALL still here for you! Best, LG

 

[spectacles]

Hi alchemist,
I can relate to what u are feeling. I am away from my country, I also felt very sad there, although i did have friends in my country I felt that I was lacking sth in my life. It was also sad to leave my family, they have been great to me, but I just couldnt turn the possibility to travel for them, we have to pursue our own lives, and for parents its always hard to see their kids go. It was hard at the beginning here in the new country, I came with a friend, but she left me alone (long story) so I found myself without friends, I knew absolutely nobody here (except from the ppl at work) but I had my weekends off and I was all by myself. But I was able to make very good friends with time, and Im sure u will make friends, dont be discourage if u are alone at the beginning, thats the way it goes, it takes time to make friends.
Im almost finishing my experience here, and I will have to go back to my country, and I can tell u coming here was one of the best decisions I made in my life, even though it seemed like a crazy thing to do (had no job, no money, knew nobody here) but Im sure u will be fine, just be patient.
I always remind myself that changes can be hard, but they always mean growth and progress.
Best of luck!