I think this friendship is unhealthy for me.

[BlackCat]

To start I'll say that I have some heavy morals. I don't like people who cheat on others, I don't associate with people that do anything of that sort. No lies, no anything.

My best friend is in a relationship with a girl. They have been going at it for about a year. At first I was excited to get to know her, my best friend's girlfriend! This was a big deal.

She was great at first. A good friend. She seems sort of opposite to me, so we get a different point of view on most subjects. It's interesting.

This was all find and dandy until I found out that my other best friend had dated her before. They broke up because she was cheating on him from a guy from england! O_O. I was pretty pissed. But when asked about this she said she felt really bad about it and wouldn't do it again.

So I heard more about that guy from england. They eventually met and she got date raped, which scarred her forever. So she must have learned her lesson, right?

WRONG. A few months ago there was this ordeal with her about some guy from the internet from about 600 miles away, several states over. They texted and talked all the time on the net. She basically ignored my best friend. When he found out he was REALLY pissed. We confronted the guy from a long way away, who didn't even know she was in a relationship. So it wasn't his fault. He didn't speak to her again.

They worked it out though. She had been talking to this guy since before my friend and her had started dating... I think it's bullshit that they are even still together.

So since I found out about all of this, the way I view her, the respect I have for her, just dropped. I have no respect for her at all. I only see the bad now. She is selfish and can't deal with her problems, and hates gettings help from others about her problems. She has never seriously thanked me, and I've sacrificed a good deal for her.

It seems like since I started to view her lowly we have argued a lot. It seems like she can argue about anything and everything, even if she is wrong. If I am right she just complains to my best friend about how apparently mean I am. The opposing views thing went from interesting to a problem. I find little things about her that I just plain dislike.

I really want to disenguage myself from this girl, but I can't. My best friend is dating her, and the only way they are ever alone is by hanging out with me at my house and my giving them alone time. That is the only time outside of school, ever. I pretty much hate it, but I feel I have a responsibility on my shoulders. I am the reason for their relationship moving forward. This is such an issue, I could say that I hate her for what she has done. I can't trust her.

I have no idea what to do. Can someone help?

 

[LonelyDragon]

Yikes!

The only thing I can say is just try and distance yourself from her the best you can. Don't get between them. Someone like her will shoot herself in the foot sooner or later and then you'll hopefully be rid of her. But if you do anything yourself to cause a rift between them you could very easily lose your best friend too.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

yeah...the human dramma sort of drained me.
My ex and her dramma. I felt really bad becuase she was raped
as a child. But the last 3-4 years of our relationship. she become
a life forced sucking *****.


I really love her...but they're nothing in my power that could
releave her pains or fix her. She continue to run away from her
pains with a path of dystructions. It took everything out of me
as i suffer the consequnces she cuased for everyone and everything
around her. It drove me crazy and sick mentally, emotionally and spiritaully.
My body seems like it wasn't in the best of shape either. I felt like I survived WWIII.

I'm still contining to work on letting her go everyday.
I have to re focus and work on myself..Fix me instead.
I have power over that...not her.
The more I get better or well/healthy the less I less worry about her or think about her.
I deserve to live a happy wonderful life too..

 

[BlackCat]

Yikes!

The only thing I can say is just try and distance yourself from her the best you can. Don't get between them. Someone like her will shoot herself in the foot sooner or later and then you'll hopefully be rid of her. But if you do anything yourself to cause a rift between them you could very easily lose your best friend too.

She has already shot herself in the foot :\ twice for me. I really REALLY want to rid myself of her, but if I said anything bad then it would make the relationship with my friend a bit awkward. I'll just have to wait until I get to college.

Also, thank you for sharing Crow. It's good you got rid of her before it got too bad.

 

[LonelyDragon]

Yikes!

The only thing I can say is just try and distance yourself from her the best you can. Don't get between them. Someone like her will shoot herself in the foot sooner or later and then you'll hopefully be rid of her. But if you do anything yourself to cause a rift between them you could very easily lose your best friend too.

She has already shot herself in the foot :\ twice for me. I really REALLY want to rid myself of her, but if I said anything bad then it would make the relationship with my friend a bit awkward. I'll just have to wait until I get to college.

Also, thank you for sharing Crow. It's good you got rid of her before it got too bad.

Well, I was meaning more that she'll cause something to break them apart herself. That's really the only way I can see that you'll not have to deal with her and keep your friend at the same time.

