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Yet Another Guest
Guest
I've been wondering lately how I seem to other people.
I'm about to turn 37. I'll be spending my birthday on my own, just like I spend every birthday, every Christmas, every everything.
Sometimes, I think I pass very well for normal and that the people I come into contact with have no idea of my big dark secret - that my life is empty of people (almost - I have a few people who live far away who I can talk to over the telephone). At other times, I suspect that everyone views me as the world's biggest weirdo, that they can tell at once that I'm outside society but that they are too polite to say anything.
It isn't just the loneliness the bugs me - I hate having to live a lie. I have to hide the sadness and pretend to be functioning just fine. I wish I could ask people if the pretence even works. Does everyone around me know perfectly well what a loser I am? Or would they be amazed?
I'm about to turn 37. I'll be spending my birthday on my own, just like I spend every birthday, every Christmas, every everything.
Sometimes, I think I pass very well for normal and that the people I come into contact with have no idea of my big dark secret - that my life is empty of people (almost - I have a few people who live far away who I can talk to over the telephone). At other times, I suspect that everyone views me as the world's biggest weirdo, that they can tell at once that I'm outside society but that they are too polite to say anything.
It isn't just the loneliness the bugs me - I hate having to live a lie. I have to hide the sadness and pretend to be functioning just fine. I wish I could ask people if the pretence even works. Does everyone around me know perfectly well what a loser I am? Or would they be amazed?