 

[MiKeY]

Yeah, I agree with Larry. Ever heard of the cliche, "oh the tangled web we weave, when at first we would deceive?" Well, when you start seeing other people behind the back of the one who trusts you, then things are sure to get too tricky to deal with eventually.

Your friend will wise up.

 

[SilentThinker]

I would prefer to quietly leave the relationship.

When you cannot trust that someone,the relationship has already been broken.

 

[bookbinder]

To start I'll say that I have some heavy morals. I don't like people who cheat on others, I don't associate with people that do anything of that sort. No lies, no anything.

I really want to disenguage myself from this girl, but I can't. My best friend is dating her, and the only way they are ever alone is by hanging out with me at my house and my giving them alone time. That is the only time outside of school, ever. I pretty much hate it, but I feel I have a responsibility on my shoulders. I am the reason for their relationship moving forward. This is such an issue, I could say that I hate her for what she has done. I can't trust her.

I have no idea what to do. Can someone help?

Tell your friend to not come around the house with her anymore. If you make it sound like you feel like a third wheel, it won't be awkward. If he doesn't get the hint, tell him you're not cool with the girl and that you don't want to get between him and her.

Also- and pardon my bluntness- you need to put that high horse of yours out to pasture. It's perfectly fine- quite admirable, even- if you choose to live your life by strict moral standards. No one has given you the right, however, to judge other folks. You can choose who to like and who not to, but I can promise you that you'll end up very lonely indeed if you make a business of throwing stones. (I will take a moment to pause to pat myself on the back for the semi-subtle use of cliches.)

This is not your relationship- remember that. It should not be that much of a weight in your life. All you can do is make your friend aware of how you feel (see my first paragraph) and then be there for him to lean on if in the event he gets hurt or needs objective advice.

 

[VanillaCreme]

First, I wouldn't like her either. I don't like sneaky, catty, up-to-no-good people. And personally, I dislike females like that. Makes the rest of us put in a general category that we're all like that.

Second, if you're the main reason why their relationship is moving anywhere, whether it be negatively or positively, that can't be good. It can't possibly be good that that someone else, an outsider of the relationship, has that much impact on it.

What I would do, is I would sit the best friend down and talk to him about it. He's really whipped if he's still staying with her after all she's done. The instance with the one guy, talking to him constantly, would have been enough. There's just certain things you don't do when you're in a relationship with someone. I would certainly hope not flirting with some dude over the internet was one. Obviously, it wasn't just a friendship. The guy stopped talking to her. The guy probably thought that she was going to be, or would be, his girlfriend. If they were just friends, you don't stop talking to your friend like that.

 

[Lonesome Crow]

It just takes time BC. There's probably a lot of emotional attachments
you have for her. Detaching emotionally. Learning how to say "NO"
was difficult. Lots of guilt feelings I had to work through.
I felt like I was going to die or a part of me was dying.
All of the chaos and dramma left me a little bit confused or foggy.
I wasn't sleeping , eating right and worring all the time.

It's wierd at first becuase it feels like what your doing as you pull away
or emotionally detach...you're going againts the grain of everything you
where taught of being a decent human being....
When dealing with a normal healthy person, it would make sense..lol

As you're relazing...it's not normal and healthy...lol
I guess you can use your anger in a positive manner.
A force to drive you away from the chaos and dramma.

"It's not that I don't love her...it's that I love her too much."

anyway...I play this song all the time to help me through various
stages of pulling away from her...I can relate.
"Compassion is my nature....", but it kind of messed me up.lol
Scars_Paparoche

an analogy...so I can sort of see clearer in whats happening
or the bigger picture. Instead of being all cuaght up in the dramma.

A life gruad won't jump into a pool if a person is drowning.
He'll just thow a lifesaver. It's up to the drowning person to grab on.
If you jump the pool to try to save someone, they're kicking and fighting. They'll drown you too.lol
Sometimes you have to dial 911 for professional help...lol

I actaully watch a lifegruad do the samething to my step-son when he was almost drowning at the
beach...At first I was sort of pissed becuase the life gruad just stood there as my step-son was
kicking and figthing.lmao He waited for him to get tired enough or to stop kicking. He simply swam out
to my kid and told him to hang on to the float. My step-son followed simple instructions becuase he was
sick and tired of being sick and tired.lol The life guard kept a healthy boundary or distance from my step son.

 

[Gothmother]

Just be there for your friend when it goes tits up. Untill then, dont get involved, stay your distance and just ignore her.

 

[BlackCat]

Thanks for the advice people.

Believe me Z man... The whole moral standard thing gets in my way a lot.